Early thirties post-transition stealth Father and Husband
Tumblr user ftmanonimo replied to the previous post regarding long-term hormone effects with this lovely study. Peer reviewed, no less!
This is exactly the kind of article I was looking for – but it still can’t give a conclusive answer due to, and I quote “… solid clinical data are(sic) lacking”.
I’d love to see more, hopefully this study sparked an interest. It was published in a reputable journal.
Thanks so much for sharing.
I’m sorry I haven’t been as active on here as I could have been of late…
(TL;DR)
Writing here reminds me just how much I miss my Wife and K.
It seems to only be getting more difficult as the days pass, missing my family.
It’s mere days until K’s 9th Birthday, and although my Wife and I picked out and purchased gifts a while back (we love to be organized), I wanted to get a little extra something to send from me.
I got him a massive poster from one of his favorite video games; his new room is the largest in the house and his three framed Star Wars prints apparently felt inconspicuous.
Anyway, I posted that off to him yesterday. When I arrived home from University I saw a letter had arrived and I knew right away from the handwriting that it was from my Wife.
I swore, knowing this would likely make me melancholy at best and sat down to read it.
She wrote amazingly beautiful and supportive things, sprayed her perfume on the card (I…no words. I died) and even put on lipstick and kissed the paper….this from a Woman who usually detests makeup.
I inhaled her perfume deeply, became suddenly frightened that the scent would leave the paper and quickly slid the whole thing back into the envelope.
I had a difficult time after that…I went through a range of emotions which ultimately culminated in anger – there was nothing I could do to help K, who’s been having some trouble settling in at school, my Wife – who is feeling overwhelmed with unpacking an entire house, looking after K by herself and starting a new career to boot.
I feel like a failure for my absence. I’m three weeks deep into this semester and I am trying with all my might to get shit done.
I’ve knocked off a few assignments, which is far more organized than the entirety of people I attend classes with.
Anyway, as a result of the letter and my anger I decided to do what any rational human being would do under similar circumstances; get drunk. I have the day off Uni today and had planned out obligations (assignments and homework) so that I could easily complete them later in the day.
So, intoxicated I got. And it was a welcome distraction, if only for a few hours until I blearily stumbled into my bed.
I woke early, at 7am and felt a little sleep-deprived but not entirely out of sorts, so I decided to begin my day then. I had an appointment at 1pm and took my early start as an opportunity to do the assignments and homework I had on my “to do” list for the day.
I also scrubbed the ever-loving-shit out of the kitchen in it’s entirety, and now I’m taking a break before getting my teeth stuck into another assignment.
I feel like I’m accomplishing a lot, but failing at what’s most important; being a Father and Husband.
I ache for them.
What a whirlwind this week has been…
I’ve made great strides in assignments thus far; considering it’s only the second week of semester, I’ve already knocked off two assignments as well as keeping up with weekly readings and other minor homework submissions.
I’m using obligations as a means for distraction.
K is finding it very difficult without me, complaining constantly to his mother about how I apparently do things “better” such as help him dry his hair, making lunches and whatnot. We both knew this would happen, in the past when my Wife had to go away due to work commitments all I would hear is how great Mum was, and how much better Mum was at x, y or z.
He’s also having difficulty settling in at school due to different social expectations. Apparently if he’s seen playing with the girls at school he gets teased. This baffled him, because he’s not really aware of gender dichotomy’s or expectations in that regard. He thinks girls are pretty neat friends.
I sent both K and my Wife a letter each last week, and they both were very emotional when they received them. It probably didn’t help that I put some of my cologne on my Wife’s letter…
I feel lost without them both, but am maintaining a really strict work discipline and it’s making time pass a little easier.
Living in a share house with a bunch of blokes is very interesting, entertaining and affirming. I’m not used to socializing as much as I have been, but I’ve caught myself enjoying it every now and then.
I’m alone today, and reveling in the delight of being able to collect my thoughts properly for the first time since my Wife and K left over a week ago.
It’s only the second weekend without them.
Thank fuck for Skype.
Alright, I’ve settled into my new environment. Lots of Uni assessments to do, but in general I should be back to my regularly scheduled updates.
Also, I’m lonely and bored – ask me shit.
Okay, as promised here’s a couple of photographs of the underwear which has a built in packing pocket. Well, it’s just how they’re made – not specifically for trans guys or anything however they work quite well.
As far as I know these are only avaliable in Australia.
Big W stores more specifically.
And yes, I did use a pillow as an underwear model. Shh.
Apologies for the oversized faded briefs used here, I don’t personally use these type of underpants anymore although I did for quite a number of years. I wear these type when going to the gym or swimming, though – they make me feel more secure.
I couldn’t find a photo of the packaging for the Men’s version of the multipack briefs pictured, however I found a photograph of the Boy’s briefs in the Allsorts brand, and the packaging looks much the same.
K doesn’t know his biological father, alyhough he met him when he was about three. K’s bio dad has like five other children and all he’s concerned about is not having to pay child support.
He knows I’m not his biological father, though.
This year’s Father’s Day card and tie.
He also bought me an xbox live gold membership.
So yesterday I went to a local support group for older trans men.
I was really fucking nervous, changed like five times and put too much cologne on. Didn’t cut my head when shaving though, so bonus.
My friend who runs it came and picked me up, he’s in his mid 60’s and only transitioned about 4 years ago. Good dude, heaps odd though because he’s like a teenage boy in the body of an old man with a beard. hah.
Arrived and no one else was there, so my friend W who runs the group shouted me a beer and we grabbed a table away from the one or two other patrons in the bar. Within minutes two other guys arrived; J1 and J2. They were much older than me, although they didn’t look it because neither had begun T yet. After another short while a final guy came, V. He was maybe 5 years older than myself and beaming because he’d just gone on a first date. We all playfully ribbed him about it and ordered more beers.
There wasn’t much trans talk at all, which was awesome. We mentioned the one psych in our town who is able to help guys get their T letters, and how horrible he is with confidentiality, but that we’ve all seen him out of necessity. I spoke a bit about my balding and how long it took to get as bald as I am now. There was also some talk about underpants which are very cheap and also happen to have an inbuilt packer pouch.
Other than that it was; Relationships, Girlfriends/Wives, Football, Work, Me Moving.
It was really validating for me to be around a bunch of blokes that were just…blokes. Just happened to be trans too. And what’s more is that there’s a few of the older dudes who just can’t medically transition due to medical issues, work issues, family issues etc. The only time they get to be called their real names and “he” is in this fortnightly group. I could see the appreciation on some of the guy’s faces when we referred to each other. Something so simple can be someone’s life line.
All in all, 10/10 would recommend. Will go again.
So, I’ve been ridiculously busy as of late and haven’t had the time to sit down properly and update.
So, not sure what else has been happening… we decided for sure we are moving two days ago and in that time we have literally packed 17 full boxes and a half dozen almost filled. We own a lot of shit.
I took K to the park to fly his remote control helicopter. Kid is a pro; last one he had I literally crash landed it on the neighbours roof because I have that much skill.
I’ve got so much shit to write about on here and like, 0 motivation to sit down and write a proper post.
transmandad 