Tag: transman

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I have a difficult personal situation in which my closest friend in town, for reasons knows my history.
She’s chill and open minded, so it never really bothered me much.
But it seems it really bothers her.
Every single time she has a few drinks with us (most recently when K was away) she talks about how she doesn’t like x, y or z about my transition. I brush it off as it doesn’t come up when she’s sober, but last weekend she crossed a line and I can’t get over it.

I was showing her a book K made for me for Father’s Day this year – he’d taken photos of him and I over the years and written alongside them. It’s gorgeous.
She came upon a photo of K and I when we literally first met each other and became uncomfortable. Now, I was 6 months on T or so at this point. Looked totally male, just super young – I was 18! She closed the book and told me she didn’t want to see anymore, and I was so confused. This wasn’t about me, it was about K’s beautiful gift.

She went on to say how she feels uncomfortable because she finds me attractive pre transition and doesn’t now. Aside from the fact that I don’t pursue sexual relationships with my friends – this hit me like a brick.
What the fuck do I care if you find me attractive now or not? What does that have to do with my very personal transition experience? Why does she think her awkward feelings about my transition are in any way something I might want to hear about, ever?

I feel disgusted when she comes around, and avoid her. She takes things super personally so I can’t have an adult conversation, or even just tell her that I’m sorry but her feelings about MY transition are not something that I have to deal with.

I think she views my transition not as something that was needed for me to continue living, but as a convenience or preference in my presentation.
It makes me furious.

Apologies for the rant.

Musings.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I am feeling stifled here, intermittently.
I yearn to have some interactions with other trans people.
But then I remember previous groups and social events and wonder if I actually do want that interaction….

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Hey all,

Apologies (again) for the absence. Work is seriously kicking my ass, and I’ve also acquired a motorcycle so all my free time is split between riding and being with family.

Little K is not so little anymore – we moved closer to his school and he now rides his bike to and from off his own accord. His friend lives about a block away, so he’s been having a lot of fun and gaining independence. I try not to be a helicopter parent, but coming from a city it’s difficult to let go of preconceived notions of “danger”.

So, life is mainly work, chores, errands and family time with a little riding thrown in for headspace.

If you’re curious about something, send a message and I’ll answer as soon as possible.

Thanks for hanging in there everyone. Hopefully I’ll have a colleague soon enough so I won’t have to bust ass at work so much.

How did you get those abs?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

They’re  no where near as prominent now as they were in that photograph; I was at under 10% body fat there I’d estimate. That doesn’t happen often because I’m not a body builder, nor do I compete.

But exercises I love for abs and core are; Weighted hanging leg raises, and weighted hanging oblique twists, sit ups and crunches.
To get low body fat, I used to run 5k on a treadmill and do 30 mins of a cross trainer 5/7 days a week.

Do you have any fears of being inadvertently outed by your young son?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Sometimes, and he’s almost done it once when he was much younger.

But not so much now, as he completely understands that it’s not a secret, just not anybody’s business other than he, his Mother and I.

We gave him a list of people it’s okay to speak to about the subject, which is a short list comprising of very close friends and family – to ensure he always feels like he has people other than us he can speak to about it.

But in general now, no – I don’t hold that fear very strongly.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

So, our lives have been thrown into chaos lately due to having to unexpectedly vacate the rental we are living in.

Alongside this, we had to put our beloved family cat down two weeks ago and little K hasn’t been taking it very well. They slept together every night, and K was smitten with our cat.

We’re surviving though. Wife got a new job with more hours, and we’ve secured the new rental which is not only cheaper rent, but far more suited to our family than the current rental anyhow.

I’d say with the amount I’m working, alongside my Wife landing that new job – we’ll have enough saved for a deposit on our own little house in 12 months time.

Life is hectic, but our love surpasses anything.

Impending Weekend.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Work has been so full on and stressful lately, I’m loving every second I am away from the office.
The weekend is creeping up, and we’re all going on a road trip to visit my parents, in particular my Mother – for Mother’s Day.
Mum’s really excited because both of my Sisters and thier kids and spouses will be there too – we’ll all be in the same state at the same time.

This post has been tricky to write, because I’m trying to leave out most details and make this a little less personal.

I’m excited to see K and his cousins play and interact – they’re all fairly similar in age, and K is super excited to see them.
I’m a little apprehensive with regards to my Sisters and I being in the same space for so long together. They’re good people, and we certainly get along but I do have quite a bit of old anxieties when I’m around my whole family at once.
It’s like, old memories of pre transition and they get stuck in my mind. I can’t really articulate it properly. 

And for some reason they feel ownership over my history – they’ve outed me to random fucking people here and there, and when I pull them up on it and get angry they say stupid shit like “You can’t deny your past, you shouldn’t hide who you are!” and it makes me want to smash things. So I tend to avoid them a fair bit as a result.

Regardless, it will be a welcome distraction from thinking about work.