Early thirties post-transition stealth Father and Husband
This is a lovely message to wake up to, thank you. K is a wonderful child – very caring and considerate. It’s not only parenting but the people we surround ourselves with also influence K to a large degree.That’s not to say K is a perfect child, because there is no such thing. We sure do have our difficulties, especially lately with hormones coming into play.
Thank you again, this means a lot.
I’m about 5’2” I think, or around 160cm tall. I do get very dysphoric about my height, especially because my Wife is quite a few inches taller than myself, and our Son is likely to be taller than the both of us at this rate.
I’m not sure how I handle it; I guess I rationalize it by allowing myself to remember that there are men who are much shorter than me, and I should feel lucky to just be an “average” short guy.
She’s absolutely 100% fine about most everything besides from thinking it’s her right to be able to out me anecdotally and having old photographs displayed prominently.
She is fine in front of my Son, though.
This is something that I think about often, because it bothers me.
My Mother has three photographs up in various prominent locations in her house which clearly picture me in either a dress or looking female somewhat.
Each time I go and visit my parents (they live in an entire other state) I am literally greeted at the front door of a photograph of my whole family (2 sisters, myself and parents) dressed up in ridiculous formal clothing. Me in a red velvet dress with frills.
I remeber this day clearly, because I spent the majority of the time throwing tantrums because I had to wear that shitty dress. My sisters both wore slacks and blouses… I was not allowed to.
The other one is the last time I wore a dress, and it was for my year 10 formal. I knew I was trans then, and approached my parents about the possibility of me wearing a suit. My Mother then threw every guilt trip in the book at me, ending up with “Just ONCE more, for me? Your Mother? Please!?” And so I did. But I wore fucking boots underneath that damn dress.
The last one is a year 12 photo, and I guess I look like a boy but every time I see it I remeber the way I was feeling back then, and it’s really triggering.
I’ve tried explaining this to my Mother (Dad was quite willing to take them down) and she retorts with “You can’t run away from your past, that will always be there, you can’t change the fact that you were born female”.
No, I cannot, but I can request that very graphic and triggering images be removed at least while I am visiting. But no, I cannot tell her what she can and cannot display in her own house.
I often wonder what her friends think; having photographs of some mysterious little girl and then a shit ton of me and my own little family, bearded and in wedding clobber…. she must look like a dickhead.
But I know she outs me without my consent. She fucking tells anyone that will listen….she says it’s her right. It’s not.
Okay, that was my rant. Apologies. If anyone has any idea on how to approach this, I would appreciate advice.
I’m curious. You know how they say hair grows back faster and darker the more often you shave… Is that true for facial hair for pre-T? Or would I just be wasting my time if I started shaving?
Regardless of being trans or not, this is simply just a fallacy. Shaving does not cause hair to grow back darker or thicker.
Here’s a link explaining it, but basically hair feels tougher and thicker after it’s cut simply by the act of the cutting itself.
Here’s some information from Nick’s blog on the matter: Here and Here.
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I do feel as though a back brace might restrict your breathing/compress your rib cage too much. Basically if you can’t breathe or feel your ribs hurting – it’s far too tight. I would always err on the side of caution; this is your body and health we are talking about. Use a proper binder.
I never used anything other than really small sports bras or underworks binders.
Once again folks, feel free to answer this too!
I’m really sorry to hear this and I can sympathize, I was in a similar situation although not quite as big chested as you.
I’m assuming you’ve tried various types of binders, layering etc? If none of that even helped at all, I really feel for you. For what it’s worth; I used an underworks double front compression back in the day, used to grab my chest and pull it out toward my armpits and down at the same time, then fold the lower half of the double binder back up onto itself. The last step I found was really the key in getting me to look flatter. I then put a singlet (tank) over the top and whatever shirt I was going to wear that day.
Please please try not to bind too tightly, you can seriously damage yourself and your future surgery results. I know it can be tempting especially when you are big chested and it’s not working – but please keep that in mind.
As for money ideas, I’m all for raising money by selling unwanted things on ebay, trading talents for cash such as artwork etc, creating a small buisness. I eventually fell into a credit card which was the only way I was able to afford surgery, but I highly suggest avoiding this at all costs. I’m still paying it off to this day.
Do any followers have anything they’d like to chip in?
I hope things get better, anon.
Random influx of new followers; feel free to ask stuff.
Hey,
Coming out is really tough, so congrats for making that really big decision. There are a few sparse links dedicated to coming out that can be found here but I’m not sure if they’d be useful to you or not.
I can understand why you’d be scared to come out to co-workers in the environment you work in, those blokes can be pretty blunt and tactless when it comes to digesting issues they aren’t familiar with.
I think the best thing to do would be to approach your manager or supervisor and have them help you figure out the best way to deal with coming out to co-workers.
One thing I can tell you is that coming out as trans was probably one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do in my life, but it was exponentially worth it.
Good luck!
ok guys repeat after me:
Non-disclosure is not lying
i repeat…Non-disclosure is not lying
I agree with this 100%, obviously, since I’m stealth
but I’m starting to realize that my non-disclosure/covering up my past makes for a lot of questions, and I haven’t had to deal with that before
Like, my friend tonight asked me why I haven’t had a boyfriend ever, and I didn’t have an answer. I mean, I’ve been dealing with transitioning, I haven’t really had the time or ability…but I couldn’t tell her that.
She also said she’s determined to get me a boyfriend, and I don’t know how to calmly tell her “NOPE, NOT GONNA FUCKING HAPPEN”
I agree with everything here, too. I’ve had to outright lie in order to keep my non-disclosure status as such. It’s something I hadn’t thought about before I actually was presented with situations where I had to.
transmandad 