Are you worried about your trans status becoming known in such a small town?

In short, yes. But I’m concerned about my trans status being common knowledge wherever I am.

Here, I have some family. They’re very prominent members of this community and well respected due to business relations and town social standings. This is useful in the fact that if shit ever does hit the fan; they’ll be on my side fighting for me.

I almost feel as though things are so simple here, people are so straight forward that at times it feels less likely for anyone to ever out me due to the fact that trans people are invisible here. There is no knowledge about trans issues. I’m not even sure if people here would know it’s possible to transition from female to male.

Perhaps I’m not giving the town folk enough credit, but here I am seen as a short, odd little “alternative” man with a Wife and Son. Nothing more. The only reason people give me and my family a second look in this town is because we haven’t altered our dress sense to fit in – we appear more “city” than “country”. 

So, in-between being a Father and Husband again, before I become employed full-time – I’ll have a few spare hours each day to answer any questions.

If you’ve been wanting to ask things, now is the time they are far more likely to get answered promptly.

Ask here. As always, anonymous is enabled.

What are some good things going on in your life right now?

Despite me feeling sad almost all of the time due to missing my family, there is an abundance of amazing things happening in my life right now.

  • I’m living with three awesome guys as housemates.
  • My Wife and Son are visiting this weekend.
  • I am averaging 83% in my class marks thus far.
  • I have completed 6 (or 7?) assessments, and have 11 (or 10) remaining.
  • My Wife has begun her new job, and is doing well.
  • I am exercising more each day now that I don’t have a car as transport.
  • My Wife and I have been verbally offered a loan for a house through a family member.

So, despite my whinging and general negativity; things would be exceptional if it weren’t for the lack of K and my Wife. We’ve now not seen each other in a little over a month – it’s getting very difficult for everyone involved.
We’ve endeavored to not leave visits more than 3 weeks in between, from now on.

Hi, I live in Australia too and I was wondering if it was difficult for you to get your gender changed on your birth certificate? If you have had it changed.

I have had it changed, this is how I was able to legally marry my Wife.

It actually was a lot less difficult than I anticipated; I felt I had to jump through far more hoops to get my hysto done.
I downloaded the forms from my state’s Births, Deaths and Marriages website and had my GP who has been treating me for 8 years fill it out, alongside my Surgeon who performed my Hysto. I also attached a very large stack of documents pertaining to my chest surgery, psychiatrist letters for approval of prior surgeries and diagnosis etc and had them witnessed and signed by a Justice of the Peace for offical measure. I did not have to enclose these as per the guidelines on the BDM website, but I was very paranoid about spending so much time and money in order to get this changed I wanted to do every thing I could to ensure it would be processed smoothly.

Lo and behold, about four weeks later I recieved a brand new birth certificate, with no mention of prior name or sex. Lovely.

Hi, I am a transsexual male and I have been going to therapy for the past few months now. Hopefully within the next few months, I will be able to start testosterone. However, while I am happy that I get to see myself grow into the man that I should have been, there are been bouts of nervousness and doubt that I have been dealing with. I am not sure if it’s normal or not. Most of my nervousness and doubt is the fear of my future. Fear of the unknown. Are these fears and doubts normal? (cont…)

(cont…) I mean, I honestly can’t see myself living the rest of my life as a woman. Not because of gender roles or how I dress, but because I literally feel like I should’ve been born male. I should have a flat chest and a penis. As a future parent, I see myself as father, not a mother. He and him. But as I said earlier, I have just been have a lot bouts of nervousness and fears. Even anxiety. I don’t know what to do. I am at a loss here. Are these fears also fear of regret?

———


I commend you for your thoroughness regarding therapy and the like, well done. I can’t speak for everyone but from my experience it is certainly “normal” to doubt yourself/transition. I would be more concerned if you had no doubts, to be blatant.
Transitioning is an exceptionally large process to undergo, and should not be taken lightly – you seem to have a good grasp of this and that’s great.

Fear of the unknown is one thing humans are fantastic at. It’s also a really valid fear – it’s scary not knowing what to expect/what will eventuate from decisions you make.

You mentioned you can’t see yourself as a Woman, and wish to be a Father. These are all things you need to reflect upon when feeling doubtful.

But you also need to remember that self doubt in small amounts is healthy, it’s a critical way of looking at things and serves a purpose.

Did you grow taller when you transitioned? Did your hands and feet get any bigger either? Just something I’ve always been curious about.

Unfortunately I did not.
I medically transitioned when I was legally able to, at 18 years old – as my parents were not willing to be supportive with regards to the medical side of things.

I have always had a short stature, especially when comparing my height to the rest of my family – but unfortunately I had finished all the growing I was able to do prior to the introduction of T.

Growth plates are fickle things; if you begin medical transition early enough (or before your growth plates fuse) you may be able to benefit from some height growth, alongside other body parts.

I think perhaps my feet grew half a size, but I can’t be exactly sure because I never really bothered to find out my actual foot size to begin with. Other people I have know that are on T have reported an increase in foot size, however – so it’s not totally impossible.

As far as hand size goes; same deal, I didn’t experience any change. I am relatively happy with the overall size of my hands, just wish my fingers weren’t to thin, long and bony – purchasing a wedding band was an absolute nightmare. I had to get a men’s ring sized down to a very small size.

If anyone else has any experiences, feel free to chip in?

Old Photographs.

This is something that I think about often, because it bothers me.
My Mother has three photographs up in various prominent locations in her house which clearly picture me in either a dress or looking female somewhat.

Each time I go and visit my parents (they live in an entire other state) I am literally greeted at the front door of a photograph of my whole family (2 sisters, myself and parents) dressed up in ridiculous formal clothing. Me in a red velvet dress with frills.

I remeber this day clearly, because I spent the majority of the time throwing tantrums because I had to wear that shitty dress. My sisters both wore slacks and blouses… I was not allowed to.

The other one is the last time I wore a dress, and it was for my year 10 formal. I knew I was trans then, and approached my parents about the possibility of me wearing a suit. My Mother then threw every guilt trip in the book at me, ending up with “Just ONCE more, for me? Your Mother? Please!?” And so I did. But I wore fucking boots underneath that damn dress.

The last one is a year 12 photo, and I guess I look like a boy but every time I see it I remeber the way I was feeling back then, and it’s really triggering.

I’ve tried explaining this to my Mother (Dad was quite willing to take them down) and she retorts with “You can’t run away from your past, that will always be there, you can’t change the fact that you were born female”.

No, I cannot, but I can request that very graphic and triggering images be removed at least while I am visiting. But no, I cannot tell her what she can and cannot display in her own house.

I often wonder what her friends think; having photographs of some mysterious little girl and then a shit ton of me and my own little family, bearded and in wedding clobber…. she must look like a dickhead.
But I know she outs me without my consent. She fucking tells anyone that will listen….she says it’s her right. It’s not.

Okay, that was my rant. Apologies. If anyone has any idea on how to approach this, I would appreciate advice.

pokemontrainermax:

I’m curious. You know how they say hair grows back faster and darker the more often you shave… Is that true for facial hair for pre-T? Or would I just be wasting my time if I started shaving?

Regardless of being trans or not, this is simply just a fallacy. Shaving does not cause hair to grow back darker or thicker.
Here’s a link explaining it, but basically hair feels tougher and thicker after it’s cut simply by the act of the cutting itself.

does testosterone come in pill form? ty

My father in law takes a form of testosterone in pill form for his low t condition, when I inquired with my GP about this, he said the efficacy of the pills versus injections was drastically different and that it wouldn’t work for me. I’m not sure what the pills were called but they worked on increasing testosterone production in the testes, which I do not have.