Tag: trans man dad

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I’m sorry I haven’t been as active on here as I could have been of late…

(TL;DR)

Writing here reminds me just how much I miss my Wife and K.
It seems to only be getting more difficult as the days pass, missing my family.
It’s mere days until K’s 9th Birthday, and although my Wife and I picked out and purchased gifts a while back (we love to be organized), I wanted to get a little extra something to send from me.
I got him a massive poster from one of his favorite video games; his new room is the largest in the house and his three framed Star Wars prints apparently felt inconspicuous.

Anyway, I posted that off to him yesterday. When I arrived home from University I saw a letter had arrived and I knew right away from the handwriting that it was from my Wife.

I swore, knowing this would likely make me melancholy at best and sat down to read it.
She wrote amazingly beautiful and supportive things, sprayed her perfume on the card (I…no words. I died) and even put on lipstick and kissed the paper….this from a Woman who usually detests makeup.
I inhaled her perfume deeply, became suddenly frightened that the scent would leave the paper and quickly slid the whole thing back into the envelope.

I had a difficult time after that…I went through a range of emotions which ultimately culminated in anger – there was nothing I could do to help K, who’s been having some trouble settling in at school, my Wife – who is feeling overwhelmed with unpacking an entire house, looking after K by herself and starting a new career to boot.
I feel like a failure for my absence. I’m three weeks deep into this semester and I am trying with all my might to get shit done.

I’ve knocked off a few assignments, which is far more organized than the entirety of people I attend classes with.

Anyway, as a result of the letter and my anger I decided to do what any rational human being would do under similar circumstances; get drunk. I have the day off Uni today and had planned out obligations (assignments and homework) so that I could easily complete them later in the day.
So, intoxicated I got. And it was a welcome distraction, if only for a few hours until I blearily stumbled into my bed.

I woke early, at 7am and felt a little sleep-deprived but not entirely out of sorts, so I decided to begin my day then. I had an appointment at 1pm and took my early start as an opportunity to do the assignments and homework I had on my “to do” list for the day.

I also scrubbed the ever-loving-shit out of the kitchen in it’s entirety, and now I’m taking a break before getting my teeth stuck into another assignment.

I feel like I’m accomplishing a lot, but failing at what’s most important; being a Father and Husband.

I ache for them.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

It was k’s first day of school today, and he rang me last night crying because he was terrified about it.

My Wife sent me a photo of him in uniform this morning and he looks so grown up it kills me.

I feel empty and alone, but I’m working hard at uni.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years now, and one day we’ll want to have children and he’s ftm. This is a weird scienceyish question I guess? Generally, when cis men have kids, their testosterone levels drop significantly. How do you think this effects transmen as fathers?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

This is something I am certainly not qualified to answer, despite having some university Biology under my belt.

I feel as though if your boyfriend has had a hysto, and is taking testosterone – there will be nothing to “drop” his testosterone levels (or raise his estrogen). If he still has his reproductive organs, perhaps they may infer an undue amount of estrogen during/after pregancy, but that’s just a haphazard guess.

My best advice would be to see a fertility specialist. Good luck!

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I would love to write more here, but I’m exceptionally busy with my studies, work and maintaining a household/ trying to raise a human being/be a husband.

If you’ve got anything you’d like me to write about, feel free to ask/submit.

I find it much easier when I’ve been prompted with something such as that.

I do have something I plan on writing about when I feel I have enough time to dedicate to the topic. I’m not really fond of being half-assed.

If this is uncomfortable or you don’t want to answer that’s fine but I was wondering, did you carry your child or did you donate eggs or did you do the thing where they change the eggs into sperm or what? sorry, just trying to understand my furture options if i ever want to have kids.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

This isn’t uncomfortable at all.

K is not my biological child, he is my Wife’s biological child that she had 11 months before we met. K’s maternal “dad” left shortly after K was born, he was an unplanned pregnancy and my Wife did not feel abortion was an option she wanted to take.

Turns out, K had a Father all along. When we met, I wasn’t called Dad straight away (obviously). Soon it became very clear that I wasn’t going anywhere at all – and my Wife asked me if I wanted to be K’s Father. The rest, as they say, is history.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Organized Sport.

K is an indoorsy type of kid, and for the most part we’ve allowed that to happen because it’s simply his personality. He had a brief stint in hockey which we encouraged with gusto but it just wasn’t his thing. He takes regular Drum lessons, does Chior with school and has done dancing in the past, though.

He recently came home from school very excited at the prospect of playing basketball for a local team comprised of his school mates. We jumped at this and paid the fairly expensive registration, team and uniform fees because hey – it’s an organized sport and he’s taken an interest.

I’m excited about going to his first training session this Thursday.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Third Grade.

So K has gone into third grade in the last two weeks. He absolutely adores school and learning, so he’s been looking forward to going back to school all holidays.

After his first day, he came home a little overwhelmed. Not with grade three itself – but because being in third grade meant he began thinking about his schooling future. He was freaking out about High School and the prospect of different classes etc. After I went through some of his concerns (which are all valid) I explained that he doesn’t need to look toward his future with concern, but live as best he can right now to prepare for his future the best he can.

We spoke about Math, and how he really loves that subject. We spoke about how he wants to become a video game designer, and how even at eight he’s taking steps to make that become a reality when he’s older.

It really takes me aback when I think about the conversations I have with my eight year old Son. I often wonder if other parents have to have these conversations so “early” like my Wife and I do.

I think it’s got something to do with the fact that he’s an only child. I was too for the most part as my siblings are much, much older than myself and had moved out/moved states when I was around K’s age. As a result I grew up being spoken to like an adult, and while we do that with K to a certain degree – we still make sure that we allow space for him to enjoy his childhood.

Anyhow, I haven’t written here in a while but still log in each day to see what’s been happening. If you have any questions or topics you’d like to see covered, shoot me a message/ask.

– TMD.