Tag: trans man dad

Wife’s discussion with my Father.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I’ve been meaning to write about this for quite some time, but haven’t felt I had enough time to give it the attention it deserves.

Some weeks back, whilst visiting my parents in another state – my Wife and Father had a frank, honest discussion with each other.

Some background information: my Dad is disabled, due to a work car accident when I was only six years old. As a result, he’s semi-paralyzed from the waist down and was told he’d never be able to walk again. He cannot feel his legs and feet, amoung other things. He’s taught himself how to walk because he is a stubborn bastard, haha.

Anyway – my Wife was attempting to explain why I feel like I want lower surgery, and the barrier to that surgery for me. Dad could not understand why having a penis was so important to me – he kept saying “But, the penis doesn’t make a man! – he’s more of a man than half the guys with dicks…”

My Wife tried, several ways, to get him to understand that I know a penis isn’t integral to being male, but for me it’s important.

He said something to her which I haven’t been able to forget. He said “Look, if I kept thinking the way he does – that I need to have a functioning ‘normal’ penis in order to be a man – I’d have killed myself years ago. Mine doesn’t work. Nothing. Nadda. Nobodies home. Probably a bit too much information, but you get what I mean.”

Dad has a bit of trouble speaking to me about these types of personal things. It’s not been a usual occurance in his culture and family to have men speak to each other so honestly about such deep topics, so I wasn’t actually there for the conversation.

My Wife told my Father that he needed to tell me that. All of it. And whilst he agreed; it has yet to happen.

I keep thinking about the conversation they had and feeling bad. Because here’s my own Father – the strongest man I know. The most amazing Father and Husband and Brother and Son. And he feels like I do. Or has. Whatever. And here I am – able-bodied, healthy. Not disabled. And I have the nerve to whinge about not having a cock?

I guess this is why I never wrote about this previously, simply because I don’t know what else to say other than this particular conversation has had me thinking for several weeks.

2014.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

FIrstly, Happy New Year to every single one of you. May 2014 be a joyous and peaceful year for you all.

Last week, I quit my job that I had gotten shortly after arriving in the rural town we now reside. A member of my extended family runs a buisness here in town, and she was unable to keep up with the bookwork and wages due to having another job and four children. So she offered the job to me, which I graciously accepted. Same rate of pay as my previous job, less hours however in an air conditioned office and I don’t have to literally run to keep up with customer demand. Lovely.

I do however feel a little bit shit for quitting the other job due to the amount of money it was bringing our family. Realistically it was the most money we have made as a family to date. When paying bills we didn’t usually have to take money off one bill to put on another, which was relieving.

I was however out of the house before sunrise most mornings, and was tired and grumpy upon my return home. K was making it known he did not like me working such hours, and my poor Wife was struggling with working and tending to the house on her own.

We have always lived by the motto of “Work to live, don’t live to work” and I was going back on that. It felt as though I wasn’t being a good Husband or Father, only a good employee.

So, new job abounds and a bit more time to do things for my family now, which is great.

Hey dude, awesome page. I will be following as I plan to be a dad some day and it’s nice to see someone going through that process as a trans man before me! I just got one of the new tsw stp packers and like it better than my peecock (which felt cheap and broke)… Check out my page if ya like :)

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Hey, thanks for the kind words – glad this blog is useful to some.

I also appreciate the recommendation regarding the TSW STP; but I’m not currently in the market for a new STP.

I’ve had my current Generation 1 Peecock for approximately 4 years, using it every single day and it’s only recently begun to wear away and begin to break – not really even break just more wear away from friction. Four years of continual use has far exceeded the lifespan I thought the product would originally have, so I haven’t really had anything negative to say with regards to the longevity of my particular Peecock. They do however leave something to be desired in terms of realism – but that’s a compromise I’m willing to take as it does what I want it to in all other areas.

Edit:
I just researched the TSW STP’s and unfortunately the reason I’m so enamored with the Peecock is it’s 3-in-1 ability to become a hard prosthetic without having to switch “equipment”. The ease of use for an STP and/or packer is simply a bonus for me.

Are you worried about your trans status becoming known in such a small town?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

In short, yes. But I’m concerned about my trans status being common knowledge wherever I am.

Here, I have some family. They’re very prominent members of this community and well respected due to business relations and town social standings. This is useful in the fact that if shit ever does hit the fan; they’ll be on my side fighting for me.

I almost feel as though things are so simple here, people are so straight forward that at times it feels less likely for anyone to ever out me due to the fact that trans people are invisible here. There is no knowledge about trans issues. I’m not even sure if people here would know it’s possible to transition from female to male.

Perhaps I’m not giving the town folk enough credit, but here I am seen as a short, odd little “alternative” man with a Wife and Son. Nothing more. The only reason people give me and my family a second look in this town is because we haven’t altered our dress sense to fit in – we appear more “city” than “country”. 

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

So, in-between being a Father and Husband again, before I become employed full-time – I’ll have a few spare hours each day to answer any questions.

If you’ve been wanting to ask things, now is the time they are far more likely to get answered promptly.

Ask here. As always, anonymous is enabled.

Update.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Long time no write, I’ve been ridiculously busy and for that I apologize.

I have two assessments left to complete in order to graduate, and there is 15 days until my Wife makes the journey to this town in order to pick me up and take me home.

I can’t really articulate how I am feeling about it all, because my emotions are so varied. I am beyond excited at finally, after almost three months – reuniting with my family on a permanent basis. I am excited to get work, begin life. Finish this chapter.

In the same instance I feel myself being somewhat saddened by the actuality of leaving this town. More so – the actuality of leaving my pseudo-family. These guys have carried me during some tough times, allowed me into their home without exception. Mostly, they’ve given me experiences I thought I would never have had the opportunity to experience given that I am married with a child.

I basically got to experience share house living, as though I were a batchelor. It’s been an eye opener and very rewarding. What a learning curve. So affirming.
The boys are all pretty shocked that the three months has gone by so rapidly; and the house feels a bit melancholy because of it. I plan to cherish the moments I have remaining with these three guys.

K is doing very well at his new school – the standardized testing results for all children in his year level nationally came back recently, and he is almost an entire band above average in everything. I am very proud.

My Wife is finally getting to do some real work with her job; after a couple of months building rapport with the local community and setting up a new office in the town. She rings me with excitement for debriefs, just like when we were living together in the city. It makes me happy.

The small town has mere spatterings of jobs, but due to the low population; everyone knows each other. As a result my Wife has been speaking of my imminent graduation, and has been encouraged to tell me to apply at several places that are desperate for someone with qualifications such as mine. To be able to use my arts degree in a rural backwoods town is more than a shock, to say the least. I was planning on falling back on hard labor and/or working with my Brother-In-Law with his company as an apprentice.

Today I will complete a take home examination, and then there will be one assessment remaining between graduation and I.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I got to visit K and my Wife for four days recently…

The little town is gorgeous, the people not so much but vast wilderness and wildlife outnumber humans drastically so it’s hardly noticeable.

I spent an entire day maintaining the land for my Wife; she couldn’t get the mower to start (and is usually very good at it) so I figured the engine may have seized with lack of use – it belonged to my father and he hadn’t used it for months. Land maintenance was getting pretty pertinent as the back paddock had stinging nettles around chest height, growing out of control. My Wife had attempted to kill it all off using roundup (drastic for us, but K and her were suffering from the stings) to no avail.

I mowed the entire block, front and back – even edged the lawns. Slashed the back paddock of doom without a single nettle sting – much to my amazement. Turns out the several layers of work gear, boots, gloves and a hat were a good idea.

We spent days feeding ducks, exploring the river banks, throwing rocks into the river with K.

When walking along the path next to the river with my Wife, K and my Nephew – K and my Nephew ran quite a way ahead of us. I looked slightly concerned I guess, and turned to my Wife about to ask if I should yell for them to wait up, when she smiled and explained not to worry – the path is safe, the town small and everyone knows each other. I am inherently and stupidly overprotective by nature, but K has been overwhelmed with a sense of independents and freedom since moving there. It was so refreshing to see, and it made me reflect upon my own parental practices.

At night my Wife and I played board games and chatted over drinks and cheese platters. I’d wake up with her head on my chest.

I read K bedtime stories, even got to attend a Friday morning school assembly. We went out for dinner with the family that resides in town.

Mostly, it was just a bitter reminder of all that I am missing whilst studying. I hadn’t anticipated the complete and utter empty feeling I would have after I returned from my little visit. I fell into the rhythm of life there far too easily, instantly comfortable from the moment I arrived… it was hard to come back.

By gosh, K had grown at least a bazillion inches since I last saw him. Or two, perhaps.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

There’s something inherently magic about being the only one in the house.

When with my Wife and K, there was always a period of time within a week (often many) where I would have the house to myself for a few hours.

Here, there’s generally always people home, even if everyone’s in their rooms.

I got home from an appointment this morning and found myself to be the only one home besides from the dogs and cat.
It’s a warm breezy day, yet the house is cool and quiet. It’s lovely.

I’ve had so much I’ve been meaning to write, but each time I’ve had the opportunity I’ve been so very tired and simply chose sleep over writing.

There’s been so much happening I actually am unable to give a rundown properly.
My Wife and K have been having a difficult time in general settling in; K’s having school issues (which we are sorting out), my Wife is settling into a new job in which her manager is incompetent at best, I’m absolutely swamped with major assessment items which all seem to be compacted into the same few week period.
And we are all missing the ever loving shit out of each other, so we’re emotional.

I’ve become the absent hero of K’s world; which tended to happen in reverse when we were all together – that being my Wife would go on a work related travel endeavor and K would, the second she left, insist that his Mother did x, y or z better than I did and Dad’s way just isn’t good enough. Turns out that since I have been absent nothing my Wife does is acceptable, or pales in comparison to “the way Dad does it”.

K turned 9 the other day, and he literally grew a few centimeters in the four weeks since I had seen him last. He’s so smart. Often a little too smart, arguing back to his Mum and blatantly ignoring perfectly acceptable requests such as “Can you please help me tidy the lounge room?” – my Wife and I have been waiting for the rebellious boundary-testing stage for a while. Here it is!

Anyway, there’s tons more stuff I could write about but I’ll attempt to write more often.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I was going to make an update post, but the dot points in my previous ask pretty much sum up all the interesting things that have been going on lately.

Except for one little anecdote:

My Wife has always been a little reluctant to deal with the intricacies of boyhood with regards to puberty – referring questions to me and asking if I could handle the matter.

 Seeing as we’re all apart for the time being, my Wife has had to deal with a few things she’d rather not – namely questions about erections and reassuring K that things are normal but there’s a time and a place for certain activities. Hah.

I will admit to a quiet little giggle between the two of us at me not being present and her being the only parent available.