Tag: trans man dad

Growing Up.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Normal
0

false
false
false

MicrosoftInternetExplorer4

/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:”Table Normal”;
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:””;
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:”Times New Roman”;
mso-ansi-language:#0400;
mso-fareast-language:#0400;
mso-bidi-language:#0400;}

I feel as though K has crossed some kind of threshold into pre-pubescence in
the last couple of months. It’s natural for my Wife and I to occasionally
remark about him looking “grow up” in certain attire, or when he’s just had a
fresh haircut, or when he uses a particularly complex word in the correct
context.

But this time it’s actually different. He actually is growing up – I
can without effort envisage him as a teenager. He’s always been taken with
music, but now he puts his iPod on his speaker, closes the door and sings at
the top of his lungs. The way he interacts with the world around him has
changed, not necessarily in any negative capacity but more so with a general
feeling of growth. It’s difficult to articulate.

Last weekend, my Wife and I took K on a roadtrip to a small quiet rural town
that had a “great” skate park, according to friends. K is super into riding his
scooter, and it’s kind of hysterical because I grew up obsessed with
skateboarding – scooter riders being an active enemy in my youth.
I digress – he and I had such a good time together, me skating and him on his
scooter. We had the park to ourselves for hours, my Wife and our family dog
were going on short walks, playing fetch and watching alternately. K and I were
cheering each other on, doing lines around the skate park following one
another. Afterwards we walked to the nearby café and bought some lunch to eat
in the park, and then K and I played on the play equipment.
Our car was parked back over near the skate park – our gear already in the boot
but when K lamented at the fact we were going home, and asked for another 15
minutes at the skate park – it didn’t take long for either of us to oblige.
I think we’re going again this Saturday.

It’s 1am here in America and I’ve had a bad headache and haven’t been able to sleep because I’ve been struggling so much thinking about my future. I have an unsupportive family and I’m at the point where I need to make changes in my life if I want to be happy. I felt really sad and depressed and have been crying so I came on tumblr to distract myself and your page came up in my suggestions. Your posts give me hope and I want to say thank you so much for sharing your personal experiences.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Hey man.

Thank you for the kind words.
You’re most certainly not alone, and feel free to message me any time you aren’t feeling great. It may take me a while to respond, because I’m super busy but I do read every single ask that comes into my box.

You future is going to happen regardless of whether you lay there worrying about it, I promise. It’s difficult to just “let go” but ultimately – that’s the best thing to do. I know it’s hard.

Distraction is a great therapy for a worried mind. I use this tactic all the time and it’s brilliant for us stress heads; check out something that makes your heart flutter, or your mind whizz, or watch cute cat videos on youtube, or watch a super interesting documentary.

This hasn’t been very helpful and I do apologize, but feel free to contact me any time you feel the need.

Hello. I’m not really sure how to ask this, so it may sound like rambling. I am 17, and FtM. I really want to adopt kids some day. I am worried they will hate me or maybe get bullied or something because of who I am. Is there a way that would be best to tell them who I was so they don’t freak out and disown me? A prime age? I know I am a big young to worry about stuff like this, but it taints my daydreams when my own kids turn against me or run away haha (but really…). Thanks!

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Hey. Never apologize for asking a question, the only silly question is that which is left unasked.

I think becoming a parent when you are trans is always going to be fraught with “what if?” type scenarios. But ultimately; kids don’t give a fuck if you have three heads and are green, as long as you love and care for them.

It’s terrifying, but the only thing I can think of more terrifying is not living the life you truly want.

As an aside, here is a link about coming out to K, and here is a link to a great rescource pertaining to coming out to your kids called the “Little Boy Book” produced by FTM Australia, available in hard copy for a fee or for free in .PDF form.

Not sure if you’ve answered this before, my apologies if you have; Do you two ever think about expanding your family or are you happy with stopping at little K?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Hey fightingweakness – I’m a big fan.

I think I have answered this before, here. 

And two years later, our position is exactly the same.
I think between the two of us, I am the “cluckier” one – I dote on friend’s and family’s babies tremendously, and moosh over tiny shoes and outfits in stores. My Wife thinks this is absolutely adorable, but we still haven’t changed our minds.

Hey man, sorry if this is rude and you don’t by any means have to answer this, but did you experience any hair loss on T and when did you start to? Also, if so, which side of your family did you obtain the balding gene from? Sorry mate, I’m just a bit anxious and would like some input on someone who’s been on T for so long.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Hey.

I unfortunately do suffer quite a bit from balding. I guess it began shortly after my 19th Birthday – so just over a year on T. It wasn’t particularly significant until approximately five years ago, where my receeding got quite noticable and bad alongside significant thinning on the top of my head.

Genetically speaking, I was fucked either way. Both of the men on either side of my family have the same male pattern baldness, but I really feel I got it from my Mother’s side. Her Father and Brothers both went bald early as did I, and they now sport what I like to refer to as the “Port Phillip Bay” (an Aussie thing…) where they only grow hair on the side of thier head. My Father, his Brothers and my paternal Grandfather however went bald the exact same way, just not as rapidly.

At first, I was so distraught from going bald. I was angry that I had waited so long to be outwardly male, and that I only got perhaps one year with a non receeding full head of hair. I felt cheated. I grew out my fringe, trying to hide it – as was the popular style at the time. It looked horrible. I didn’t want to be that dude with the comb-over, and thankfully I never let it go that long.

Eventually, somewhere along the line I made peace with it. I realised that if I was born properly, I would still be dealing with this. I began buzzing my head really close and kept it that way for some years. It looked much better, but there was a noticable difference between the stubble on the sides of my head as opposed to the top: it was obvious why I kept my hair that short.

Nowdays, I shave my head absolutely bald. I grow hair just fine on the sides, very thick – and I still grow hair on the top of my head however it is far thinner and blonder than anywhere else on my head – and particularly receeded. Shaving it bald makes me feel more confidant – it’s amazing how freeing not having to worry about hair feels. I have a beard, partially so I don’t look like “an egg” (one of my greatest fears!) and partially due to the fact that I may as well grow hair somewhere on my head if not the top of it.

I couldn’t imagine having a full head of hair now. I did mourn the loss of it for sure, and I can safely say that accepting my baldness has taken quite a lot of personal battles – but in no way do I regret taking testosterone.

Quite frankly I’d rather be bald and alive, than dead with a full head of hair.

Don’t let this dissuade or scare you; I personally know men who have been on Testosterone for just as long as me if not longer and they still have a full, luscious head of hair. It’s all in the genes.

A decade on Tesosterone.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

So I had my shot yesterday. I always put it off, but I’m getting better. Sort of.

It got me thinking about the process of taking testosterone and how that tends to play out for me emotionally speaking, as the years progress.

Sometime this year, I can’t remember exactly – June or so I believe, I will have injected testosterone into my body for 10 years. A decade. That’s a pretty intense thing to reflect upon, let alone live.

During the first few years, maybe the first 4 or 5, I did my own shots in my thigh. I was taught how to do it initially by my GP, and did the same thing, alternating sides every fortnight when my shot was due. As time went on, I began to resent the medicalisation of my life, the fact that I needed artificial testosterone as I was unable to produce my own. After five years of Testosterone shots in my thighs, I had scar tissue built up around the injection sites. I let my shots fall later and later, to the point where my Wife (fiancée at the time) asked if I would prefer she do it. I knew having regular shots was integral to my mental wellbeing and physical health, but I was my own barrier. I was thankful for her help.

I am now on a kind of testosterone called Reandron. This is a large dose of testosterone of the slow release variety, meaning I now get shots once every ten weeks. This has severely reduced my resentment toward the shots themselves, and although it’s large volume-wise (4ml as compared to 1ml injection) the benefits outweigh the slight tenderness of an injection site for a few hours. If it wasn’t for Reandron, I’d be late with my shots consistently, and that’s something I don’t want – it fucks with my hormones and my head.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

mean1mrgrinch:

If it’s not too personal to ask I was just wondering how being trans affects your child in a way that makes you wish you were born properly for his sake more often than for your own? I’m just curious because I’d like to have a family of my own someday.

It’s not too personal. The way I look at things, K and my Wife are the two most important things in my world. Then the dog, the cat, our friends and family, then me.
Being trans is going to fuck you up, at least a little bit. I expected entirely that I would be affected by my transsexuality at least to some degree. So it’s not surprising then when I feel an intense longing to be born correctly.

But when I reflect on how this has already and will continue to impact on K, and to some degree my Wife – it’s intolerable. I feel intense hate that they too are impacted by this fucking ailment. How unfair it is to see those you love impacted negatively by something you yourself cannot control or fix?

And I think of all the things K misses out on by me being this way. The formative toilet training years could have been…better. His knowledge of my condition and the resulting “burden” of having a Father who is not the same as your friends’ Fathers. The trepidation I’m sure I feel when K attempts to ask me a penis related question, followed by the cold realization he’s asked me something I don’t actually have physical experience with. The fact that I flat out have to lie to him on occasion to instill morals around body positivity, even though I’m not sure if I will ever love my body in it’s entirety. 

This is all difficult to articulate, and I’m not sure I’m expressing my feeling clearly enough.

The crux of the situation is; I would rather K have a Father who does not have these barriers to Fatherhood.

But I wake up each day feeling utterly blessed, the luckiest man alive.

Sorry if this had already been asked, but I was wondering how/if your dysphoria affects your libido/sex life? Do you go for long periods of time without intimacy because of it? How does it affect your partner? I’m sorry if these questions are too personal, feel free to ignore this if they are. Thanks!

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

For the most part, my libido outweighs my dysphporia.

Sometimes when things are particularly bad, it will stop me from wanting to recieve any sexual contact – instead I just pleasure my Wife. She completely understands this, because I communicate with her far before the fact. Open communication about your feelings is key – your partner can’t read your mind.

Dysphoria affects my sexual intimacy in a few ways, but it doesn’t generally stop sex entirely – it just changes the way we have sex for a short period of time. That could be a few hours, days, weeks or occasionally months. My Wife says this doesn’t affect how she views me or our relationship at all, which is lovely.

I don’t really feel comfortable going into much more detail, and I hope this answered your questions well enough.

Freetom Prosthetics 4-in-1 Pleasure/Play review.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

NSFW.

I have used the Freetom Prosthesis for play a couple of times since I received the product. There might not be much new information below that wasn’t covered in the video, but as requested here’s a write-up review of the sexual functions.

Fit with a harness.
I use a Rodeoh harness; it’s easier to put on than most others and feels the most minimal and natural in the way there are no straps or adjustable buckles present.
The Freetom looked wider in girth than my previous pack and play, so I didn’t know if it would fit in the Rodeoh’s modest O-ring. It did however, and I was able to place the balls inside the underwear pouch itself, so the prosthesis rests against me and the dick comes out through the aforementioned o-ring hole. This made the “pleasure ridge” aspects actually function, as otherwise there would be a layer of material between myself and the prosthesis.

Use.
This is pretty straight-forward; it works very well. The rod doesn’t want to bend out of shape easily, so it accommodates rough play well. The silicone skin I have been informed feels exceptionally realistic to the recipient, and the size is “just right”.
I felt very connected to this prosthesis during sex. There was minimal mind/body disconnect, unlike when using other prosthesis which might have to be adjusted during sex thus intensifying my dysphoria. The Freetom just stayed put, due to the undersized Rodeoh I use most likely.
The pleasure ridges thing did work intermittently, but the natural er..momentum of having sex means that it’s kind of a sporadic friction, and your natal dick can move out of the “channel” so to speak. Either way, I actually did get stimulation from the little pleasure ridges. Nice touch.

Cleaning.
As with all prosthesis, especially ones I urinate through – I wear a condom during sex.
It ensures cleanliness and hygiene for the prosthesis as well as for your partner.
Clean up simply entails removal of the condom followed by a thorough clean of the prosthesis to remove excess lubricant and possible sneaky bodily fluids – this is the same process as other men. You simply have to clean your dick after you’re done having sex. It’s a thing.

Overall.
I wasn’t dissatisfied with my previous sexual prosthesis, nor was my Wife. I guess it’s true that you don’t know any better until you get something that works better for you. That’s what the Freetom is for me; a large upgrade in the sexual prosthesis department in terms of realistic skin feel, size and mind/body connect. I’d love the skin tone to match a little more, however having sex in full natural light is something that happens rarely, so it’s not noticeable.