Tag: stealth ftm

how’d you are your wife meet? And if you don’t mind me asking how many years did you guys get married after meeting?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I’m almost certain I have answered this before, but I can’t seem to find it so it warrants another go.

My Wife and I met via a conference in the top end of Australia; both our universities had sent us there and from first sight, we were both smitten.
I spent the entire conference with her, every second, and we began a long-distance relationship after we returned to our seperate states.
It took me two months to realise I needed to move to be with her, and I did.
I proposed to her about 6 months into our relationship, and she said yes.

We have been together for 10 years, and married for 3 years. We waited so long for the actual wedding as I was not yet legally male and still had to have my hysto etc.

This has now been added to the FAQ.

Oh man, thanks for following my blog! You’re a big inspiration to me and I hope to one day have what you have! In every sense of the word! Little K is very a very lucky little dude and your wife sounds like an amazing woman. Your life sounds perfect and I can’t wait to have that!

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

This is a very lovely sentiment, thank you.

I am the lucky one. I certainly count my blessings.

My life is by far from perfect in every sense of the word, but it’s about as close as one could possibly get.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

The Wife and I have spoken recently about the large amount of questions/asks we get about “how” to find love.

It makes both of us really sad that a ton of trans people are under the impression they’ll have to settle for someone who loves them, or that they may never find that in the first place.

No, stop.

You will find someone who is right for you. It may seem stupid, but I honestly believe there is someone (perhaps even multiple people) out there for everyone. It might be more difficult in the beggining because as trans people, we don’t tend to allow ourselves enough room to love our physical apperance without a lot of work and dedication, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

It’s also spurred conversation about how we might be able to take a non-identifying “family photo” of sorts. Perhaps of the back of us, perhaps in a location no where near where we reside. Perhaps it will never happen at all, but there’s been discussion around it.

Hey man, what are your tips with dealing with dysphoria when you’re 16, your out to only 2 friends who you don’t see too often, and your parents are very transphobic? I plan to start my transition a few months before I turn 18, with my goal of being on t with my name changed by the time I start college. Luckily for me, I have my entire senior year to work towards that..

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Hey there.

I went and found the posts tagged dysphoria in hopes they might have some helpful information for you, so feel free to browse through that if you’ve got a minute.
It’s pretty tough when you’re first coming out – there’s much less physical and emotional supports for you. Firstly, I’d like to extend the invitation to you or anyone else who feels they might need it to contact me directly and have a chat – just specify that you’d rather keep the conversation private and I will certainly honour that.

Secondly, there’s a wide variety of IRL and online support groups, especially youth related, that I feel might be beneficial to you. They’re generally categorized by general geographic location, so perhaps try some google-fu akin to “online trans support groups ### area” or something. 

Finally, know you’re not alone. There are a lot of other men going through similar experiences, in similar situations. We may not all be the same, but we can all support one another. This shit isn’t easy, and you never have to go through it alone.

Can you go into more detail about how you changed your gender legally?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Sure can.

I waited until I had my hysto before I changed my gender, as I was able to get my hysto covered by the government while I was still legally female.

There were mere months before I “had” to get my gender changed, in order to be able to legally marry my Wife. We’d booked out wedding, sent out invitations etc.

Right after my Hysto I began the process of getting my marker changed on my birth certificate. There were forms I could download from the Births, Deaths and Marriages website, which included explicit instructions detailing what evidence I must provide etc.
The “main” thing was the form requiring two independant statutory declerations (legally binding) from two different Medical Doctors which had either administered Hormone Treatment or Surgery pertaining to my gender reassignment.

My chest surgeon was a few hours drive away, and ridiculously expensive for even a consult requiring just a signature. I decided to get my treating GP (of almost 8 years at that stage) to sign one of the stat. dec’s, and my Hysto surgeon the other. It was pretty specific in the fact that they both had to be present and witness each other’s signings, but luckily my GP was super accomodating and met me at the Hysto surgeon’s consult rooms one day after they’d both finished work.

I was super paranoid that B, D & M’s wouldn’t, for whatever reason, accept my paperwork – so I overcompensated by providing official copies (signed by a Justice of the Peace) of every single piece of medical paperwork, psychological reports etc pertaining to my transition to date. I also had to pay a fee somewhere in the vicinity of $60-$100. I can’t remember exactly.

All in all, I certainly went overboard but the turn around time was fairly rapid for a Government organisation, and I had my ammended Birth Certificate in the mail. Previously my old Birth Cert had, on the reverse, a “change of name” declaration, indicating my name had been changed from BIRTH NAME to CURRENT NAME in giant, bold letters. Now, there is no such thing on my Birth Certificate – it says “Male” next to my Sex, and has my current name without mention of previous – which was a welcome relief.

Internal Conflict.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

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I often feel like a hypocrite, or paradoxical at the very
least.

I have been stealth for my entire transition, “deep stealth”
for the last nine years. It’s the way I wanted things to be, because being
transsexual is not my identity and is not who I am.

But recently I’ve begun to yearn for some form of… not
visibility per se, but a safe place where I can speak openly about my history
and the issues that go along with being post-transition.

In a town such as this, where being different could mean
something as small as not conforming to the town’s narrow and outdated idea of
dress codes, it feel suffocating to know that those around me would likely
literally harm me if they were to find out about my history.

I am relived that we are fitting in here so well according
to societal norm, while at the same time frustrated with the lack of open
minded individuals. Not even in relation to outing myself, because I guess that’s
not entirely the crux of the problem – more so just feeling as though I can
relate on a wholly human level without a sense of pretence or distain for those
that may not share my views, whatever they may be.

My issue with out trans guys who say that stealth trans guys do nothing for the trans community

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

theotheropinion:

1) Most of the time it comes from out and loud (opposed to just out) trans guys who have the privilege of being able to safely be out. They lack empathy, so they are unable to fathom why there are other trans guys who can’t be out, and their choice to be stealth usually comes down to them protecting their privacy and safety. 

2) It implies that stealth trans guys do nothing to help other trans guys with their transition, or help with educating cis people. There are stealth trans guys who educated openly before going stealth, or who currently do behind the scenes work without disclosing that they are trans. It’s possible. To assume that stealth = not helping anyone else, is ignorant.

3) It implies that stealth trans men have an obligation to come out and tell everyone around that them they were born the opposite sex. This could put some people in danger, while other trans guys would rather just exist as a male without the “trans” lumped in front of it. That’s alright, please be decent and respect that, and never out these people without their permission. There’s always going to be trans people who are out, so don’t worry about the trans community not progressing. A few stealth trans guys who exist just like a cis male aren’t going to halt progress.

4) It implies you have two options – stealth, or out. In reality you can be somewhere in between, and that is alright too. Many trans people are somewhere in between because it’s not always possible to be 100% stealth or out. 

5) It’s used to guilt stealth trans men into outing themselves, if that has not already been made obvious. What if that stealth trans man lived in a place where he would be beaten up if people he knew found out? Don’t be that person and make a trans person in an already uncomfortable position feel worse.

I just want you to know, that as a just-figuring-shit-out 19 yr old trans guy, your blog has been a literal life saver. I’ve had some rough days and been pretty terrified lately and it’s nice to see someone who is living as more than ‘just trans’, if you get my meaning? It’s reassuring, calming, much more than the #reallivetransadult tag, yeah? thanks for being you

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

This was a lovely message to find in my inbox, thank you.

The entire reason why I began this blog was to let other guys know it can be done, you can transition and just live as male. Not as transmale. Just male.
You can have a Kid, get Married, whatever you want.

As an aside, I’d never heard of the #reallivetransadult tag – that’s an interesting concept.

Thanks again for the kind message.