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We get the keys on the 9th of September.

They originally wanted it to be the 2nd of September- which is actually our 4th wedding anniversary (ohh, it’s a ~sign~) but we needed that few extra days of leeway so I can take some Annual Leave at work and actually physically move our stuff.

I’m still in awe that this is happening.

All K cares about is that we said he can get a cat once we’re in our own place, and he can paint his room any colour he likes. Haha, priorities.

Update.

Long time, no actual update hey?

When time stretches between updates, I feel guilty. Like I owe this blog an explanation. 

Life as a Dad is still going strong – K is turning 12 this month and boy, can we tell! Emotional rollercoaster is an understatement. We’re constantly having big chats, allowing him to become the master of his own actions/reactions while gently steering him toward stronger emotional intelligence. It’s a big thing – especially when on occasion I don’t feel like I have my shit together, emotionally speaking! haha. 

Major dramas with regard to friendship circles, sorting out social hierarchies and navigating hormones alongside the looming High School thing has K on edge a lot. Family time helps, but we’re noticing he’s electing to do “his own thing” a lot more these days. 

My favorite time is when we get up in the mornings, I’ll go and make my Wife and I coffee and by the time I come back, K is usually snuggled in our bed alongside our (rather large) dog and my Wife, happily chatting and snuggling. 
I feel blessed to still have these moments with him, while he still thinks we’re the bee’s knees haha. He’s such an amazing human. 

So yeah, we bought a house. It’s terrifying and exciting all at once and I’m just about frozen with fear. We move in a month and the rental is currently scattered with boxes and cleaning supplies, with a few boxes already sealed up and labelled. My Wife is like a well oiled machine with regard to moving; she’s done it so many times. 

To (almost) have ticked off the entire reason why we moved rurally is mind blowing. Our property backs onto bushland and a creek, and it’s ¼ of an acre of land so enough to have a few chooks and a nice large vegetable patch. Exactly what we were aiming for. 

Just working my ass off to pay for it, and managing my own insecurities/depression/anxiety, whilst trying to be the best Husband and Father I possibly can be. 

Did I tell you all we bought a house?
Signed the contracts last week. We move in early September.

I won’t believe we finally did it until I’m standing in our own house.

TMD’s Prosthetic Review Master Post.

A while back I recieved a question asking me to review the plethora of prosthetics/packers I have used over the years.
I’ll give each a rating out of 10, with 10 being the better end of the spectrum. 

Note: This is a work-in-progress; I can’t sit down and write all of the reviews at once. Thanks for your patience. 



Homemade Condom/Gel Packer:
There’s a first time for everyone, and mine was right here. As far as I’m concerned this still feels much more realistic through underpants than some of the more pricier store-bought packers available. Not too much to say here; doesn’t look realistic, but feels good and you can choose what size you’re comfortable with.
4/10

Novelty Sticky Penis: This was, when I was very young, my first ever “bought” packer. It was sold as a novelty, and the texture and consistency is exactly that of those sticky slapper hands you had as a kid. I had to powder it every time so it wouldn’t stick to my harness, and it was actually bright pink – but it worked and made me happy at the time. I was underage, and did not have any way to order online. This sufficed, but I wouldn’t reccomend it. (Link to what I’m talking about)
3/10

Mr. Limpy: This was the first proper packer I bought. I probably can’t say much more than anyone else has; they’re affordable, pretty realistic and come in a few different sizes. I couldn’t use any but the “Extra Small” version without feeling like I had an uncooked sausage in my pants. Does the job well, and I still use this particular packer if I am going swimming or doing particularly acrobatic activities. It stays where I put it, and it’s too large to look obscene under tight clothing/swimwear. You can easily make homemade STPs out of these, too.
Cons: Lacks the realism some other prosthetics have, can often feel a bit too squishy, needs thorough cleaning and powdering so it doesn’t get sticky.
5/10. 

MAN-GO: This was one of the first STP’s on the market which wasn’t simply a medicine spoon recipticle in a Mr. Limpy. What I really liked about this product was the recepticle; it was much smoother and easier to use than the medicine spoon I had been using prior. The packer itself was just a Mr. Limpy, although I purchased my MAN-GO when they first came out, so I can’t really comment on how they are now (or if they even exist?)
7/10

GV Sailor: This packer is probably the best in terms of realistic feel than most others as the core is a different density than the outer softer skin, giving it a realistic feel and weight. I never really used this packer much however, due to me not being able to find a comfortable way to pack with it. I was used to a smaller packer back then, and I think this was 4″ instead of 3.5″ that I was used to. It’s on par with the Mr. Limpy with regards to realism when looking at the prosthetic, however feel is far far better.
7/10

Peecock Generation 1: This, as it stands, is by far the best prosthetic I have had to date in terms of how it sits in my underpants, how it packs nicely without an obscene bulge and how easy it is for me to urinate with it. I forget I am wearing it. I never have to think about lining anatomy up, or accidentally messing myself. It also works well enough in bed for sexytimes, seeing as it’s a Pack, pee and play.
The cons with this particular product are the severe lack of realism; there aren’t as many little details on this prosthetic as there are on say, Mr. Limpy’s, but the ability for it to work so well in other areas surpasses this inconvenience for me. I also did not want to have a giant prosthetic for packing, so I opted for the smallest they had – which then made it a little too small for bedroom use.
8.5/10

Freetom 4-in-1: This has been thoroughly reviewed both in video and in pictoral format HERE and HERE.
7.5/10

Oh man, thanks for following my blog! You’re a big inspiration to me and I hope to one day have what you have! In every sense of the word! Little K is very a very lucky little dude and your wife sounds like an amazing woman. Your life sounds perfect and I can’t wait to have that!

This is a very lovely sentiment, thank you.

I am the lucky one. I certainly count my blessings.

My life is by far from perfect in every sense of the word, but it’s about as close as one could possibly get.

The Wife and I have spoken recently about the large amount of questions/asks we get about “how” to find love.

It makes both of us really sad that a ton of trans people are under the impression they’ll have to settle for someone who loves them, or that they may never find that in the first place.

No, stop.

You will find someone who is right for you. It may seem stupid, but I honestly believe there is someone (perhaps even multiple people) out there for everyone. It might be more difficult in the beggining because as trans people, we don’t tend to allow ourselves enough room to love our physical apperance without a lot of work and dedication, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

It’s also spurred conversation about how we might be able to take a non-identifying “family photo” of sorts. Perhaps of the back of us, perhaps in a location no where near where we reside. Perhaps it will never happen at all, but there’s been discussion around it.

Today my Wife, K, the Dog and I went for a walk in the bush.

We explored a new place not too far from our house, and it was magical. We were the only ones there, surrounded by dense bushland, lazily strolling along the well worn dirt track.

K rode his bike on the family adventure, and when we entered the bushland he saw it was quite hilly terrain. No problem for his tough BMX, but perhaps for his confidence, my Wife and I thought.

He literally squealed with delight down the first hill, peadaling furiously half way down to gain more momentum.

There’s a lot of amazing moments when you’re a parent. But that squeal of utter exhilarated joy, just gets me every time.

“We have to go back there a lot, please” said little K on the ride/walk home.

this might be a bit of a weird and personal question to ask so i’ll ask off anon in case you’re uncomfortable doing it on anon, but i saw you’re post that youve been on T for ten years. now, my mom is unsupportive constantly trying to say that HRT doesn’t work etcetc but i want to hear how you feel about it. is life treating you well? are you really happy where you are? if you don’t wanna answer it’s fine since this is pretty personal.

Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond, it’s not that I had any reservations with answering these questions – I just wanted to give them the attention they deserved. 

Is life treating me well? Yes. Very much so. In the past 12 months I have really felt like things are finally going how I’d like them to. I graduated, got a great job in my field, moved to the country and have for now at least “finished transitioning”. 

Am I really happy where I am? Yes. Very much so. That’s not to say I don’t battle with depression, anxiety and dysphoria – the former two not particularly related to transition, and have been long-standing conditions I’ve had to deal with since very early in life. Transition is a battle, and by no means easy – but I always reflect on the choice I made initially. That is, it was not a question of “if” I should begin HRT, but if I should continue to live. It really was that black and white, and I felt I had nothing to lose by going on Testosterone. 

I never thought I could be this happy, really. I have an absolutely amazing little family – again something I never thought I’d have. A Wife, a Son. We’re working towards buying our first home and although it may take a while – we actually have money in a designated savings account. I wake up each day knowing I am absolutely blessed, and cannot believe my gorgeous family would choose little ol’ me. 

(1) Hey, thanks for answering yesterday. I understand how STP factors into the equation; I use one too and have been on T for well over a year now. I have also been with the same woman for five years. That’s why I would have expected my bottom dysphoria to wane much in the way that yours has, and to a degree, it has. But, there are a multitude of things that cannot be satisfactorily approximated without surgery; urinating while standing being the one I chose to mention yesterday. I just can’t…

(2) force myself not to think about how “it’s not the same.” That’s the thought that always goes through my head with almost everything that has to even do with down there or anything that I might do to cope with the fact that there something wrong there (using STPs, packers, etc; even just getting ready in the mornings with those things), “It’s not the same; you’re not the same.” That’s all I can seem to think, even when I actively think that I’m pretty much the same as any other guy except…

(3) for the defect with which I was born (and I really do think that), I can’t ignore the fact that I was born different; that that has an effect, and that that effect is not a major thing to the identity of a human being as male. I can’t shirk the knowledge that no matter what I do or what surgeries I have; I will never be the same as a cis male, and that there are millions of things that they experience that I never will. and furthermore, that there are things that I experience that a…

(4) cis male never has and never will. Sorry that was so long. Also, you answer seemed to assume that I am newly trans or new to this realization; that is not the case. I consider you a resource as being at a place in your transition to which I hope to get in mine; I was hoping you would have some insight as to how you got there.

Hey. Thanks for messaging me again.

I don’t know what to say other than the fact that my bottom dysphoria has not waned, in any way – I am just more readily able to distract myself from it and have found ways which I can escape the dysphoric cycle with regards to packing. I sleep with it, I shower with it, it really never leaves me. My own Father hasn’t got a “properly” functioning penis, and he’s spoken to my Wife about how he reconciles that. I figure if he’s able to do so, maybe I could too. So I began working on ways to lessen my dysphoria.

No, you will never be a cis male. And I commiserate with your disappointment/resentment surrounding that issue, but it’s unfortunately something that we have to grapple with due to our conditions.

I’m not entirely sure how I sounded as though I was assuming you were newly transitioned? I don’t understand how you could have taken my answer that way. I was sharing with you the ways in which I lessen my own lower dysphoria.

I can’t outline any way in which I’ve managed to reach a point where I don’t think about my transness anymore. There isn’t “one thing” that I’ve done, but a series of things after some heavy self reflection.

I do believe being so busy has a lot to do with it; I am around cis males for the majority of my working days (very hetero-centric, bigoted ones mind you) and when I am at home I am constantly on the go; looking after my Son and doing chores. The only times I sit down are right before I go to sleep, and then I’m usually on my phone looking at tumblr.

One thing I did was (other than this, separate blog) unfollowed ALL trans-related blogs on my personal tumblr. I found I’d be triggered by seeing all those relatable dysphoria riddled posts, and simply omitting them from my life worked quite well.