Tag: ftmfather

Update.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I promised an update a while back, then promptly never got around to writing it. It’s been so long and there’s so much to say that I often attempt to begin only to find myself pretty overwhelmed with the task. 

I’ll do my best, even if it’s only short.

K turns 13 this weekend. It’s ridiculous that I can even say that – thirteen. He’s grown so much, entered High School (!) and is loving having more independence. Due to our rural locale, he has to get up early and catch the bus to his school – then in reverse. This see’s him have longer hours than a lot of 9-5ers, and at first we were concerned about how this would impact him. 

To his credit, he’s taken things in his stride. He adores his campus and his teachers, and his last school report is the best one we’ve ever had yet. It’s such a lovely change to see him enjoy school for the first time since we moved here. 

I taught him how to shave recently, too. We got his school photos back about 4 weeks after they were taken, and in the photo his moustache was significant and noticable! His school is fairly strict on a no-facial-hair policy, and on a whim I decided to teach him how to wet shave. I’m a bit proponent of old school style wet shaving with a badger hair brush, shave soap and a double edged razor. Needless to say, kiddo got a bic and used my brush and soap. He only had to shave his moustache, and he missed the edges so I had to help get those. 
I’m not going to lie, it was quite emotional. My Wife snapped a photo of the process and I will cherish that. 

What else? He’s begun singling me out to ask more questions relating to men, as opposed to his Mum. That’s new, because he’s always been a Mumma’s boy. This is apparently a developmental milestone in kid’s teenage years. 

All in all, K is such a wonderful human being and I am so thankful for the privilege to be his Father. 

Re the post on your son K favoring you for some authority on things at the moment (which is I think wonderful in its own way) : I’m not sure if you’ve said before: is he aware of anything to do with you being trans? I’m wondering if you’d broached the idea with him before and that doesn’t affect how qualified you are for him to come to with even “guy’s stuff”. As a trans man, in times that I think about parenting, I wonder what I would tell my kids and how that would affect our relationship.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

K knows I am trans – FAQ here – but he completely forgets and doesn’t know my junk is any different to a cis dudes. It doesn’t affect our relationship at all because he honestly needs to be reminded on occasion when it’s popped up again. 

But that doesn’t affect how I feel with regards to being “qualified” – he still exclusively comes to me for penis related things and puberty related things, which has been happening far more frequently as of late, and I guess those are the exact kind of things I don’t particularly feel qualified to answer, so to speak. Despite me knowing the answers to all of his questions. 

Regardless, it’s those situations which reaffirm to me that he literally forgets my junk is not exactly like his. Questions like “Dad, how do you handle random boners?” have been popping up frequently, and I guess explaining how to do the gentleman’s tuck to your kid feels kinda shitty when you’ve never actually needed to do it yourself. 

Boy’s business.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

K has officially entered the stage of favoring me over his Mother for things. It’s interesting to me because I am the “strict” parent, whereas my Wife is the “easy going” parent – she’s the fun one and I am the rules guy. 

K’s always been a Mumma’s boy, not to say he doesn’t love hanging out with me or whatever but his personality and my Wife’s personality are so damn similar. Even in looks he’s like a mini, male version of my Wife. 

Regardless, now it’s “No, I need to talk to Dad about this” or “Hey Dad, come here!” – whereas before it would have been either of us, or his Mother. Now when my Wife responds, he occasionally specifies that it’s a Dad-related thing. 

This is actually adorable, but to be honest has me feeling like I’m less qualified than ever before. Hah. I guess despite having raised this kiddo since he was 11 months old, I can’t ever shake that feeling that there’s just a bunch of male related shit that I am probably not the best authority on. 
And logically speaking I know that’s just my own personal insecurities, but there you have it. 

Anyway – we get the keys for our house this Friday. It’s all we are thinking about – dreaming about, talking about. We did the final inspection yesterday, and when we pulled into the driveway my Wife looked at me and said “Welcome Home!”… I’m not the most emotional man ever but I definitely almost cried. 

I’m super excited to spend some quality Father/Son time with K painting his room whatever colour he chooses, getting him to help me with all of the million DIY things I have planned. My Father is coming to help fix a leak in our laundry and install a new toilet (he’s was a plumber before he retired) and I plan to have K help, even if it’s just passing tools. That’s the kind of shit I fondly reflect on with my father, being knee deep in a trench “helping” (although upon reflection he was just entertaining me… I was likely hindering!). 

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I haven’t had a new prosthesis for the longest time, but I’ve had the best luck with Peecock’s (and still use one daily, but it’s…erm… falling apart). 

Can anyone give me a review of the more recent generations? I’m mostly interested in terms of packing and pissing function, with aesthetic being secondary to those things. 

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Alright, 

I toyed with the idea of turning off anon asks because of the spam/hate I’ve been logging in to lately, but it completely takes away from the entire ability for those who wish not to be identified asking questions to have a safe space which they feel they can. 

So I’m going to leave it open, and just deal with the repercussions if any. 

K turned 12 this weekend and ever since, he’s had some kind of magic sass about him that is hysterical. He has decided that 12 is the magic “grown up” number, so now he’s actually 12 going on 21. 
He had a great birthday and elected to have an entire day just doing family things with the three of us- we took him 10 pin bowling, had a decadent lunch overlooking the river and went to a special lolly shop (candy store) and EB Games. My Son is a huge self professed geek, and is totally gaming obsessed. 
After a brief afternoon intermission my Wife and I took him out to his favourite chinese restaurant for his favourite dish; sweet and sour battered pork. He even got a fizzy drink with his meal, which in our house is an extra special treat.  

We all had a blast, and it was a much needed respite from the insane work schedule my Wife and I have been keeping, alongside all our “downtime” being used for packing, cleaning and organising things for the move – which just so happens to be TOO DAMN SOON! Haha. We’re freaking out a little bit, but once we’ve got all our shit at the new place I’ll feel a lot better. I have this thing where I must leave a rental in better condition than when we moved in, so I’ll have to do a good deep clean inside and out after everything has been moved out. 

My best mate is coming to help us clean and stuff in a few weeks, and I’m really looking forward to having him here.

Thanks for all the questions. I hope I do them justice with my answers. 

🏡

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

We get the keys on the 9th of September.

They originally wanted it to be the 2nd of September- which is actually our 4th wedding anniversary (ohh, it’s a ~sign~) but we needed that few extra days of leeway so I can take some Annual Leave at work and actually physically move our stuff.

I’m still in awe that this is happening.

All K cares about is that we said he can get a cat once we’re in our own place, and he can paint his room any colour he likes. Haha, priorities.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

K was up the entire night vomiting with a pretty bad stomach bug.
Wifey is taking the day off work to care for him/take him to the Dr and I’m downing a million coffees before I head off to work.

Kiddo is pretty lucky that at almost 12 this is the worst illness he’s had – he can’t recall having a stomach bug before. On the downside it also meant he was absolutely seriously convinced he was dying – poor thing!

Parenting hey?

Update.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Long time, no actual update hey?

When time stretches between updates, I feel guilty. Like I owe this blog an explanation. 

Life as a Dad is still going strong – K is turning 12 this month and boy, can we tell! Emotional rollercoaster is an understatement. We’re constantly having big chats, allowing him to become the master of his own actions/reactions while gently steering him toward stronger emotional intelligence. It’s a big thing – especially when on occasion I don’t feel like I have my shit together, emotionally speaking! haha. 

Major dramas with regard to friendship circles, sorting out social hierarchies and navigating hormones alongside the looming High School thing has K on edge a lot. Family time helps, but we’re noticing he’s electing to do “his own thing” a lot more these days. 

My favorite time is when we get up in the mornings, I’ll go and make my Wife and I coffee and by the time I come back, K is usually snuggled in our bed alongside our (rather large) dog and my Wife, happily chatting and snuggling. 
I feel blessed to still have these moments with him, while he still thinks we’re the bee’s knees haha. He’s such an amazing human. 

So yeah, we bought a house. It’s terrifying and exciting all at once and I’m just about frozen with fear. We move in a month and the rental is currently scattered with boxes and cleaning supplies, with a few boxes already sealed up and labelled. My Wife is like a well oiled machine with regard to moving; she’s done it so many times. 

To (almost) have ticked off the entire reason why we moved rurally is mind blowing. Our property backs onto bushland and a creek, and it’s ¼ of an acre of land so enough to have a few chooks and a nice large vegetable patch. Exactly what we were aiming for. 

Just working my ass off to pay for it, and managing my own insecurities/depression/anxiety, whilst trying to be the best Husband and Father I possibly can be. 

I have a question. I’m not sure if you’ve answered this before. I was wondering what made you decide to go stealth? I’ve been thinking a lot lately about it myself. In a year I leave home and go off to college probably out of state. I will have the surgeries and my name is already changed with the records sealed as well as my gender marker in the process. I just want to be “normal” and safe. I have the ability of going stealth but I don’t know if I can leave all this behind as well.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Hey, 

I’ve answered this a little bit before here  but to expand:

I am stealth because my trans status doesn’t relate to anything else in my life besides from my medical history/treatment. If it comes up with regard to those things; I’ll disclose. But for the most part (read, everywhere else) I am stealth. 
I’m just a regular guy who happens to have trans history. 

Thanks for your blog. I’m sure by now you’ve been offline for awhile, but going through your blog and FAQ really helped me think some stuff through about my future. The kind of information you’ve provided is simply invaluable. Thanks for putting up with ignorant people.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Hey there, 

I’m not offline – just working tons and hardly check this place because I tend to come back to a barrage of hostility, and I just don’t need that in my life most times. 

It’s messages like this though that keep me wanting to log back in, so thank you.