Early thirties post-transition stealth Father and Husband
Hey there,
To be frank I’d avoid the freetom. It was just too large to do anything besides fuck with, for me anyway. Having a giant sausage in your pants becomes awkward and convenient for packing purposes.
But I found that using tight briefs gave me the best chances of actually being able to pack with it 🙂
Did I tell you all we bought a house?
Signed the contracts last week. We move in early September.
I won’t believe we finally did it until I’m standing in our own house.
Also just briefly; y’all are going to make me solve that cryptic-selfie issue sooner than anticipated. Thanks for the follows, hope I can make it worth your while.
Long time no write.
I’ve had two days off in a row (half way through the second one as I type) and it’s been fairly hectic. I haven’t felt as though the opportunity to rest has presented itself.
Christmas is becoming alarmingly imminent, and with my days filled with excruciating 4am (4:30am at best) starts – I’d almost forgotten about Christmas entirely. It’s been Work, Home, Eat, Kid, Sleep, Repeat.
Christmas is the absolute most magical time of year to have Children around. K is really amping up and it’s lovely to witness. I feel jealous of that “free” feeling when (in Australia, anyway) the school year is winding to a halt and the last few days of school are filled with scorching hot days, class parties and icy-poles.
I shouldn’t tout; I get three days off over Christmas (because I put in for them). Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day. We are traveling to and from another State to be with my Parents on Eve and Boxing Day – a lot of travel for a very short visit.
I’ve always had at least a week off over the Christmas period; often up to three weeks at a time. It doesn’t help that my Wife gets three whole weeks off with our Son before she has to go back to work in the New Year, and he back to school some weeks later.
I am greatful that this job has allowed me to indulge my family and friends with nicer gifts than I otherwise would have been able to aquire this Holiday season. It’s relieving not having to “rob Peter to pay Paul” as my Father would say – to put off paying bills or debts or this and that in order to create the Christmas we feel our Son deserves.
We are by no means where we want to be, financially speaking. But if I keep this up for a half dozen months I can get a loan for a house on my wage alone. Let alone combined with my Wife’s income.
And – get this – the mortage repayments per week will be less than we were paying for a week’s rent when living in the city.
I’ll have it paid off in under ten years.
Long time no write, I’ve been ridiculously busy and for that I apologize.
I have two assessments left to complete in order to graduate, and there is 15 days until my Wife makes the journey to this town in order to pick me up and take me home.
I can’t really articulate how I am feeling about it all, because my emotions are so varied. I am beyond excited at finally, after almost three months – reuniting with my family on a permanent basis. I am excited to get work, begin life. Finish this chapter.
In the same instance I feel myself being somewhat saddened by the actuality of leaving this town. More so – the actuality of leaving my pseudo-family. These guys have carried me during some tough times, allowed me into their home without exception. Mostly, they’ve given me experiences I thought I would never have had the opportunity to experience given that I am married with a child.
I basically got to experience share house living, as though I were a batchelor. It’s been an eye opener and very rewarding. What a learning curve. So affirming.
The boys are all pretty shocked that the three months has gone by so rapidly; and the house feels a bit melancholy because of it. I plan to cherish the moments I have remaining with these three guys.
K is doing very well at his new school – the standardized testing results for all children in his year level nationally came back recently, and he is almost an entire band above average in everything. I am very proud.
My Wife is finally getting to do some real work with her job; after a couple of months building rapport with the local community and setting up a new office in the town. She rings me with excitement for debriefs, just like when we were living together in the city. It makes me happy.
The small town has mere spatterings of jobs, but due to the low population; everyone knows each other. As a result my Wife has been speaking of my imminent graduation, and has been encouraged to tell me to apply at several places that are desperate for someone with qualifications such as mine. To be able to use my arts degree in a rural backwoods town is more than a shock, to say the least. I was planning on falling back on hard labor and/or working with my Brother-In-Law with his company as an apprentice.
Today I will complete a take home examination, and then there will be one assessment remaining between graduation and I.
I’m sorry I haven’t been as active on here as I could have been of late…
(TL;DR)
Writing here reminds me just how much I miss my Wife and K.
It seems to only be getting more difficult as the days pass, missing my family.
It’s mere days until K’s 9th Birthday, and although my Wife and I picked out and purchased gifts a while back (we love to be organized), I wanted to get a little extra something to send from me.
I got him a massive poster from one of his favorite video games; his new room is the largest in the house and his three framed Star Wars prints apparently felt inconspicuous.
Anyway, I posted that off to him yesterday. When I arrived home from University I saw a letter had arrived and I knew right away from the handwriting that it was from my Wife.
I swore, knowing this would likely make me melancholy at best and sat down to read it.
She wrote amazingly beautiful and supportive things, sprayed her perfume on the card (I…no words. I died) and even put on lipstick and kissed the paper….this from a Woman who usually detests makeup.
I inhaled her perfume deeply, became suddenly frightened that the scent would leave the paper and quickly slid the whole thing back into the envelope.
I had a difficult time after that…I went through a range of emotions which ultimately culminated in anger – there was nothing I could do to help K, who’s been having some trouble settling in at school, my Wife – who is feeling overwhelmed with unpacking an entire house, looking after K by herself and starting a new career to boot.
I feel like a failure for my absence. I’m three weeks deep into this semester and I am trying with all my might to get shit done.
I’ve knocked off a few assignments, which is far more organized than the entirety of people I attend classes with.
Anyway, as a result of the letter and my anger I decided to do what any rational human being would do under similar circumstances; get drunk. I have the day off Uni today and had planned out obligations (assignments and homework) so that I could easily complete them later in the day.
So, intoxicated I got. And it was a welcome distraction, if only for a few hours until I blearily stumbled into my bed.
I woke early, at 7am and felt a little sleep-deprived but not entirely out of sorts, so I decided to begin my day then. I had an appointment at 1pm and took my early start as an opportunity to do the assignments and homework I had on my “to do” list for the day.
I also scrubbed the ever-loving-shit out of the kitchen in it’s entirety, and now I’m taking a break before getting my teeth stuck into another assignment.
I feel like I’m accomplishing a lot, but failing at what’s most important; being a Father and Husband.
I ache for them.
So yesterday I went to a local support group for older trans men.
I was really fucking nervous, changed like five times and put too much cologne on. Didn’t cut my head when shaving though, so bonus.
My friend who runs it came and picked me up, he’s in his mid 60’s and only transitioned about 4 years ago. Good dude, heaps odd though because he’s like a teenage boy in the body of an old man with a beard. hah.
Arrived and no one else was there, so my friend W who runs the group shouted me a beer and we grabbed a table away from the one or two other patrons in the bar. Within minutes two other guys arrived; J1 and J2. They were much older than me, although they didn’t look it because neither had begun T yet. After another short while a final guy came, V. He was maybe 5 years older than myself and beaming because he’d just gone on a first date. We all playfully ribbed him about it and ordered more beers.
There wasn’t much trans talk at all, which was awesome. We mentioned the one psych in our town who is able to help guys get their T letters, and how horrible he is with confidentiality, but that we’ve all seen him out of necessity. I spoke a bit about my balding and how long it took to get as bald as I am now. There was also some talk about underpants which are very cheap and also happen to have an inbuilt packer pouch.
Other than that it was; Relationships, Girlfriends/Wives, Football, Work, Me Moving.
It was really validating for me to be around a bunch of blokes that were just…blokes. Just happened to be trans too. And what’s more is that there’s a few of the older dudes who just can’t medically transition due to medical issues, work issues, family issues etc. The only time they get to be called their real names and “he” is in this fortnightly group. I could see the appreciation on some of the guy’s faces when we referred to each other. Something so simple can be someone’s life line.
All in all, 10/10 would recommend. Will go again.
I didn’t carry or donate any genetic material to my Son, who is technically my Step-Son.
The only way that I am aware of accomplishing this is to have your eggs frozen and stored, and have your girlfriend carry those fertilized eggs insider her as a surrogate. Once again, I am not a medical professional so your best option is to speak to someone who is.
As far as I am aware, you should most likely look into freezing your eggs prior to Testosterone, so as to have the maximum potential success for any future usage of them.
Get a wedding invite from friends in the mail: explicitly mentions children are not welcome at the reception but are welcome at the ceremony. Both reception and ceremony are being held at the same damn place – do people not realise how challenging it is to be a parent when things like this happen?!
We will have to pay for a baby sitter, and drive K to/from ceremony before we can attend the reception. Bit inconsiderate.
Thank you for your kind words, they are very much appreciated.
I figure if I can get one dude to see that the future doesn’t have to be so bleak, then all of this over-sharing is worth it!
Again, thank you.
transmandad 