I’ve been meaning to write about this for quite some time, but haven’t felt I had enough time to give it the attention it deserves.

Some weeks back, whilst visiting my parents in another state – my Wife and Father had a frank, honest discussion with each other.

Some background information: my Dad is disabled, due to a work car accident when I was only six years old. As a result, he’s semi-paralyzed from the waist down and was told he’d never be able to walk again. He cannot feel his legs and feet, amoung other things. He’s taught himself how to walk because he is a stubborn bastard, haha.

Anyway – my Wife was attempting to explain why I feel like I want lower surgery, and the barrier to that surgery for me. Dad could not understand why having a penis was so important to me – he kept saying “But, the penis doesn’t make a man! – he’s more of a man than half the guys with dicks…”

My Wife tried, several ways, to get him to understand that I know a penis isn’t integral to being male, but for me it’s important.

He said something to her which I haven’t been able to forget. He said “Look, if I kept thinking the way he does – that I need to have a functioning ‘normal’ penis in order to be a man – I’d have killed myself years ago. Mine doesn’t work. Nothing. Nadda. Nobodies home. Probably a bit too much information, but you get what I mean.”

Dad has a bit of trouble speaking to me about these types of personal things. It’s not been a usual occurance in his culture and family to have men speak to each other so honestly about such deep topics, so I wasn’t actually there for the conversation.

My Wife told my Father that he needed to tell me that. All of it. And whilst he agreed; it has yet to happen.

I keep thinking about the conversation they had and feeling bad. Because here’s my own Father – the strongest man I know. The most amazing Father and Husband and Brother and Son. And he feels like I do. Or has. Whatever. And here I am – able-bodied, healthy. Not disabled. And I have the nerve to whinge about not having a cock?

I guess this is why I never wrote about this previously, simply because I don’t know what else to say other than this particular conversation has had me thinking for several weeks.