Posts about lack of dysphoria recently and ways I have avoided it >> becomes severely dysphoric the week after said post.
Karma’s a bitch.
Tag: ftm
(1) Hey, thanks for answering yesterday. I understand how STP factors into the equation; I use one too and have been on T for well over a year now. I have also been with the same woman for five years. That’s why I would have expected my bottom dysphoria to wane much in the way that yours has, and to a degree, it has. But, there are a multitude of things that cannot be satisfactorily approximated without surgery; urinating while standing being the one I chose to mention yesterday. I just can’t…
(2) force myself not to think about how “it’s not the same.” That’s the thought that always goes through my head with almost everything that has to even do with down there or anything that I might do to cope with the fact that there something wrong there (using STPs, packers, etc; even just getting ready in the mornings with those things), “It’s not the same; you’re not the same.” That’s all I can seem to think, even when I actively think that I’m pretty much the same as any other guy except…
(3) for the defect with which I was born (and I really do think that), I can’t ignore the fact that I was born different; that that has an effect, and that that effect is not a major thing to the identity of a human being as male. I can’t shirk the knowledge that no matter what I do or what surgeries I have; I will never be the same as a cis male, and that there are millions of things that they experience that I never will. and furthermore, that there are things that I experience that a…
(4) cis male never has and never will. Sorry that was so long. Also, you answer seemed to assume that I am newly trans or new to this realization; that is not the case. I consider you a resource as being at a place in your transition to which I hope to get in mine; I was hoping you would have some insight as to how you got there.
Hey. Thanks for messaging me again.
I don’t know what to say other than the fact that my bottom dysphoria has not waned, in any way – I am just more readily able to distract myself from it and have found ways which I can escape the dysphoric cycle with regards to packing. I sleep with it, I shower with it, it really never leaves me. My own Father hasn’t got a “properly” functioning penis, and he’s spoken to my Wife about how he reconciles that. I figure if he’s able to do so, maybe I could too. So I began working on ways to lessen my dysphoria.
No, you will never be a cis male. And I commiserate with your disappointment/resentment surrounding that issue, but it’s unfortunately something that we have to grapple with due to our conditions.
I’m not entirely sure how I sounded as though I was assuming you were newly transitioned? I don’t understand how you could have taken my answer that way. I was sharing with you the ways in which I lessen my own lower dysphoria.
I can’t outline any way in which I’ve managed to reach a point where I don’t think about my transness anymore. There isn’t “one thing” that I’ve done, but a series of things after some heavy self reflection.
I do believe being so busy has a lot to do with it; I am around cis males for the majority of my working days (very hetero-centric, bigoted ones mind you) and when I am at home I am constantly on the go; looking after my Son and doing chores. The only times I sit down are right before I go to sleep, and then I’m usually on my phone looking at tumblr.
One thing I did was (other than this, separate blog) unfollowed ALL trans-related blogs on my personal tumblr. I found I’d be triggered by seeing all those relatable dysphoria riddled posts, and simply omitting them from my life worked quite well.
What STP do you use that you don’t have to readjust before peeing? I’ve been looking for something like that..
I mentioned it in my answer to that comment, it’s a Peecock (specifically Gen 1, but Gen 2 looks much improved).
It just sits in my underpants and isn’t gross because it’s made of silicone. When I need to piss, I just whip it out.
Official Trailer for Australian Movie “52 Tuesdays”.
Powerful.
I don’t have to think about it each time I use the bathroom because I use an STP (peecock) for which I do not have to touch my natal anatomy. I pull out my dick and pee.
It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even actually remember that cis males don’t have to do the thing that I do when I use the bathroom (use an STP).
I honestly just don’t even remember that I don’t have the “right” junk downstairs unless I’m showering or washing my STP. It does then give me a fair amount of dysphoria, I will admit, but it’s no where near the “reminding me every single second” that I used to suffer through.
Now I suffer what I call bouts of dysphoria, and in general actually forget that I am not a cis male.
Whereas previously I would remember about every ten seconds and be in somewhat of a constant dysphoric flux.
Edited to add more:
Alongside this; I have been with my (now) Wife for almost ten years; when we are intimate there is no disconnect between my body and my mind, because of the way she interacts with it. This relieves/lessens some dysphoria, I feel.
I have just completed gender therapy and am about to begin my testosterone treatments. Can you share your experiences with just starting hormone therapy? What can I expect in the near future?
To be brutally honest I don’t remember all the nuances and important details of starting HRT, but I’d hope very much that if you’re undergoing that process your treating Doctor would have informed you exactly of what to expect, and a brief timeline of such events.
Basically: dick growth, sensitivity, hair growth, voice breaking, pimples, sweat, hungry, horny. You’re going to go through puberty, man. And all that comes along with it.
Happens at different stages for different folks, as hormones react individually with your body as opposed to someone else’s.
There is life after transition.
I wanted to post about something, to make something abundantly clear:
I don’t even remember I am trans/think about it in daily life.
There are some exceptions to that rule; dysphoric bouts, family bringing it up, self doubt, anxiety and depression. But for the most part – I live carefree, knowing I am 100% male in everything I do.
I don’t think about my past. It’s just that – the past. Sometimes people have history they’d rather not remember or speak about. And that’s how I view mine.
Have hope, there is life after transition. And it’s beautiful.
My wife and I are currently ttc and non disclosure was an easy decision for us. To you and other parents: If you were able to decide on disclosing or not, would you have? If you chose to do so, what would be your reasoning for it? Going to the Dr regularly or seeing a plastic surgeon is not uncommon today. Do you feel like it has some special relevance to being a parent or a person in general? I fail to see how feeling like a man and living as one means you have a secret that needs to be told.
I agree wholeheartedly;
there is no “secret” to be told. At all. Disclosure – especially to your children – is a very personal thing. If I had the choice over; I probably would still choose to disclose. My own Son was very, very confused about his own body in relation to my own – among many other reasons.
I feel as though me being trans has absolutely nothing to do with how I raise (or would raise) children, nor does it hold any baring on how I am as a human being in general.
I apologize if I didn’t answer your question properly.
Yes, I would choose to disclose if I had the option. I can’t quite articulate why I feel that way, though, and I know before my status was disclosed to him I was adamant he’d never know until he was older, if at any time.
It’s had no reflection on how he treats me. He still refers to his conception as though I was involved – “When your sperm met Mum’s egg and I was created….” and we don’t correct him. He knows what’s up.
Any other parents want to weigh in?
Is your son aware of your transition? If so, why did you tell him?
Hey, this has been answered anecdotally throughout the blog, but the first two links on my FAQ page (located here) will also provide an answer,
Long story short: I didn’t, he found out and I was planning on telling him anyway.
transmandad 