Tag: ftm transition

Internal Conflict.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

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I often feel like a hypocrite, or paradoxical at the very
least.

I have been stealth for my entire transition, “deep stealth”
for the last nine years. It’s the way I wanted things to be, because being
transsexual is not my identity and is not who I am.

But recently I’ve begun to yearn for some form of… not
visibility per se, but a safe place where I can speak openly about my history
and the issues that go along with being post-transition.

In a town such as this, where being different could mean
something as small as not conforming to the town’s narrow and outdated idea of
dress codes, it feel suffocating to know that those around me would likely
literally harm me if they were to find out about my history.

I am relived that we are fitting in here so well according
to societal norm, while at the same time frustrated with the lack of open
minded individuals. Not even in relation to outing myself, because I guess that’s
not entirely the crux of the problem – more so just feeling as though I can
relate on a wholly human level without a sense of pretence or distain for those
that may not share my views, whatever they may be.

Finally.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Success in editing the video. The quality is sub-par, and to be honest I became exceptionally frustrated so it’s not as good as I’d have hoped, but it’s complete and edited.

I am now just waiting on my Wife to watch it a few times to make sure my anonymity is secure and the precautions I took are enough. Call me paranoid, because I am. I enjoy being stealth.

I kind of feel like the video is null and void seeing as it covers a lot of my initial written review, alongside it being my hands moving a prosthetic around in front of a camera for nine minutes while talking – thats kind of odd.

Regardless, if it passes the Wife-test, it’ll be uploaded to youtube and then posted  here.

How tall are you? Did you find when going on T that your confidence with height, weight etc. had increased?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I am particularly short – around 5’3” approximately. I began T at the earliest legal age I could here which is 18. I had unfortunately ceased growing by that point – height wise. My feet grew perhaps half a size, and I actually lost a lot of weight that I didn’t realize I had. I am “slimmer” now than I was before, but I weigh the exact same.

In terms of confidence; I do have a complex about my height, but it tends to not bother any one else but myself.

Was there ever a time in your life when you were fervently against having kids? As in, Did Not Want? Or did you always want kids, or were you ambivalent or not sure? Did your attitude towards having kids change at any point and why?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

There was certainly a time in my life where I was completely sure I would never have children, nor did I ever think I would want to be a Father.

I grew up stating adamantly that I would never have children, much to my parent’s disgust.

This all changed when I fell in love with my now Wife. When we met, I literally fell for her upon first gaze. At first, neither of us saw what we had as a lasting thing. Three days into knowing her, and having spent every waking hour with her since meeting she told me about K – who was 11 months old at the time and staying with his Grandmother as Wife was on holidays.

I was terrified of meeting K. I walked into the lounge room and saw his gorgeous blue eyes and blonde hair, and knew in that second this was my home. My Wife was my soul mate.

Within minutes, my Wife remarked that K must have soiled his nappy (diaper). Without hesitation I stood up, asked where the wipes and new nappies were and changed my first nappy.
My Wife was taken aback, to say the least. I’d never changed a kid’s nappy before, but seen it done countless times. I’m not scared of a little bit of poo – haha.

And that was it. It just… it was right. I cannot explain how I just “knew” that this was it, this is my family and this is forever. Almost ten years later, over one year married – I still maintain meeting K was the best damn decision I’ve ever made in my life.

[Edited to remove some unneeded, personal information]

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

So, in-between being a Father and Husband again, before I become employed full-time – I’ll have a few spare hours each day to answer any questions.

If you’ve been wanting to ask things, now is the time they are far more likely to get answered promptly.

Ask here. As always, anonymous is enabled.

Scar Care Many Years Post-Op.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

This is something I have wanted to address for a little while now, but not had the time to do so properly.

image

When I first had chest surgery I was reluctant to treat my scars for the first few months. After that I attempted to use various scar treatments in order to lessen the red coloring and slightly raised nature of my scars. This didn’t have much of a visible effect due to my inconsistency; I found massaging my scars triggering in a horrible way. I also had very prominent stretch marks on my chest due to years of horrible binding methods.

I left my scars alone for many years, allowing my chest hair to cover them. I still was not comfortable revealing my chest in public, despite my chest being very well healed and the scars no where near as visible as many other guy’s chests.

Fast forward to last week when I was cleaning out the bathroom cupboard and came across a bottle of Bio-Oil I had purchased a while back to apply on my scars. I was unsure if too much time had passed for any scar treatment to be remotely useful – but it was worth a shot because I had scar care readily avaliable.
I shaved my chest in the shower (I fucking hate chest stubble! Ew!) and once dried, massaged my scars and stretch marks for approximately five minutes each side. I’ve done this for almost a week daily now, and I could not believe the results after a few applications.

I really feel it’s the massage coupled with the Bio-Oil which is working; the massage being the most effective part of the duo. I feel it increases circulation into the scar tissue, allowing the scars to become much more representative of sourrounding skin tone.
I noticed that not only did my scars fade to almost nothing in terms of coloration, but that my massaging seemed to flatten out the slightly small areas where I had almost pimple-sized bumps from stitches healing. The ends of my incisions were slightly raised (approximately 1-2mm above the surface of the rest of my skin) and this has made them lessen dramatically also.

I guess the purpose of this post was to inform men who have had surgery quite a while back to not give up on scar treatment. It may still work. In fact, I now have somewhat of a renewed confidance that eventually, with massage and scar treatment I can get my scars to a level which I will find acceptable to become shirtless in public.