Tag: ftm parent

Boy’s business.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

K has officially entered the stage of favoring me over his Mother for things. It’s interesting to me because I am the “strict” parent, whereas my Wife is the “easy going” parent – she’s the fun one and I am the rules guy. 

K’s always been a Mumma’s boy, not to say he doesn’t love hanging out with me or whatever but his personality and my Wife’s personality are so damn similar. Even in looks he’s like a mini, male version of my Wife. 

Regardless, now it’s “No, I need to talk to Dad about this” or “Hey Dad, come here!” – whereas before it would have been either of us, or his Mother. Now when my Wife responds, he occasionally specifies that it’s a Dad-related thing. 

This is actually adorable, but to be honest has me feeling like I’m less qualified than ever before. Hah. I guess despite having raised this kiddo since he was 11 months old, I can’t ever shake that feeling that there’s just a bunch of male related shit that I am probably not the best authority on. 
And logically speaking I know that’s just my own personal insecurities, but there you have it. 

Anyway – we get the keys for our house this Friday. It’s all we are thinking about – dreaming about, talking about. We did the final inspection yesterday, and when we pulled into the driveway my Wife looked at me and said “Welcome Home!”… I’m not the most emotional man ever but I definitely almost cried. 

I’m super excited to spend some quality Father/Son time with K painting his room whatever colour he chooses, getting him to help me with all of the million DIY things I have planned. My Father is coming to help fix a leak in our laundry and install a new toilet (he’s was a plumber before he retired) and I plan to have K help, even if it’s just passing tools. That’s the kind of shit I fondly reflect on with my father, being knee deep in a trench “helping” (although upon reflection he was just entertaining me… I was likely hindering!). 

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

We totally went to K’s high school induction last week. We figured it would be us all sitting in an auditorium with a plethora of other parents and potential students, listening to some kind of presentation.

Well – that was what my Wife and I did.
But upon arrival, we were told “students go this way, parents the other and you’ll meet up for the tour at the end”. Cue panicked looks between my Wife and I, and a very meek K being led away by a year 7 student.
We entered this grand old ornate hall (this place looks like fucking Hogwarts) and got delivered an informative and lengthy presentation.

By the end of it, I was eager to see where K was and if he was freaking out. Our tour group met up with our kids and I saw he was grinning from ear to ear, sitting with three other boys. He’d obviously made friends. He didn’t even stay near us for the tour, electing instead to forge ahead with his newfound mates.

In one hour, this place had taken my quite shy little boy and turned him into a little adult! We were impressed. K was beside himself with excitement about the facilities.

We submitted the application today, and interviews begin next week.
Please cross your fingers he gets in.

Schools around here are absolutely abhorrent, to the point where graduates can’t even read. I don’t want that for my kid. He needs this opportunity.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

We’re going to K’s high school induction next week. He’s still in primary school currently, but applications start this year and the induction is compulsory.
It’s freaking us all out, I think!

Schools around here are lacking, to put it mildly. We’ve been researching for years and have settled on a private school out of area, which is interesting as both my Wife and I were educated publicly (me only in high school) and we don’t particularly value the religious elements of private institutions here.
Nevertheless, this school has amazing curriculum that aligns with K’s interest areas, fantastic facilities and a really good national and anecdotal ranking.

It’s also hella competitive and expensive.

K is busy experiencing all of the emotions that come with entering puberty, finishing a chapter of education and embarking on a whole new stage of life. Naturally we’ve had lengthy discussions around his fears and other concerns. We reckon his feelings are pretty damn normal – this is an intense time in anyone’s life.

So…that’s a tiny portion of what’s been going on for my little family lately. My Wife and I often sit back and discuss how thankful we are for having found one another, and marvel at our wealth of love.

I’m one lucky man and I am so grateful.

I’m a trans dad as well, I was wondering if your son has any contact with his biological father. My wife & I are currently going through a custody battle, my son’s biological father has never been in the picture & now he suddenly wants to be apart of my son’s life.. He is now 5 years old. It’s really taking a toll on me. Do you have any advice?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I am so very sorry to hear this is happening for you and your Wife. I sincerely do not know what I would do in your situation.

We are ‘lucky’ in the fact that K’s biological Father has, despite us giving him every invitation, never expressed any desire to visit K let alone have custody of him. He left the scene when K was 2 weeks old, and has been given ample opportunity every year to have visitation, or simply hang out with us present. He has only ever contacted us to find out how he could stop paying child support for a “child I never see anyway”. 

It also is aided by the fact that even with two amicable parties, it costs a significant amount to go through the court system and arrange these things here – and K’s biological Father has been unemployed for the duration of K’s life thus far so he could not afford to go down this route.

My advice to you is although this is painful, do not negate the importance of you in your Son’s life. Despite the reality of you not being his “biological” Father, it seems as though you have been present for a good portion of his life, if not moreso than his bio Father. This should all be taken into consideration by the courts during the process.

Good luck, and my heart goes out to you.

Was there ever a time in your life when you were fervently against having kids? As in, Did Not Want? Or did you always want kids, or were you ambivalent or not sure? Did your attitude towards having kids change at any point and why?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

There was certainly a time in my life where I was completely sure I would never have children, nor did I ever think I would want to be a Father.

I grew up stating adamantly that I would never have children, much to my parent’s disgust.

This all changed when I fell in love with my now Wife. When we met, I literally fell for her upon first gaze. At first, neither of us saw what we had as a lasting thing. Three days into knowing her, and having spent every waking hour with her since meeting she told me about K – who was 11 months old at the time and staying with his Grandmother as Wife was on holidays.

I was terrified of meeting K. I walked into the lounge room and saw his gorgeous blue eyes and blonde hair, and knew in that second this was my home. My Wife was my soul mate.

Within minutes, my Wife remarked that K must have soiled his nappy (diaper). Without hesitation I stood up, asked where the wipes and new nappies were and changed my first nappy.
My Wife was taken aback, to say the least. I’d never changed a kid’s nappy before, but seen it done countless times. I’m not scared of a little bit of poo – haha.

And that was it. It just… it was right. I cannot explain how I just “knew” that this was it, this is my family and this is forever. Almost ten years later, over one year married – I still maintain meeting K was the best damn decision I’ve ever made in my life.

[Edited to remove some unneeded, personal information]

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I have been with my family for a little over a week now.

To say things are hectic is certainly an understatement, but I’m loving every second of it. I’ve been on riverside bush walks with K, my Wife and our new Dog (who we’ll call D). I’ve cleaned the entire house which was overwhelming my Wife, I’ve cleaned and sorted out the garage and actually have places to put my tools!

I’ve built dog-proof fences, mowed and walked not only K to and from school most days, but by proxy the dog also.

I’ve had roast dinners with my In-Law’s, played Rummiking until bedtime with family, had a good dozen or so coffee’s on the front porch, overlooking our street. Dog and cat by my feet.

I’ve picked up some odd-jobs which actually pay (albeit minimally, but any port in a storm) and am introducing myself to one of the local Drama/Performing Arts schools here in town this coming Thursday. Word has spread via my Wife that I have arrived with Qualifications pertaining to that area, and rumor has it they’re very interested to meet someone who has any kind of qualifications – current employees possess none, only experience.

I am apprehensive; it’s all about social interactions here. Very very small town, so there is perhaps three degrees of seperation between most folk at max. Everyone loves a good gossip.

My Wife gently let me know it would be best for my first impression if I shaved off my beard which has gotten unruly over the last few weeks. I’ve had better things to do than shave.
I’m kind of a bit smitten with it now, it’s a pity it will have to go.

But she’s right; it’s working with youth and in order to appear more my actual age and not ten years older, I should endeavor to groom myself.

Big, big changes. I find myself feeling a little overwhelmed at times – I want to accomplish so much, and I want it all done yesterday. I am slowly wading through “to do” lists I had made in the last few months for when I arrived.

The land here is beautiful. I am an exceptionally lucky man to be able to be this close to such glorious bushland and river systems, an abundance of natural rescources alongside flora and fauna.

I take nothing for granted.

Update.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Long time no write, I’ve been ridiculously busy and for that I apologize.

I have two assessments left to complete in order to graduate, and there is 15 days until my Wife makes the journey to this town in order to pick me up and take me home.

I can’t really articulate how I am feeling about it all, because my emotions are so varied. I am beyond excited at finally, after almost three months – reuniting with my family on a permanent basis. I am excited to get work, begin life. Finish this chapter.

In the same instance I feel myself being somewhat saddened by the actuality of leaving this town. More so – the actuality of leaving my pseudo-family. These guys have carried me during some tough times, allowed me into their home without exception. Mostly, they’ve given me experiences I thought I would never have had the opportunity to experience given that I am married with a child.

I basically got to experience share house living, as though I were a batchelor. It’s been an eye opener and very rewarding. What a learning curve. So affirming.
The boys are all pretty shocked that the three months has gone by so rapidly; and the house feels a bit melancholy because of it. I plan to cherish the moments I have remaining with these three guys.

K is doing very well at his new school – the standardized testing results for all children in his year level nationally came back recently, and he is almost an entire band above average in everything. I am very proud.

My Wife is finally getting to do some real work with her job; after a couple of months building rapport with the local community and setting up a new office in the town. She rings me with excitement for debriefs, just like when we were living together in the city. It makes me happy.

The small town has mere spatterings of jobs, but due to the low population; everyone knows each other. As a result my Wife has been speaking of my imminent graduation, and has been encouraged to tell me to apply at several places that are desperate for someone with qualifications such as mine. To be able to use my arts degree in a rural backwoods town is more than a shock, to say the least. I was planning on falling back on hard labor and/or working with my Brother-In-Law with his company as an apprentice.

Today I will complete a take home examination, and then there will be one assessment remaining between graduation and I.

What are some good things going on in your life right now?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Despite me feeling sad almost all of the time due to missing my family, there is an abundance of amazing things happening in my life right now.

  • I’m living with three awesome guys as housemates.
  • My Wife and Son are visiting this weekend.
  • I am averaging 83% in my class marks thus far.
  • I have completed 6 (or 7?) assessments, and have 11 (or 10) remaining.
  • My Wife has begun her new job, and is doing well.
  • I am exercising more each day now that I don’t have a car as transport.
  • My Wife and I have been verbally offered a loan for a house through a family member.

So, despite my whinging and general negativity; things would be exceptional if it weren’t for the lack of K and my Wife. We’ve now not seen each other in a little over a month – it’s getting very difficult for everyone involved.
We’ve endeavored to not leave visits more than 3 weeks in between, from now on.