Tag: ftm fatherhood

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Happy New Year everyone!

K starts high school in two weeks. It’s freaking us all out! The school he chose (yep, we let kiddo choose from a bunch we thought were good) is amazing. Robotics lab, forensic science in years 11 and 12. Actually ridiculous, and I am very thankful we only have one child as it’s an enormous amount of money. 

He couldn’t go to the (only) local public high school for a plethora of reasons, the least of which being I have come across seniors who are unable to read. 
I’m fucking serious. 

Regardless, we had a great break. Mrs had some health issues which scared the living crap outta me (hospitalised for a while there, never life threatening), but Master K was kept at an arms length with friends and wasn’t aware of that. He has enough to deal with currently. 

Our homestead is coming along wonderfully. We’re already harvesting fruit and vegetables from the seeds we sowed when we first moved in. I love fresh tomatoes so very much. 

Re the post on your son K favoring you for some authority on things at the moment (which is I think wonderful in its own way) : I’m not sure if you’ve said before: is he aware of anything to do with you being trans? I’m wondering if you’d broached the idea with him before and that doesn’t affect how qualified you are for him to come to with even “guy’s stuff”. As a trans man, in times that I think about parenting, I wonder what I would tell my kids and how that would affect our relationship.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

K knows I am trans – FAQ here – but he completely forgets and doesn’t know my junk is any different to a cis dudes. It doesn’t affect our relationship at all because he honestly needs to be reminded on occasion when it’s popped up again. 

But that doesn’t affect how I feel with regards to being “qualified” – he still exclusively comes to me for penis related things and puberty related things, which has been happening far more frequently as of late, and I guess those are the exact kind of things I don’t particularly feel qualified to answer, so to speak. Despite me knowing the answers to all of his questions. 

Regardless, it’s those situations which reaffirm to me that he literally forgets my junk is not exactly like his. Questions like “Dad, how do you handle random boners?” have been popping up frequently, and I guess explaining how to do the gentleman’s tuck to your kid feels kinda shitty when you’ve never actually needed to do it yourself. 

Boy’s business.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

K has officially entered the stage of favoring me over his Mother for things. It’s interesting to me because I am the “strict” parent, whereas my Wife is the “easy going” parent – she’s the fun one and I am the rules guy. 

K’s always been a Mumma’s boy, not to say he doesn’t love hanging out with me or whatever but his personality and my Wife’s personality are so damn similar. Even in looks he’s like a mini, male version of my Wife. 

Regardless, now it’s “No, I need to talk to Dad about this” or “Hey Dad, come here!” – whereas before it would have been either of us, or his Mother. Now when my Wife responds, he occasionally specifies that it’s a Dad-related thing. 

This is actually adorable, but to be honest has me feeling like I’m less qualified than ever before. Hah. I guess despite having raised this kiddo since he was 11 months old, I can’t ever shake that feeling that there’s just a bunch of male related shit that I am probably not the best authority on. 
And logically speaking I know that’s just my own personal insecurities, but there you have it. 

Anyway – we get the keys for our house this Friday. It’s all we are thinking about – dreaming about, talking about. We did the final inspection yesterday, and when we pulled into the driveway my Wife looked at me and said “Welcome Home!”… I’m not the most emotional man ever but I definitely almost cried. 

I’m super excited to spend some quality Father/Son time with K painting his room whatever colour he chooses, getting him to help me with all of the million DIY things I have planned. My Father is coming to help fix a leak in our laundry and install a new toilet (he’s was a plumber before he retired) and I plan to have K help, even if it’s just passing tools. That’s the kind of shit I fondly reflect on with my father, being knee deep in a trench “helping” (although upon reflection he was just entertaining me… I was likely hindering!). 

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

We’re going to K’s high school induction next week. He’s still in primary school currently, but applications start this year and the induction is compulsory.
It’s freaking us all out, I think!

Schools around here are lacking, to put it mildly. We’ve been researching for years and have settled on a private school out of area, which is interesting as both my Wife and I were educated publicly (me only in high school) and we don’t particularly value the religious elements of private institutions here.
Nevertheless, this school has amazing curriculum that aligns with K’s interest areas, fantastic facilities and a really good national and anecdotal ranking.

It’s also hella competitive and expensive.

K is busy experiencing all of the emotions that come with entering puberty, finishing a chapter of education and embarking on a whole new stage of life. Naturally we’ve had lengthy discussions around his fears and other concerns. We reckon his feelings are pretty damn normal – this is an intense time in anyone’s life.

So…that’s a tiny portion of what’s been going on for my little family lately. My Wife and I often sit back and discuss how thankful we are for having found one another, and marvel at our wealth of love.

I’m one lucky man and I am so grateful.

I’m a trans dad as well, I was wondering if your son has any contact with his biological father. My wife & I are currently going through a custody battle, my son’s biological father has never been in the picture & now he suddenly wants to be apart of my son’s life.. He is now 5 years old. It’s really taking a toll on me. Do you have any advice?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I am so very sorry to hear this is happening for you and your Wife. I sincerely do not know what I would do in your situation.

We are ‘lucky’ in the fact that K’s biological Father has, despite us giving him every invitation, never expressed any desire to visit K let alone have custody of him. He left the scene when K was 2 weeks old, and has been given ample opportunity every year to have visitation, or simply hang out with us present. He has only ever contacted us to find out how he could stop paying child support for a “child I never see anyway”. 

It also is aided by the fact that even with two amicable parties, it costs a significant amount to go through the court system and arrange these things here – and K’s biological Father has been unemployed for the duration of K’s life thus far so he could not afford to go down this route.

My advice to you is although this is painful, do not negate the importance of you in your Son’s life. Despite the reality of you not being his “biological” Father, it seems as though you have been present for a good portion of his life, if not moreso than his bio Father. This should all be taken into consideration by the courts during the process.

Good luck, and my heart goes out to you.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Hey all,

Apologies (again) for the absence. Work is seriously kicking my ass, and I’ve also acquired a motorcycle so all my free time is split between riding and being with family.

Little K is not so little anymore – we moved closer to his school and he now rides his bike to and from off his own accord. His friend lives about a block away, so he’s been having a lot of fun and gaining independence. I try not to be a helicopter parent, but coming from a city it’s difficult to let go of preconceived notions of “danger”.

So, life is mainly work, chores, errands and family time with a little riding thrown in for headspace.

If you’re curious about something, send a message and I’ll answer as soon as possible.

Thanks for hanging in there everyone. Hopefully I’ll have a colleague soon enough so I won’t have to bust ass at work so much.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

So, our lives have been thrown into chaos lately due to having to unexpectedly vacate the rental we are living in.

Alongside this, we had to put our beloved family cat down two weeks ago and little K hasn’t been taking it very well. They slept together every night, and K was smitten with our cat.

We’re surviving though. Wife got a new job with more hours, and we’ve secured the new rental which is not only cheaper rent, but far more suited to our family than the current rental anyhow.

I’d say with the amount I’m working, alongside my Wife landing that new job – we’ll have enough saved for a deposit on our own little house in 12 months time.

Life is hectic, but our love surpasses anything.

Impending Weekend.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Work has been so full on and stressful lately, I’m loving every second I am away from the office.
The weekend is creeping up, and we’re all going on a road trip to visit my parents, in particular my Mother – for Mother’s Day.
Mum’s really excited because both of my Sisters and thier kids and spouses will be there too – we’ll all be in the same state at the same time.

This post has been tricky to write, because I’m trying to leave out most details and make this a little less personal.

I’m excited to see K and his cousins play and interact – they’re all fairly similar in age, and K is super excited to see them.
I’m a little apprehensive with regards to my Sisters and I being in the same space for so long together. They’re good people, and we certainly get along but I do have quite a bit of old anxieties when I’m around my whole family at once.
It’s like, old memories of pre transition and they get stuck in my mind. I can’t really articulate it properly. 

And for some reason they feel ownership over my history – they’ve outed me to random fucking people here and there, and when I pull them up on it and get angry they say stupid shit like “You can’t deny your past, you shouldn’t hide who you are!” and it makes me want to smash things. So I tend to avoid them a fair bit as a result.

Regardless, it will be a welcome distraction from thinking about work.

Growing Up.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

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I feel as though K has crossed some kind of threshold into pre-pubescence in
the last couple of months. It’s natural for my Wife and I to occasionally
remark about him looking “grow up” in certain attire, or when he’s just had a
fresh haircut, or when he uses a particularly complex word in the correct
context.

But this time it’s actually different. He actually is growing up – I
can without effort envisage him as a teenager. He’s always been taken with
music, but now he puts his iPod on his speaker, closes the door and sings at
the top of his lungs. The way he interacts with the world around him has
changed, not necessarily in any negative capacity but more so with a general
feeling of growth. It’s difficult to articulate.

Last weekend, my Wife and I took K on a roadtrip to a small quiet rural town
that had a “great” skate park, according to friends. K is super into riding his
scooter, and it’s kind of hysterical because I grew up obsessed with
skateboarding – scooter riders being an active enemy in my youth.
I digress – he and I had such a good time together, me skating and him on his
scooter. We had the park to ourselves for hours, my Wife and our family dog
were going on short walks, playing fetch and watching alternately. K and I were
cheering each other on, doing lines around the skate park following one
another. Afterwards we walked to the nearby café and bought some lunch to eat
in the park, and then K and I played on the play equipment.
Our car was parked back over near the skate park – our gear already in the boot
but when K lamented at the fact we were going home, and asked for another 15
minutes at the skate park – it didn’t take long for either of us to oblige.
I think we’re going again this Saturday.

Not sure if you’ve answered this before, my apologies if you have; Do you two ever think about expanding your family or are you happy with stopping at little K?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Hey fightingweakness – I’m a big fan.

I think I have answered this before, here. 

And two years later, our position is exactly the same.
I think between the two of us, I am the “cluckier” one – I dote on friend’s and family’s babies tremendously, and moosh over tiny shoes and outfits in stores. My Wife thinks this is absolutely adorable, but we still haven’t changed our minds.