Early thirties post-transition stealth Father and Husband
This blog has 700 followers!
Thank you.
I am so humbled, and thankful that people seem to have taken an interest in this blog.
I also want to apologize for my absence; work is really busy, I’m trying to also run my own business and be a Father/Husband alongside it all.
As per usual, if there’s anything you’d like me to write about or respond to – don’t hesitate to send me an ask and I’ll get to it when I can.
Long time no write.
I’ve had two days off in a row (half way through the second one as I type) and it’s been fairly hectic. I haven’t felt as though the opportunity to rest has presented itself.
Christmas is becoming alarmingly imminent, and with my days filled with excruciating 4am (4:30am at best) starts – I’d almost forgotten about Christmas entirely. It’s been Work, Home, Eat, Kid, Sleep, Repeat.
Christmas is the absolute most magical time of year to have Children around. K is really amping up and it’s lovely to witness. I feel jealous of that “free” feeling when (in Australia, anyway) the school year is winding to a halt and the last few days of school are filled with scorching hot days, class parties and icy-poles.
I shouldn’t tout; I get three days off over Christmas (because I put in for them). Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day. We are traveling to and from another State to be with my Parents on Eve and Boxing Day – a lot of travel for a very short visit.
I’ve always had at least a week off over the Christmas period; often up to three weeks at a time. It doesn’t help that my Wife gets three whole weeks off with our Son before she has to go back to work in the New Year, and he back to school some weeks later.
I am greatful that this job has allowed me to indulge my family and friends with nicer gifts than I otherwise would have been able to aquire this Holiday season. It’s relieving not having to “rob Peter to pay Paul” as my Father would say – to put off paying bills or debts or this and that in order to create the Christmas we feel our Son deserves.
We are by no means where we want to be, financially speaking. But if I keep this up for a half dozen months I can get a loan for a house on my wage alone. Let alone combined with my Wife’s income.
And – get this – the mortage repayments per week will be less than we were paying for a week’s rent when living in the city.
I’ll have it paid off in under ten years.
Long time no write, I’ve been ridiculously busy and for that I apologize.
I have two assessments left to complete in order to graduate, and there is 15 days until my Wife makes the journey to this town in order to pick me up and take me home.
I can’t really articulate how I am feeling about it all, because my emotions are so varied. I am beyond excited at finally, after almost three months – reuniting with my family on a permanent basis. I am excited to get work, begin life. Finish this chapter.
In the same instance I feel myself being somewhat saddened by the actuality of leaving this town. More so – the actuality of leaving my pseudo-family. These guys have carried me during some tough times, allowed me into their home without exception. Mostly, they’ve given me experiences I thought I would never have had the opportunity to experience given that I am married with a child.
I basically got to experience share house living, as though I were a batchelor. It’s been an eye opener and very rewarding. What a learning curve. So affirming.
The boys are all pretty shocked that the three months has gone by so rapidly; and the house feels a bit melancholy because of it. I plan to cherish the moments I have remaining with these three guys.
K is doing very well at his new school – the standardized testing results for all children in his year level nationally came back recently, and he is almost an entire band above average in everything. I am very proud.
My Wife is finally getting to do some real work with her job; after a couple of months building rapport with the local community and setting up a new office in the town. She rings me with excitement for debriefs, just like when we were living together in the city. It makes me happy.
The small town has mere spatterings of jobs, but due to the low population; everyone knows each other. As a result my Wife has been speaking of my imminent graduation, and has been encouraged to tell me to apply at several places that are desperate for someone with qualifications such as mine. To be able to use my arts degree in a rural backwoods town is more than a shock, to say the least. I was planning on falling back on hard labor and/or working with my Brother-In-Law with his company as an apprentice.
Today I will complete a take home examination, and then there will be one assessment remaining between graduation and I.
I didn’t carry or donate any genetic material to my Son, who is technically my Step-Son.
The only way that I am aware of accomplishing this is to have your eggs frozen and stored, and have your girlfriend carry those fertilized eggs insider her as a surrogate. Once again, I am not a medical professional so your best option is to speak to someone who is.
As far as I am aware, you should most likely look into freezing your eggs prior to Testosterone, so as to have the maximum potential success for any future usage of them.
This is something I am certainly not qualified to answer, despite having some university Biology under my belt.
I feel as though if your boyfriend has had a hysto, and is taking testosterone – there will be nothing to “drop” his testosterone levels (or raise his estrogen). If he still has his reproductive organs, perhaps they may infer an undue amount of estrogen during/after pregancy, but that’s just a haphazard guess.
My best advice would be to see a fertility specialist. Good luck!
Thank you for your kind words, they are very much appreciated.
I figure if I can get one dude to see that the future doesn’t have to be so bleak, then all of this over-sharing is worth it!
Again, thank you.
Hi there,
Adopting is a great option. I likely would have gone down that route had I not been in my current situation.
As far as coming out to my Son, I’ve detailed that story here:
LINK. I also have a FAQ tag, which needs to be updated a little but still has some information. Also a FTMFatherhood tag if you’re interested.
And I’m still working through the dysphoria, but thank you for your kind words.
This isn’t uncomfortable at all.
K is not my biological child, he is my Wife’s biological child that she had 11 months before we met. K’s maternal “dad” left shortly after K was born, he was an unplanned pregnancy and my Wife did not feel abortion was an option she wanted to take.
Turns out, K had a Father all along. When we met, I wasn’t called Dad straight away (obviously). Soon it became very clear that I wasn’t going anywhere at all – and my Wife asked me if I wanted to be K’s Father. The rest, as they say, is history.
That is very exciting! Congrats!
As far as rescources go, I’ve got one that is more for when the child is actually born: The Little Boy Book. My FTM Fatherhood tag on here might also be useful, but it’s mainly my own experiences mixed in with a few sparse rescources. Also there’s the helpful links tag which doesn’t really pertain to parenting per se, yet might also be useful for you or your partner.
Someone linked me to a facebook group for trans father’s in this post. Also this post might be helpful, too.
Whew, I hope any of that helped. Once again, congrats on your upcoming journey and all of my blessings.
Due to boredom, I have complied a FAQ page which will be updated when I recieve relevant questions/make relevant posts so I don’t have to repeat myself.
transmandad 