Tag: f2m

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I got to visit K and my Wife for four days recently…

The little town is gorgeous, the people not so much but vast wilderness and wildlife outnumber humans drastically so it’s hardly noticeable.

I spent an entire day maintaining the land for my Wife; she couldn’t get the mower to start (and is usually very good at it) so I figured the engine may have seized with lack of use – it belonged to my father and he hadn’t used it for months. Land maintenance was getting pretty pertinent as the back paddock had stinging nettles around chest height, growing out of control. My Wife had attempted to kill it all off using roundup (drastic for us, but K and her were suffering from the stings) to no avail.

I mowed the entire block, front and back – even edged the lawns. Slashed the back paddock of doom without a single nettle sting – much to my amazement. Turns out the several layers of work gear, boots, gloves and a hat were a good idea.

We spent days feeding ducks, exploring the river banks, throwing rocks into the river with K.

When walking along the path next to the river with my Wife, K and my Nephew – K and my Nephew ran quite a way ahead of us. I looked slightly concerned I guess, and turned to my Wife about to ask if I should yell for them to wait up, when she smiled and explained not to worry – the path is safe, the town small and everyone knows each other. I am inherently and stupidly overprotective by nature, but K has been overwhelmed with a sense of independents and freedom since moving there. It was so refreshing to see, and it made me reflect upon my own parental practices.

At night my Wife and I played board games and chatted over drinks and cheese platters. I’d wake up with her head on my chest.

I read K bedtime stories, even got to attend a Friday morning school assembly. We went out for dinner with the family that resides in town.

Mostly, it was just a bitter reminder of all that I am missing whilst studying. I hadn’t anticipated the complete and utter empty feeling I would have after I returned from my little visit. I fell into the rhythm of life there far too easily, instantly comfortable from the moment I arrived… it was hard to come back.

By gosh, K had grown at least a bazillion inches since I last saw him. Or two, perhaps.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

There’s something inherently magic about being the only one in the house.

When with my Wife and K, there was always a period of time within a week (often many) where I would have the house to myself for a few hours.

Here, there’s generally always people home, even if everyone’s in their rooms.

I got home from an appointment this morning and found myself to be the only one home besides from the dogs and cat.
It’s a warm breezy day, yet the house is cool and quiet. It’s lovely.

I’ve had so much I’ve been meaning to write, but each time I’ve had the opportunity I’ve been so very tired and simply chose sleep over writing.

There’s been so much happening I actually am unable to give a rundown properly.
My Wife and K have been having a difficult time in general settling in; K’s having school issues (which we are sorting out), my Wife is settling into a new job in which her manager is incompetent at best, I’m absolutely swamped with major assessment items which all seem to be compacted into the same few week period.
And we are all missing the ever loving shit out of each other, so we’re emotional.

I’ve become the absent hero of K’s world; which tended to happen in reverse when we were all together – that being my Wife would go on a work related travel endeavor and K would, the second she left, insist that his Mother did x, y or z better than I did and Dad’s way just isn’t good enough. Turns out that since I have been absent nothing my Wife does is acceptable, or pales in comparison to “the way Dad does it”.

K turned 9 the other day, and he literally grew a few centimeters in the four weeks since I had seen him last. He’s so smart. Often a little too smart, arguing back to his Mum and blatantly ignoring perfectly acceptable requests such as “Can you please help me tidy the lounge room?” – my Wife and I have been waiting for the rebellious boundary-testing stage for a while. Here it is!

Anyway, there’s tons more stuff I could write about but I’ll attempt to write more often.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I was going to make an update post, but the dot points in my previous ask pretty much sum up all the interesting things that have been going on lately.

Except for one little anecdote:

My Wife has always been a little reluctant to deal with the intricacies of boyhood with regards to puberty – referring questions to me and asking if I could handle the matter.

 Seeing as we’re all apart for the time being, my Wife has had to deal with a few things she’d rather not – namely questions about erections and reassuring K that things are normal but there’s a time and a place for certain activities. Hah.

I will admit to a quiet little giggle between the two of us at me not being present and her being the only parent available.

What are some good things going on in your life right now?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Despite me feeling sad almost all of the time due to missing my family, there is an abundance of amazing things happening in my life right now.

  • I’m living with three awesome guys as housemates.
  • My Wife and Son are visiting this weekend.
  • I am averaging 83% in my class marks thus far.
  • I have completed 6 (or 7?) assessments, and have 11 (or 10) remaining.
  • My Wife has begun her new job, and is doing well.
  • I am exercising more each day now that I don’t have a car as transport.
  • My Wife and I have been verbally offered a loan for a house through a family member.

So, despite my whinging and general negativity; things would be exceptional if it weren’t for the lack of K and my Wife. We’ve now not seen each other in a little over a month – it’s getting very difficult for everyone involved.
We’ve endeavored to not leave visits more than 3 weeks in between, from now on.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I cannot articulate how emotional last night was. I haven’t cried in years and I bawled like a baby watching K’s book parade video that my Wife recorded for me.

I can do this.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Tumblr user ftmanonimo replied to the previous post regarding long-term hormone effects with this lovely study. Peer reviewed, no less!

This is exactly the kind of article I was looking for – but it still can’t give a conclusive answer due to, and I quote “… solid clinical data are(sic) lacking”.

I’d love to see more, hopefully this study sparked an interest. It was published in a reputable journal.

Thanks so much for sharing.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I’m sorry I haven’t been as active on here as I could have been of late…

(TL;DR)

Writing here reminds me just how much I miss my Wife and K.
It seems to only be getting more difficult as the days pass, missing my family.
It’s mere days until K’s 9th Birthday, and although my Wife and I picked out and purchased gifts a while back (we love to be organized), I wanted to get a little extra something to send from me.
I got him a massive poster from one of his favorite video games; his new room is the largest in the house and his three framed Star Wars prints apparently felt inconspicuous.

Anyway, I posted that off to him yesterday. When I arrived home from University I saw a letter had arrived and I knew right away from the handwriting that it was from my Wife.

I swore, knowing this would likely make me melancholy at best and sat down to read it.
She wrote amazingly beautiful and supportive things, sprayed her perfume on the card (I…no words. I died) and even put on lipstick and kissed the paper….this from a Woman who usually detests makeup.
I inhaled her perfume deeply, became suddenly frightened that the scent would leave the paper and quickly slid the whole thing back into the envelope.

I had a difficult time after that…I went through a range of emotions which ultimately culminated in anger – there was nothing I could do to help K, who’s been having some trouble settling in at school, my Wife – who is feeling overwhelmed with unpacking an entire house, looking after K by herself and starting a new career to boot.
I feel like a failure for my absence. I’m three weeks deep into this semester and I am trying with all my might to get shit done.

I’ve knocked off a few assignments, which is far more organized than the entirety of people I attend classes with.

Anyway, as a result of the letter and my anger I decided to do what any rational human being would do under similar circumstances; get drunk. I have the day off Uni today and had planned out obligations (assignments and homework) so that I could easily complete them later in the day.
So, intoxicated I got. And it was a welcome distraction, if only for a few hours until I blearily stumbled into my bed.

I woke early, at 7am and felt a little sleep-deprived but not entirely out of sorts, so I decided to begin my day then. I had an appointment at 1pm and took my early start as an opportunity to do the assignments and homework I had on my “to do” list for the day.

I also scrubbed the ever-loving-shit out of the kitchen in it’s entirety, and now I’m taking a break before getting my teeth stuck into another assignment.

I feel like I’m accomplishing a lot, but failing at what’s most important; being a Father and Husband.

I ache for them.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

What a whirlwind this week has been…

I’ve made great strides in assignments thus far; considering it’s only the second week of semester, I’ve already knocked off two assignments as well as keeping up with weekly readings and other minor homework submissions.

I’m using obligations as a means for distraction.

K is finding it very difficult without me, complaining constantly to his mother about how I apparently do things “better” such as help him dry his hair, making lunches and whatnot. We both knew this would happen, in the past when my Wife had to go away due to work commitments all I would hear is how great Mum was, and how much better Mum was at x, y or z.

He’s also having difficulty settling in at school due to different social expectations. Apparently if he’s seen playing with the girls at school he gets teased. This baffled him, because he’s not really aware of gender dichotomy’s or expectations in that regard. He thinks girls are pretty neat friends.

I sent both K and my Wife a letter each last week, and they both were very emotional when they received them. It probably didn’t help that I put some of my cologne on my Wife’s letter…

I feel lost without them both, but am maintaining a really strict work discipline and it’s making time pass a little easier.

Living in a share house with a bunch of blokes is very interesting, entertaining and affirming. I’m not used to socializing as much as I have been, but I’ve caught myself enjoying it every now and then.

I’m alone today, and reveling in the delight of being able to collect my thoughts properly for the first time since my Wife and K left over a week ago.
It’s only the second weekend without them.

Thank fuck for Skype.