Tag: f2m

Dysphoria.

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What do you do when your dysphoria becomes unbearable?

I thought I might attempt to create some dialouge regarding this because, well, I’m in need of some other ways to mitigate the negativity of this fucking condition.

Some things I do that usually quell the urge to top myself when dysphoria becomes unbearable are:

  • Distract myself. Often this includes doing completely pointless things such as watching videos of kittens and puppies on youtube, watching some comedy or a good film.
  • Play music. The concentration it takes to learn a new piece on an instrument is often enough to detract from other intense feelings, if only for a slight while.
  • Attempt to focus on the positive changes that testosterone has brought about (obviously many) instead of the things I’m feeling dysphoric about.
  • Help someone else do something; I love the feeling helping others gives me. Not only is this productive but it also gives you a good feeling that can sometimes be strong enough to mask any negativity.
  • Kill things on Halo/ other FPS type video game(s).

This is only a very limited personal list of things that have helped me in the past. Unfortunately I feel as though none of these are working well as of late, but they’ve held me for eight or so years already so they certainly have thier merrits.

It would be interesting and possibly helpful if anyone felt like they had anything to contribute.

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I found the paperwork for my chest surgery which I had done in 2007 with Dr Megan Hassall in Sydney, Australia.

Please note this is six years old and therefore very outdated in terms of pricing. It also does not include the anasthetist fees or Dr Hassall’s actual surgical fees which were each over $1000 if I recall correctly. This is the hospital breakdown of fees only, nothing else. If you have private health care part or all of the private hospital stay will be covered, and usually you are required to stay more than one day – but seeing as I didn’t have insurance I stayed the bare minumim.

I also paid for hotel accomodation on top of this, as well as groceries and disposables like replacement guaze, tape etc.

Note that I had a second surgery to create my nipples, which was done in her office. I then had my areola pigmentation tattooed on by a cosmetic tattooist.

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I had a really draining conversation last night with my Wife regarding trans shit that I keep thinking about.
We spoke about my conflicting emotions regarding support groups, being stealth and me not wanting to assign the label trans to myself even though that’s what I am.

She’s really good at playing the devil’s advocate, and asked if I felt like I had internalised transphobia. That caught me off guard, and I was really quick to try and differentiate my feelings with those of internalised transphobia. I think that just made it look moreso. ha.

I have a lot on my mind.

We spoke about how my experience tends not to follow suit with other trans men that I have known, and my feelings of utter isolation.

It didn’t get anywhere, but it was nice to bounce those thoughts off an actual human being instead of them just swimming around in circles inside my head.

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Support Groups and conflict within myself.

So, in the past I’ve attended several support groups for men who happen to have transsexuality. They’ve for the most part been difficult to navigate due to the vast differences between myself and a lot of other men in those groups, but I have none-the-less actually found them valuable.

It aided me in being able to vent frustrations to other men who understand, allowed me anonymity due to strict confidentiality guidelines and I was even able to talk about the level of self-hatred my transsexuality causes without judgement. All of the groups soon dissipated after a while.

At the very least, I was able to understand that I am not like the vast majority of men who attend groups like this. I am not “out” and do not wish to be, I am not in the early stages of transition, I am not proud of my condition. I was able to express all of this without being confronted, sneered at or told that I “should embrace who I am” and I really appreciated that.

There’s talk amoungst a service I volunteer for regarding the creation of two related yet different groups for men who suffer with transsexualism. One being for the vastly increasing “younger” crowd who may or may not be trans, but feel like the need a space to speak about gender. Some may be trans, some may not be.
The other group is for much older men, much older than myself – who for whatever reason have not until much later in thier lives found out transition was possible. It’s heartbreaking to see how many older men around my area just resigned themselves to being “butch lesbians” because they thought that was all they could do. These men are in thier late 40’s all the way up to late 70’s, and I couldn’t imagine begging my transition so late.
But they do, because they have to. Because even if it’s one or two years living in a body that doesn’t constantly betray them, it’s better than nothing.

I will admit I have no idea what the point of this rant was, but I feel very conflicted with regards to groups like this.

On one hand, I have a strong desire to attend one or two meetings so I can explode my dissatisfaction amoungs men who have similar feelings. On the other hand I absolutely have no desire whatsoever to be associated with the trans label, or trans anything.

I feel contradictory, so I’m calling myself out.

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Anon:

If you don’t use an STP this is another great solution; a lot of men’s briefs have a fly that you pull your dick through to pee, but some of them are sewn like little pouches except for a small hole inside and out.

The underpants in the photo are what I am describing. You can just put the packer inside the little pouch – it’s not touching your skin, it’s holding the shaft down and in place and doesn’t move at all.

Packer shown for demonstration is 4" GV Sailor.

Packing.

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For those who follow that are male and happen to be trans; do you pack? With what? Have you found it to be triggering, or the opposite?

All of a sudden I’m really curious.

I pack every day. Quite often during the night, too – but I tend to find that my packer migrates out of my boxers. I am a very restless sleeper.

I use a 4" Gen 1 Peecock, and I really like it better than most other STPs I have tried due to the fact that I don’t need to touch my actual anatomy to pee with it.

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I take submissions, don’t forget!

If you’re a trans Dad or trans Parent or interested in general, feel free to submit. If you’d prefer to stay anon just specify as such in your submission and I’ll ensure your confidentiality.

I’m procrastinating – if you’d like to help me do so by asking questions or submitting whatnot that would be appreciated, haha.

Submit to transmandad // Ask a question.

World’s Simplest Packy Harness

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I’ve used this harness for years, and I have yet to come across something better in terms of security, simplicity and generally not being able to notice you’re wearing a harness.

I was eternally skeptical, however even the ol’ “boxer brief band with O-ring” is not as secure as this has proven to be for me.

Clear elastic is easily sourced, although I’ve made it with all different types of elastic and it’s still great.

What I especially love about this harness is that it allows one to use an STP easily due to the elastic having a lot of give to move things where you need them to be.

World’s Simplest Packy Harness

Suggestions Welcome.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Once again, I’ve exhausted my list of ideas regarding posts relevant to this blog. 

I am more than welcome to suggestions, although I can’t promise I will address all topics suggested as they may not be applicable or I may not have experience in that area. 

Submissions are also welcome.