Tag: f2m

Sam STP Review – NYTC.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

So I have had the Sam STP from the New York Toy Collective for a little under a month now, and feel as though I have spent enough time using and wearing it to be able to produce an accurate review. This is not a paid review, and I am not affiliated with any companies mentioned in any way.

Overview of Sam STP.

General Overview:
I purchase the packer in the “Caramel” color after reading recommendations that the lightest shade is not particularly skin-tone friendly despite me being of fair complexion. I’m really happy I didn’t go with the lighter shade, as this color works well for me.
I was most concerned about the packing aspect, as I prefer to pack ‘down’ and you simply cannot pack this way with the Sam. I can happily announce that although it took a little getting used to, packing ‘up’ now feels normal and doesn’t create an obscene bulge, even in tight pants.

Sam STP, Side View.

Aesthetic/Packing:
As mentioned previously, I was most concerned about the packing ability when purchasing this product. It arrived in a near little ziploc bag with NYTC logo on it, after I’d opened a non-descript brown box.
Initial thoughts have held true: this is a fairly realistic packer for the price in terms of looks. It has nicely detailed balls, and the shaft – although much girthier than any of my previous packers, is also well detailed and sculpted.
The balls seem like two rubber bounce balls; they have no give and feel odd with a squeeze test and in pants. This however, is due to the receptacle design for STP use. I have been packing in tighter-fitting brief style underwear with no problems. I do not use a harness.

Sam STP, Receptacle View.

STP/Peeing:
The moment you’ve all been waiting for! I have a rather firm grasp on where my urethra is located, and have literally never met an STP I could not pee through after some getting used to. The Sam STP is no exception and I didn’t even bother taking off my pants as a precaution prior to using it for the first time. Success! The receptacle is wide, the firm balls allow for single-handed use and support with ease and the length of the shaft is great.
I find this STP as opposed to others particularly good when using through the fly of pants. Something I had difficulty with other types of packers.

Total Score: I’d give the Sam STP packer a solid 8/10 – the price point and functionality are fantastic, especially for the high quality silicone you receive. Packing might be an issue if you don’t like to pack ‘up’ but it sits well in briefs when packing this way, and does not cause discomfort for me.

Update.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I promised an update a while back, then promptly never got around to writing it. It’s been so long and there’s so much to say that I often attempt to begin only to find myself pretty overwhelmed with the task. 

I’ll do my best, even if it’s only short.

K turns 13 this weekend. It’s ridiculous that I can even say that – thirteen. He’s grown so much, entered High School (!) and is loving having more independence. Due to our rural locale, he has to get up early and catch the bus to his school – then in reverse. This see’s him have longer hours than a lot of 9-5ers, and at first we were concerned about how this would impact him. 

To his credit, he’s taken things in his stride. He adores his campus and his teachers, and his last school report is the best one we’ve ever had yet. It’s such a lovely change to see him enjoy school for the first time since we moved here. 

I taught him how to shave recently, too. We got his school photos back about 4 weeks after they were taken, and in the photo his moustache was significant and noticable! His school is fairly strict on a no-facial-hair policy, and on a whim I decided to teach him how to wet shave. I’m a bit proponent of old school style wet shaving with a badger hair brush, shave soap and a double edged razor. Needless to say, kiddo got a bic and used my brush and soap. He only had to shave his moustache, and he missed the edges so I had to help get those. 
I’m not going to lie, it was quite emotional. My Wife snapped a photo of the process and I will cherish that. 

What else? He’s begun singling me out to ask more questions relating to men, as opposed to his Mum. That’s new, because he’s always been a Mumma’s boy. This is apparently a developmental milestone in kid’s teenage years. 

All in all, K is such a wonderful human being and I am so thankful for the privilege to be his Father. 

Internal Conflict.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

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I often feel like a hypocrite, or paradoxical at the very
least.

I have been stealth for my entire transition, “deep stealth”
for the last nine years. It’s the way I wanted things to be, because being
transsexual is not my identity and is not who I am.

But recently I’ve begun to yearn for some form of… not
visibility per se, but a safe place where I can speak openly about my history
and the issues that go along with being post-transition.

In a town such as this, where being different could mean
something as small as not conforming to the town’s narrow and outdated idea of
dress codes, it feel suffocating to know that those around me would likely
literally harm me if they were to find out about my history.

I am relived that we are fitting in here so well according
to societal norm, while at the same time frustrated with the lack of open
minded individuals. Not even in relation to outing myself, because I guess that’s
not entirely the crux of the problem – more so just feeling as though I can
relate on a wholly human level without a sense of pretence or distain for those
that may not share my views, whatever they may be.

Choosing erasure

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

invictusbro:

Something I’ve been thinking about/noticing lately – too much free time on my hands as my girlfriend is away.

When we were in my home town this year and went past the boy’s grammar school, my girlfriend asked if that was the school I went to when I was younger. I panicked a bit internally and deflected it the first time, but after she asked the second time I said yes, when in actual fact I went to the girl’s grammar school 15 or so minutes away. I don’t know if she forgot about my status or wanted to be affirming (weird way to go about it) but either way it put me in an odd place of having to deny an experience to my girlfriend.

Similar issue is that my girlfriend complains about period pain each month. I had periods for x amount of years and I’ll suggest shit that worked for me (moving about, orgasms, certain painkillers) and she gets a bit of a shit on about it, saying on a few occasions that I don’t know what the pain is like and to stop being a dick for wanting her to still do things those days. And I’m put in the same situation each time, I either have to say ‘you know I had those too right?’ and feel like shit for reminding myself I’m like this (and uncomfortable as all hell that I’ve talked about it with her..and scared she’ll imagine my pre-op/t genitals, or me having periods, or something that makes me less.. male..) or pass it off that I don’t have any idea what it’s like an have my knowledge/experiences erased.

I choose erasure. And while it’s the best option in the sense that it leaves me feeling less terrible inside, it still comes at a price that weighs on me sometimes. 

I don’t know how to articulate it, and probably should have thought about that some more before I wrote this; but at times like this my decision to be stealth and ignore my past with my partner feels hard or limiting, because I can’t talk about things that maybe I’d like to. Or maybe it’s just that I’d like the option, without feeling like I had to check what I’m saying for ‘reminders’, I don’t know. I stand by being stealth, and not talking about my past with my girlfriend. It’s not an easy decision and it’s by no means perfect, but it leads to the least heartache most of the time. That said, it feels like I’m in a weird place sometimes, and I imagine it’ll feel like that whenever I choose to deny an experience. 

This is a very important post and I want to thank you for articulating things I have never been able to.

Hey man, sorry if this is rude and you don’t by any means have to answer this, but did you experience any hair loss on T and when did you start to? Also, if so, which side of your family did you obtain the balding gene from? Sorry mate, I’m just a bit anxious and would like some input on someone who’s been on T for so long.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Hey.

I unfortunately do suffer quite a bit from balding. I guess it began shortly after my 19th Birthday – so just over a year on T. It wasn’t particularly significant until approximately five years ago, where my receeding got quite noticable and bad alongside significant thinning on the top of my head.

Genetically speaking, I was fucked either way. Both of the men on either side of my family have the same male pattern baldness, but I really feel I got it from my Mother’s side. Her Father and Brothers both went bald early as did I, and they now sport what I like to refer to as the “Port Phillip Bay” (an Aussie thing…) where they only grow hair on the side of thier head. My Father, his Brothers and my paternal Grandfather however went bald the exact same way, just not as rapidly.

At first, I was so distraught from going bald. I was angry that I had waited so long to be outwardly male, and that I only got perhaps one year with a non receeding full head of hair. I felt cheated. I grew out my fringe, trying to hide it – as was the popular style at the time. It looked horrible. I didn’t want to be that dude with the comb-over, and thankfully I never let it go that long.

Eventually, somewhere along the line I made peace with it. I realised that if I was born properly, I would still be dealing with this. I began buzzing my head really close and kept it that way for some years. It looked much better, but there was a noticable difference between the stubble on the sides of my head as opposed to the top: it was obvious why I kept my hair that short.

Nowdays, I shave my head absolutely bald. I grow hair just fine on the sides, very thick – and I still grow hair on the top of my head however it is far thinner and blonder than anywhere else on my head – and particularly receeded. Shaving it bald makes me feel more confidant – it’s amazing how freeing not having to worry about hair feels. I have a beard, partially so I don’t look like “an egg” (one of my greatest fears!) and partially due to the fact that I may as well grow hair somewhere on my head if not the top of it.

I couldn’t imagine having a full head of hair now. I did mourn the loss of it for sure, and I can safely say that accepting my baldness has taken quite a lot of personal battles – but in no way do I regret taking testosterone.

Quite frankly I’d rather be bald and alive, than dead with a full head of hair.

Don’t let this dissuade or scare you; I personally know men who have been on Testosterone for just as long as me if not longer and they still have a full, luscious head of hair. It’s all in the genes.

have you heard anything about eroticreations packers? they look good but it seems like to cheap a price for something so nice.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I haven’t heard much at all, but there’s a couple of videos on youtube NSFW (http://youtu.be/Qj13C50Ukd4 and http://youtu.be/aXhNMaihoiM).

I plan on purchasing one as soon as I am not swamped by bills and also putting away savings for a house. My Birthday is soon so I’m likely to have a bit of gift money I can put towards it that won’t be allocated for something else.

When I do get one, I’ll do a detailed review as per the Freetom.

Until then, do any of my followers have experience with this product – shed some insight?

A decade on Tesosterone.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

So I had my shot yesterday. I always put it off, but I’m getting better. Sort of.

It got me thinking about the process of taking testosterone and how that tends to play out for me emotionally speaking, as the years progress.

Sometime this year, I can’t remember exactly – June or so I believe, I will have injected testosterone into my body for 10 years. A decade. That’s a pretty intense thing to reflect upon, let alone live.

During the first few years, maybe the first 4 or 5, I did my own shots in my thigh. I was taught how to do it initially by my GP, and did the same thing, alternating sides every fortnight when my shot was due. As time went on, I began to resent the medicalisation of my life, the fact that I needed artificial testosterone as I was unable to produce my own. After five years of Testosterone shots in my thighs, I had scar tissue built up around the injection sites. I let my shots fall later and later, to the point where my Wife (fiancée at the time) asked if I would prefer she do it. I knew having regular shots was integral to my mental wellbeing and physical health, but I was my own barrier. I was thankful for her help.

I am now on a kind of testosterone called Reandron. This is a large dose of testosterone of the slow release variety, meaning I now get shots once every ten weeks. This has severely reduced my resentment toward the shots themselves, and although it’s large volume-wise (4ml as compared to 1ml injection) the benefits outweigh the slight tenderness of an injection site for a few hours. If it wasn’t for Reandron, I’d be late with my shots consistently, and that’s something I don’t want – it fucks with my hormones and my head.