dysphoria – Page 2 – transmandad

What do you do when your dysphoria becomes unbearable?

I thought I might attempt to create some dialouge regarding this because, well, I’m in need of some other ways to mitigate the negativity of this fucking condition.

Some things I do that usually quell the urge to top myself when dysphoria becomes unbearable are:

Distract myself. Often this includes doing completely pointless things such as watching videos of kittens and puppies on youtube, watching some comedy or a good film.
Play music. The concentration it takes to learn a new piece on an instrument is often enough to detract from other intense feelings, if only for a slight while.
Attempt to focus on the positive changes that testosterone has brought about (obviously many) instead of the things I’m feeling dysphoric about.
Help someone else do something; I love the feeling helping others gives me. Not only is this productive but it also gives you a good feeling that can sometimes be strong enough to mask any negativity.
Kill things on Halo/ other FPS type video game(s).

This is only a very limited personal list of things that have helped me in the past. Unfortunately I feel as though none of these are working well as of late, but they’ve held me for eight or so years already so they certainly have thier merrits.

It would be interesting and possibly helpful if anyone felt like they had anything to contribute.

The other night I worked out how much money I’d need to get to serbia and have metoidioplasty, and it’s drastically less than I’d anticipated. Granted, still somewhere around the 20K mark including flights and accomodation for both my Wife and I for a good length of time, but it also includes the cost of surgery etc (most likely outdated costs, though). This has made it much more probable that I will get lower surgery in my lifetime, even if it’s about 5 years away.

I’m keen on buying a house first so our family can have security, but my Wife is ambivalent about which is more important. I personally would hate myself even more if I were to put my own surgery ahead of my family’s housing security and future.

None-the-less, it’s somewhat reassuring that it won’t cost the $50k I had originally estimated (fuck knows where I got that figure from). It’s also translated into dysphoric nightmares, which is fucked because sleeping is really the only break I generally get from dysphoria.

I can’t stop thinking about it. My Wife is utterly terrified of the procedure, because it’s so invasive and large and has the potential to have serious complications.

My rationale is; nothing can be worse than what I have in my pants right now.

Tag: dysphoria

Dysphoria.