Tag: dysphoria

have you had/do you still get hip dysphoria? i’m a year on T and still trying to figure out how to manage feeling like i’m always going to have an hourglass figure despite how much i work out. i dont feel like i’m ever going to get muscular enough (because i physically don’t have time to as both a full time employee and a full time student) and i don’t know how to come to terms with that

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I still suffer quite severely with hip dysphoria in particular. 
I have, as my Mother puts it “child-bearing hips” and they are often the bane of my existence. 

I find keeping my body fat % as low as I can without being silly, and working out to accentuate your upper shoulders/traps/back muscles can create the “inverse triangle” look; effectively making your hips look smaller. 

Other methods I use are buying pants one size too large and wearing them lower on the hips than I usually would – this way the pants hang straight down and don’t hug anywhere. I get antsy when I wear tight pants. 

Sometimes we’re just given body types we really don’t like. There’s not much I can do about my hip bone structure, but I can do other things to minimise the impact that it does have on me. 

Also – don’t use full length mirrors if you can avoid it. 

I hope any of that was helpful, and I’d like to commiserate with you as part of the “my hips are rather fucking large for a man” club. 

Dysphoria.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

dont-ever-show-weakness:

Being outdoors and doing something physically exhausting has been the best therapy I’ve ever had.

Hands down this is what works for me. I’m blessed to be able to escape to nature right out my back door, or if I’d rather be more secluded a couple hundred metres down the dirt track.

Yard work is especially good, nothing feels like you’ve earnt a beer more to me than slogging away from sun up until sun down on the land.

Camping, fishing, being near water, cycling, hiking, star gazing, building a fire, whittling, sharpening knives, walking your dog/pet, doing something with a young person/your child.

These are things that in the last 12 months have become literal life savers.

Hey man, what are your tips with dealing with dysphoria when you’re 16, your out to only 2 friends who you don’t see too often, and your parents are very transphobic? I plan to start my transition a few months before I turn 18, with my goal of being on t with my name changed by the time I start college. Luckily for me, I have my entire senior year to work towards that..

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Hey there.

I went and found the posts tagged dysphoria in hopes they might have some helpful information for you, so feel free to browse through that if you’ve got a minute.
It’s pretty tough when you’re first coming out – there’s much less physical and emotional supports for you. Firstly, I’d like to extend the invitation to you or anyone else who feels they might need it to contact me directly and have a chat – just specify that you’d rather keep the conversation private and I will certainly honour that.

Secondly, there’s a wide variety of IRL and online support groups, especially youth related, that I feel might be beneficial to you. They’re generally categorized by general geographic location, so perhaps try some google-fu akin to “online trans support groups ### area” or something. 

Finally, know you’re not alone. There are a lot of other men going through similar experiences, in similar situations. We may not all be the same, but we can all support one another. This shit isn’t easy, and you never have to go through it alone.

Sorry if this had already been asked, but I was wondering how/if your dysphoria affects your libido/sex life? Do you go for long periods of time without intimacy because of it? How does it affect your partner? I’m sorry if these questions are too personal, feel free to ignore this if they are. Thanks!

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

For the most part, my libido outweighs my dysphporia.

Sometimes when things are particularly bad, it will stop me from wanting to recieve any sexual contact – instead I just pleasure my Wife. She completely understands this, because I communicate with her far before the fact. Open communication about your feelings is key – your partner can’t read your mind.

Dysphoria affects my sexual intimacy in a few ways, but it doesn’t generally stop sex entirely – it just changes the way we have sex for a short period of time. That could be a few hours, days, weeks or occasionally months. My Wife says this doesn’t affect how she views me or our relationship at all, which is lovely.

I don’t really feel comfortable going into much more detail, and I hope this answered your questions well enough.

Loving Someone with Dysphoria

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

journeyintomanhood:

Whether it be a partner, child, friend, or parent watching any loved one suffer is difficult. Watching someone you love struggle with dysphoria can be extremely heart-wrenching and you may find yourself wondering what you can do or say to make it better. Here are some tips I’ve compiled based on my own experiences. 

Know you cannot fix it or make it go away 
As great at it would be there is nothing a person can say to make dysphoria simply go away. You might be able to help temporarily relieve it but it will not go away. 

Listen 
Listen to your loved one. Listen to them rant. To them cry. To them be angry. Listen. Be a safe place to listen to them. You don’t need to offer advice or solutions or reply with profound words of wisdom. You can simply be there to listen. 

Do What They Ask 
If they have asked you to use certain pronouns or a chosen name or avoid certain words to describe them, etc. then do it. It might be hard for you to adjust but you need to do it. Remember it’s not about you but it is about them. Do what they need you to do. 

Treat them as People 
Just because they are suffering from dysphoria does not mean they are not people with a variety of emotions, experiences, and personality traits. Make sure you treat as the person they are. Pay attention to all parts of their life and don’t treat them as fragile all the time. They are not their dysphoria. That is simply part of their experience.

(1) Hey, thanks for answering yesterday. I understand how STP factors into the equation; I use one too and have been on T for well over a year now. I have also been with the same woman for five years. That’s why I would have expected my bottom dysphoria to wane much in the way that yours has, and to a degree, it has. But, there are a multitude of things that cannot be satisfactorily approximated without surgery; urinating while standing being the one I chose to mention yesterday. I just can’t…

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

(2) force myself not to think about how “it’s not the same.” That’s the thought that always goes through my head with almost everything that has to even do with down there or anything that I might do to cope with the fact that there something wrong there (using STPs, packers, etc; even just getting ready in the mornings with those things), “It’s not the same; you’re not the same.” That’s all I can seem to think, even when I actively think that I’m pretty much the same as any other guy except…

(3) for the defect with which I was born (and I really do think that), I can’t ignore the fact that I was born different; that that has an effect, and that that effect is not a major thing to the identity of a human being as male. I can’t shirk the knowledge that no matter what I do or what surgeries I have; I will never be the same as a cis male, and that there are millions of things that they experience that I never will. and furthermore, that there are things that I experience that a…

(4) cis male never has and never will. Sorry that was so long. Also, you answer seemed to assume that I am newly trans or new to this realization; that is not the case. I consider you a resource as being at a place in your transition to which I hope to get in mine; I was hoping you would have some insight as to how you got there.

Hey. Thanks for messaging me again.

I don’t know what to say other than the fact that my bottom dysphoria has not waned, in any way – I am just more readily able to distract myself from it and have found ways which I can escape the dysphoric cycle with regards to packing. I sleep with it, I shower with it, it really never leaves me. My own Father hasn’t got a “properly” functioning penis, and he’s spoken to my Wife about how he reconciles that. I figure if he’s able to do so, maybe I could too. So I began working on ways to lessen my dysphoria.

No, you will never be a cis male. And I commiserate with your disappointment/resentment surrounding that issue, but it’s unfortunately something that we have to grapple with due to our conditions.

I’m not entirely sure how I sounded as though I was assuming you were newly transitioned? I don’t understand how you could have taken my answer that way. I was sharing with you the ways in which I lessen my own lower dysphoria.

I can’t outline any way in which I’ve managed to reach a point where I don’t think about my transness anymore. There isn’t “one thing” that I’ve done, but a series of things after some heavy self reflection.

I do believe being so busy has a lot to do with it; I am around cis males for the majority of my working days (very hetero-centric, bigoted ones mind you) and when I am at home I am constantly on the go; looking after my Son and doing chores. The only times I sit down are right before I go to sleep, and then I’m usually on my phone looking at tumblr.

One thing I did was (other than this, separate blog) unfollowed ALL trans-related blogs on my personal tumblr. I found I’d be triggered by seeing all those relatable dysphoria riddled posts, and simply omitting them from my life worked quite well.

Changes mentally and emotionally since T?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

That’s quite a lot to remember. I’ve been on T for approximately 7 (or 8? ffs, I should check, I have it written down somewhere) years.
Mentally I am more confidant, even though my self-esteem is still dismal; it’s improved exponetially. I noticed my anger changed, when I get angry now it feels much more intense than previously, however I get over things a lot faster.
Emotionally I would say a fair bit has changed, crying being the most prominent example. Pre T I would burst into tears in difficult/sad/emotional situations, often unable to control it. It was cathartic to have access to the ability to cry. I don’t have that anymore, and it’s often physically painful. I want to be able to cry, but I’m lucky if I get a single salty tear.
The other week, I blubbered like a baby – the first time in many years. It was most certainly needed.

I’m not even sure if this answered your question adequately enough, however it was a little vauge.
What do you mean by emotional/mental changes, so to speak?

It’s also a long time since I’ve experienced many non-physical aspects of transition; I often forget what has changed.

How tall are you? Do you ever get dysphoria over height and how do you overcome it if so?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I’m about 5’2” I think, or around 160cm tall. I do get very dysphoric about my height, especially because my Wife is quite a few inches taller than myself, and our Son is likely to be taller than the both of us at this rate.
I’m not sure how I handle it; I guess I rationalize it by allowing myself to remember that there are men who are much shorter than me, and I should feel lucky to just be an “average” short guy.