It’s probably really strange, but I can’t actually remember how long I’ve been on HRT for, exactly. I do not know the date that I began testosterone, therefore everything is only an approximation.I think it’s coming up to eight years.
Support Groups and conflict within myself.
So, in the past I’ve attended several support groups for men who happen to have transsexuality. They’ve for the most part been difficult to navigate due to the vast differences between myself and a lot of other men in those groups, but I have none-the-less actually found them valuable.
It aided me in being able to vent frustrations to other men who understand, allowed me anonymity due to strict confidentiality guidelines and I was even able to talk about the level of self-hatred my transsexuality causes without judgement. All of the groups soon dissipated after a while.
At the very least, I was able to understand that I am not like the vast majority of men who attend groups like this. I am not “out” and do not wish to be, I am not in the early stages of transition, I am not proud of my condition. I was able to express all of this without being confronted, sneered at or told that I “should embrace who I am” and I really appreciated that.
There’s talk amoungst a service I volunteer for regarding the creation of two related yet different groups for men who suffer with transsexualism. One being for the vastly increasing “younger” crowd who may or may not be trans, but feel like the need a space to speak about gender. Some may be trans, some may not be.
The other group is for much older men, much older than myself – who for whatever reason have not until much later in thier lives found out transition was possible. It’s heartbreaking to see how many older men around my area just resigned themselves to being “butch lesbians” because they thought that was all they could do. These men are in thier late 40’s all the way up to late 70’s, and I couldn’t imagine begging my transition so late.
But they do, because they have to. Because even if it’s one or two years living in a body that doesn’t constantly betray them, it’s better than nothing.
I will admit I have no idea what the point of this rant was, but I feel very conflicted with regards to groups like this.
On one hand, I have a strong desire to attend one or two meetings so I can explode my dissatisfaction amoungs men who have similar feelings. On the other hand I absolutely have no desire whatsoever to be associated with the trans label, or trans anything.
I feel contradictory, so I’m calling myself out.
Can anyone help this dude out?
ftmdad answered: I’m looking for blogs/tumblr’s by transmen whose partners have had a kid through a known donor. Do you know of any? Thanks!
Hi, a guy has created a facebook group for trans dads and I though maybe you or some of your followers would like to know about it. If you go to JackGr8ndEmpire’s youtube channel, his newest video has the link to it in the description. By the way, thank you for making this blog, I’m not a father but I really enjoy reading it.
Thanks for this. While I will not affiliate myself with trans things on Facebook, I’m sure some followers may appreciate it.
So, what would you like me to write about?
If any of you play guitar, go and play “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” by Deep Blue Something.
It’s a piece of piss to learn and a lot of fun to play.
Mentally/Emotionally Preparing for Top Surgery
I’ve seen a good share of posts discussing physical things you can do to prepare for top surgery such as things to pack, prepping your living space for recovery, practicing doing things with raptor arms, etc., but I haven’t seen mental preparation addressed specifically.
This is by no means an exhaustive list of ways to prepare mentally, but I hope it will help somebody in some way.
Practice this thought exercise and practice it often: “Is there any situation that I can conceive of where I would regret having top surgery?”
If you ever answer yes, you should postpone plans for top surgery, perhaps even abandon the idea altogether. At the very least, seek further help from a therapist. Note that this is not a bad thing. It is better to find out who you are and what you want than do what you “think you should do”. Listen to any little voice of self-doubt rather than instinctively discarding it.
Have realistic expectations.
Top surgery will impact your life, hopefully for the better, but a shiny new life is not going to fall in your lap.
It does not change everything.
It will probably not impact passing unless you are disproportionately large breasted for your stature to the point that binding is unsuccessful.
You will probably not escape dysphoria entirely.
It will impact your life as a sum of little things. Not feeling nauseous with anxiety before getting a binder on, being able to answer the door rapidly, being able to breathe and be comfortable with your body, etc. It will make life easier as a whole. However, it’s probably not going to have an all-reaching effect that makes your life the best ever.
Prepare for being at least a little disappointed post op.
There is a period of recovery where you’re going to have to compress your chest to mitigate swelling. Some surgeons won’t let you remove the compression vest/ace bandage/whatever at all for a period of time. This is disappointing when you have this idea that you’re going to be done binding forever. You may even doubt that anything has really changed for a time. It will be worth it when you finally get to see your chest.
Even after you see your chest, there is a lot of aftercare because you’re healing from a major surgery. You may consistently reminded that your chest developed in a way it shouldn’t have through this after care, that it isn’t a “normal” male chest. Try to practice not dwelling on this and focusing on being free of breasts.
Your results may be flat out disappointing. Even good surgeons have bad results. Entertain this as a possible outcome and prepare for it.
Prepare for a shift in dysphoria.
Chances are your dysphoria isn’t going to be completely absent. Dysphoria stemming from other parts of your body will probably increase.
Bottom dysphoria will probably increase. I cope with this by avoiding mirror when naked, avoiding being naked whenever possible, wanking only when under a blanket, trying not to look when showering, and packing any time I’m not showering. It doesn’t fix everything, but it makes it a little easier for me. If you don’t have a packer, I would invest in one before surgery.
Scar dysphoria is a thing. Practice telling yourself how much better scars are than breasts.
You will have an/multiple “I can only do so much” moment(s).
At some point, seemingly at random, it will hit you that there is only so much you can do to correct how nature screwed you over and it will suck. It is crippling. Thsi is a chronic medical condition at present, as there is currently not treatment to become a flawlessly functioning member of the opposite sex. There are things you can’t change such as the gametocytes you produce, most of your bone structure (if you went through the puberty of your birth sex), the sex organs you have, etc.
As much as you can change, there are still things you can’t. This realization seems to hit harder after undergoing medical treatment.
Be aware of this beforehand, so it doesn’t hit you from a blind spot.
That’s all I have for now. Again, it’s by no means comprehensive. A good summary is to think hard and often about top surgery and its implications it may have for you personally.
Breakfast At Tiffany’s by Deep Blue Something is actually an exceptionally fun song to play on the guitar and sing around the house to.
jfc.
K has a “fart” noise maker somewhere in his toybox that is going off repeatedly on it’s own accord. I am the only one home and literally going insane trying to find it….
If this wasn’t happening to me it would be hysterical.
I don’t get people who think transitioning will make them safe and free from assault.
As a perceived as black male I am now way more likely to stabbed or beaten up than I was perceived as female. Is this just a location thing? When I read a newspaper and watch the news it’s a guy who has gotten robbed and shot and stabbed. Even statistics back this up when it comes to violent crime. Growing up I always heard news of some guy who got beaten up or stabbed. I was close to two guys who got into physical fights and then stabbed. If you’re from England, I was raised in Birmingham so that should explain it. I’m seen as male, men now bump into intentionally and stare me down as if they want to start something. I feel less safe. This never happened when I was perceived as female. Am I missing something?
I’m less likely to experience sexual assault but my chances of getting beaten up and robbed at night have increased.
ALL of this. I do believe a lot of people are blinded by their own up-til-now female perspective, and are totally absorbed in it without paying attention to the outside world. And it’s lack of observation that’s gonna get you into trouble.
All through the news, it’s men getting into fights with randoms and having emergency brain surgery to release the pressure from massive brain injuries. It’s men fighting outside Fergburger at 1am and appearing in Queenstown District Court for being douchebags. It was always the men at work that’d appear on Monday morning with back eyes or swollen faces because even though they were the quiet ones that wouldn’t hurt a fly, someone decided that on Queen St at 3am partytiems includes smacking random dudes in the face with a 2×4.
It’s my male mates that have been smacked in the head by angry middle-aged men in rush-hour traffic road-rage assaults.
All the women that I know that’ve copped a hiding have been 90% assaulted by people known to them, which more often than not have been sexual assaults… I know of maybe two female friends who have been in legit fights, and the ex flatmate bless her soul was the one that started it; beat the piss out of some chick that was all in her face at a drunken party, and needless to say, the chick ATE SHIT. Ex flatmate was not someone you messed with.
If you’re walking down the street, as a woman you’re at risk of sexual assault. As a male you’re at risk of being horrendously injured or killed just because someone wants a fight. It happens far, far too often in New Zealand because there IS a drinking problem here and Kiwis DO get all punchy when they’re drunk and fired-up.
transmandad 