I buzz my head hair with no guard usually, but I am contemplating shaving it with a razor.
This is a nerve wracking concept.
Early thirties post-transition stealth Father and Husband
I buzz my head hair with no guard usually, but I am contemplating shaving it with a razor.
This is a nerve wracking concept.
I’m back from visits to family.
Before I began my transition I did a lot of self-reflection. There was a lot I had to figure out. I had to wade through 16 years of life, experiences, and thoughts to get to the real problem. I asked myself the following questions to figure this all out.
1) Do I experience physical dysphoria based on my biological sex?
2) Could any of this be a product of how society treats women and men?
3) Is there anyway I’m feeling this because of my sexual orientation?
4) Is there anyway I’m feeling this because I’m not feminine?
5) Can I continue to live if it is as a woman?
I think it’s important to do a lot of self-reflection before starting your transition, and by this I mean just coming out and living as a man, I went through another process when starting medical transition.
What do you do when your dysphoria becomes unbearable?
I thought I might attempt to create some dialouge regarding this because, well, I’m in need of some other ways to mitigate the negativity of this fucking condition.
Some things I do that usually quell the urge to top myself when dysphoria becomes unbearable are:
This is only a very limited personal list of things that have helped me in the past. Unfortunately I feel as though none of these are working well as of late, but they’ve held me for eight or so years already so they certainly have thier merrits.
It would be interesting and possibly helpful if anyone felt like they had anything to contribute.
200+ followers!
Thanks for all the follows everyone, it’s reassuring to know that others read this self-serving dribble.
I’ll be away for a little less than a week tomorrow evening, so I’ll see you all when I get back.
I want every person who wants to pack to know how to make one, because the packer I bought was a complete waste of money, so here’s a cheap/easy way to make a your own. (I saw the finished product in a video and basically figured it out for myself, and added a few things since my last post.)
Please look over instructions completely before making as there are options within instructions.
What you need:
Hair gel, condoms, yarn (optional), scissors, tissues, nylon and bandages.Tissues are good to keep on hand to avoid messes. Also if try for non-scented gel, or your packer may smell like the gel. Mine smells like coconut suntan lotion, so it’s all good.
Step 1:Fill a condom with gel, note that the type of condom you use will effect size, so unless you’re going for a large packer, go for smaller condoms.
Step 2:Once condom is filled to the desired length of your packers penis, tie a knot at the end.
Then cut off the loose end of the condom.
Step 3:Put another condom over it to make it stronger. It will also be firmer the more condoms you use, two has worked fine for me.
And once again cut off the end after the knot.
Step 4: Fill a second condom for the balls using the same method as above. When filling it with gel, remember that this will be both balls. I pinched the center while filling it to measure the gel on each side, to make sure the balls would not be too big or too small.
Step 5: Using the condom you’ve made for the testicles, twist it into two balls.
Make sure they are at least close to even. Or make one super huge, I don’t care. It’s your packer.
Step 6: Tie a string around the center of the condom where it is twisted, to ensure both balls stay in place.
Cut off excess string.
Step 7:But bandages over the ends of both balls to cover tip and tied ends. (My bandages are very sticky – they practically wax my legs when I use them. Tape is another option but I find it usually does not stick.
Step 8: Fit the balls into the end of the nylon.
Twist the nylon around the balls and tie a knot – when you untwist it, it should look like this as its easier to adjust than when tied in permanent ball form.
Step 9: Place bandages on condom that is the penis, and then place it into the top of the nylon so it rests on the knot. Tying a knot, tightly above the penis.
& Cut off excess nylon.
This is the basic shape I keep mine in as that was it is easier to adjust. However you can also twist it like this
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And using some string – tie it into place.
(also if you put the penis in first, and then the balls, you avoid getting a knot at the end of the penis. I personally do not care as it doesn’t show and I can’t feel it through my pants, so it’s no big deal to me.)
Another option I made for myself.
Since I wasn’t planning to use my online-bought stp/packer anymore – I made this as an extra/option.
Using a string and a condom to which I could make my own size penis from, I tied it onto the balls I cut off from the packer. I just wanted to do something with it, since I planned to just toss the stp. I couldn’t pack with it – because it was large, it’s too old and personal – cause it’s been in my underwear, to give away, and I didn’t want my mom possibly opening the trash and seeing a dick lying in there.
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The only thing I really dislike about these, is you can’t wash them.
I made variety of options for myself. Smaller ones are better for shorts and jogging pants.
Now I just have to make a harness that works for these, as the self made ftm harness, doesn’t hold these in place.
I haven’t seen many people speak about this method of packing. I actually find these kind of packers much more realistic than a Mr Limpy, especially because you can size it to exactly what you’d like. More than one stocking over the top (several stockings) makes for a more realistic color tone.

australian adverts are slowly becoming my favourite
omg

I found the paperwork for my chest surgery which I had done in 2007 with Dr Megan Hassall in Sydney, Australia.
Please note this is six years old and therefore very outdated in terms of pricing. It also does not include the anasthetist fees or Dr Hassall’s actual surgical fees which were each over $1000 if I recall correctly. This is the hospital breakdown of fees only, nothing else. If you have private health care part or all of the private hospital stay will be covered, and usually you are required to stay more than one day – but seeing as I didn’t have insurance I stayed the bare minumim.
I also paid for hotel accomodation on top of this, as well as groceries and disposables like replacement guaze, tape etc.
Note that I had a second surgery to create my nipples, which was done in her office. I then had my areola pigmentation tattooed on by a cosmetic tattooist.
Hey.
Dr Hassal is very abrupt, but I actually appreciated that. She is definately not someone who will sugar coat things for you, if you’re overweight and that’s an issue she will tell you in no uncertain terms.
It seems as though people are expecting to have some lovely woman be exceptionally excited about performing surgery. Thing about Hassall is she is a general plastic surgeon, an exceptional one. She has a variety of patients and is often called to trauma cases where plastic surgery is required, so she certainly doesn’t have to worry about a client base.
In terms of surgery itself, she was VERY thorough. She explained what she would like to do with my chest for the best results, asked if I would be happy with that – which I was – and then explained in detail how we would go about it.
She does immaculate work and is very concerned about achieving the best possible cosmetic outcome – it seems like she is a perfectionist.
I hope that helped at all.
I had a really draining conversation last night with my Wife regarding trans shit that I keep thinking about.
We spoke about my conflicting emotions regarding support groups, being stealth and me not wanting to assign the label trans to myself even though that’s what I am.
She’s really good at playing the devil’s advocate, and asked if I felt like I had internalised transphobia. That caught me off guard, and I was really quick to try and differentiate my feelings with those of internalised transphobia. I think that just made it look moreso. ha.
I have a lot on my mind.
We spoke about how my experience tends not to follow suit with other trans men that I have known, and my feelings of utter isolation.
It didn’t get anywhere, but it was nice to bounce those thoughts off an actual human being instead of them just swimming around in circles inside my head.