Firstly I want to say congratulations on your self reflection and assessment; I think it’s very bold to own up to past “mistakes”. Secondly I also want to remind you that, well, you’re human! We are fallable and often make mistakes in order to learn from them.

I can understand Anxiety Disorder, and if you were to message me off Anon, we can speak about that at length if you wish.

You need to understand that no amount of guilt or self punishment will “retract” past actions/words, nor will they make you feel any better about the situation. In fact, it’s likely to do the exact opposite.

If you are still in contact with said person, perhaps to gain the much needed closure you speak of, perhaps write them an Anon email or message or something similar, and apologize.

What you did wasn’t nice, but it’s certainly not “completely unforgivable” – I think by the way you have phrased this you are more than aware of the reprecussions of outing someone. That is more than enough of a lesson learnt; many trans people still don’t understand this.

Give yourself a break. You are human, and we all make mistakes. What is impressive to me is that you are working actively to try and rectify what you see as a wrongdoing. Again, much more than most people ever do. Well done.