~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I was going to make an update post, but the dot points in my previous ask pretty much sum up all the interesting things that have been going on lately.

Except for one little anecdote:

My Wife has always been a little reluctant to deal with the intricacies of boyhood with regards to puberty – referring questions to me and asking if I could handle the matter.

 Seeing as we’re all apart for the time being, my Wife has had to deal with a few things she’d rather not – namely questions about erections and reassuring K that things are normal but there’s a time and a place for certain activities. Hah.

I will admit to a quiet little giggle between the two of us at me not being present and her being the only parent available.

What are some good things going on in your life right now?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Despite me feeling sad almost all of the time due to missing my family, there is an abundance of amazing things happening in my life right now.

  • I’m living with three awesome guys as housemates.
  • My Wife and Son are visiting this weekend.
  • I am averaging 83% in my class marks thus far.
  • I have completed 6 (or 7?) assessments, and have 11 (or 10) remaining.
  • My Wife has begun her new job, and is doing well.
  • I am exercising more each day now that I don’t have a car as transport.
  • My Wife and I have been verbally offered a loan for a house through a family member.

So, despite my whinging and general negativity; things would be exceptional if it weren’t for the lack of K and my Wife. We’ve now not seen each other in a little over a month – it’s getting very difficult for everyone involved.
We’ve endeavored to not leave visits more than 3 weeks in between, from now on.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I cannot articulate how emotional last night was. I haven’t cried in years and I bawled like a baby watching K’s book parade video that my Wife recorded for me.

I can do this.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Tumblr user ftmanonimo replied to the previous post regarding long-term hormone effects with this lovely study. Peer reviewed, no less!

This is exactly the kind of article I was looking for – but it still can’t give a conclusive answer due to, and I quote “… solid clinical data are(sic) lacking”.

I’d love to see more, hopefully this study sparked an interest. It was published in a reputable journal.

Thanks so much for sharing.

Hi, I’m FTM and been on T 13 yrs. Back when I started, they called us guinea pigs b/c not much research had been done on T’s effects on our bodies. 13 yrs later, they are still saying that BS, like for real, no research has been done in 13 yrs? Do you know of any statistical info on T’s effects on the body long term? Thanks.-Myles

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Unfortunately, I haven’t seen any recent (or old, for that matter) research on the effects of extended testosterone use among female-to-male transsexuals, but I would bet if such a research existed, it would primarily focus on the effects of testosterone use on cervical/ovarian health or function.

If any followers have links or articles to recommend, I’m very receptive.

For statistically sound research, unfortunately 13 years is only a dip in the proverbial pool of time. Perhaps in the next ten or so years we might see some dedication to research of this sort. One can only hope.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I’m sorry I haven’t been as active on here as I could have been of late…

(TL;DR)

Writing here reminds me just how much I miss my Wife and K.
It seems to only be getting more difficult as the days pass, missing my family.
It’s mere days until K’s 9th Birthday, and although my Wife and I picked out and purchased gifts a while back (we love to be organized), I wanted to get a little extra something to send from me.
I got him a massive poster from one of his favorite video games; his new room is the largest in the house and his three framed Star Wars prints apparently felt inconspicuous.

Anyway, I posted that off to him yesterday. When I arrived home from University I saw a letter had arrived and I knew right away from the handwriting that it was from my Wife.

I swore, knowing this would likely make me melancholy at best and sat down to read it.
She wrote amazingly beautiful and supportive things, sprayed her perfume on the card (I…no words. I died) and even put on lipstick and kissed the paper….this from a Woman who usually detests makeup.
I inhaled her perfume deeply, became suddenly frightened that the scent would leave the paper and quickly slid the whole thing back into the envelope.

I had a difficult time after that…I went through a range of emotions which ultimately culminated in anger – there was nothing I could do to help K, who’s been having some trouble settling in at school, my Wife – who is feeling overwhelmed with unpacking an entire house, looking after K by herself and starting a new career to boot.
I feel like a failure for my absence. I’m three weeks deep into this semester and I am trying with all my might to get shit done.

I’ve knocked off a few assignments, which is far more organized than the entirety of people I attend classes with.

Anyway, as a result of the letter and my anger I decided to do what any rational human being would do under similar circumstances; get drunk. I have the day off Uni today and had planned out obligations (assignments and homework) so that I could easily complete them later in the day.
So, intoxicated I got. And it was a welcome distraction, if only for a few hours until I blearily stumbled into my bed.

I woke early, at 7am and felt a little sleep-deprived but not entirely out of sorts, so I decided to begin my day then. I had an appointment at 1pm and took my early start as an opportunity to do the assignments and homework I had on my “to do” list for the day.

I also scrubbed the ever-loving-shit out of the kitchen in it’s entirety, and now I’m taking a break before getting my teeth stuck into another assignment.

I feel like I’m accomplishing a lot, but failing at what’s most important; being a Father and Husband.

I ache for them.