marriedtoatransman:

Sorry for the absence, I am not a very creative writer and have been unsure of what to write about so please, suggest topics!

Today in Australia it is RUOK? Day. This day is designed to encourage people to openly discuss mental health and to remind us to check in on our fellow humans.

In my experience people who are Trans or gender diverse have higher levels of mental health concerns, not because of their gender but because of societies push for the binary, to pigeon hole you into a gender role and to ensure you adhere to its stereotypes. This negatively impacts on society as a whole and is something I have witnessed with Little K and with TMD.

We live in rural Australia where men are men and the women obey…. well that’s definitely how it feels sometimes. I find it disturbing how in this town men are expected to be stereotypically masculine and have seen TMD struggle with his personal beliefs as a feminist and the pressure to conform to what locals expect of him. I too struggle with this as I’m a strong, proud woman who doesn’t like people doing things for me that I can do for myself and yet at the same time, I know that by allowing TMD to do “masculine” things for me, it gives him a sense of manly-ness and also impacts on how others view him.

Little K has been raised to know that gender is social construct and that what he likes does not have to be restricted by what is traditionally boys or girls. Unfortunately due to the stigma and real fears for his safety, we have had to tell Little K to not disclose his love of My Little Pony to his country friends. I do hope that Little K does not internalise this as we have told him it is because the culture of this town and the lack of social progression but still, as a parent, I worry.

I remember when I started at my local job, my boss insisted on having one blue chair for boys and a pink one for girls and I tried to open a dialogue about the social construction of gender and the horrendous pressure this puts on children to which she replied “please don’t liberate me today”. This to me is indicative of how locals see gender and enforce their views on my family.

I do have to giggle though, as to outsiders, I am such a “traditional” woman. I love to cook, sew, crochet, garden, dance, sing, create and genuinely love caring for and nurturing my family. It wasn’t until I let go of the construct of female with which I was raised that I was able to truly explore and enjoy these traditionally feminine past times without feeling like I was perpetuating a stereotype.

So on this RUOK? Day, I ask are you OK? Do you do the things you want because they make you happy or are you trying to fit an uncomfortable social construct that isn’t you?