Important and Helpful Links

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

drakensberg:

Bottom Surgery (NSFW):

Top Surgery:

Hormones:

Binding:

Packing/Harnesses:

General:

Coming Out:

Dressing Up:

Exercises:

Passing:

A decade on Tesosterone.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

So I had my shot yesterday. I always put it off, but I’m getting better. Sort of.

It got me thinking about the process of taking testosterone and how that tends to play out for me emotionally speaking, as the years progress.

Sometime this year, I can’t remember exactly – June or so I believe, I will have injected testosterone into my body for 10 years. A decade. That’s a pretty intense thing to reflect upon, let alone live.

During the first few years, maybe the first 4 or 5, I did my own shots in my thigh. I was taught how to do it initially by my GP, and did the same thing, alternating sides every fortnight when my shot was due. As time went on, I began to resent the medicalisation of my life, the fact that I needed artificial testosterone as I was unable to produce my own. After five years of Testosterone shots in my thighs, I had scar tissue built up around the injection sites. I let my shots fall later and later, to the point where my Wife (fiancée at the time) asked if I would prefer she do it. I knew having regular shots was integral to my mental wellbeing and physical health, but I was my own barrier. I was thankful for her help.

I am now on a kind of testosterone called Reandron. This is a large dose of testosterone of the slow release variety, meaning I now get shots once every ten weeks. This has severely reduced my resentment toward the shots themselves, and although it’s large volume-wise (4ml as compared to 1ml injection) the benefits outweigh the slight tenderness of an injection site for a few hours. If it wasn’t for Reandron, I’d be late with my shots consistently, and that’s something I don’t want – it fucks with my hormones and my head.

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mean1mrgrinch:

If it’s not too personal to ask I was just wondering how being trans affects your child in a way that makes you wish you were born properly for his sake more often than for your own? I’m just curious because I’d like to have a family of my own someday.

It’s not too personal. The way I look at things, K and my Wife are the two most important things in my world. Then the dog, the cat, our friends and family, then me.
Being trans is going to fuck you up, at least a little bit. I expected entirely that I would be affected by my transsexuality at least to some degree. So it’s not surprising then when I feel an intense longing to be born correctly.

But when I reflect on how this has already and will continue to impact on K, and to some degree my Wife – it’s intolerable. I feel intense hate that they too are impacted by this fucking ailment. How unfair it is to see those you love impacted negatively by something you yourself cannot control or fix?

And I think of all the things K misses out on by me being this way. The formative toilet training years could have been…better. His knowledge of my condition and the resulting “burden” of having a Father who is not the same as your friends’ Fathers. The trepidation I’m sure I feel when K attempts to ask me a penis related question, followed by the cold realization he’s asked me something I don’t actually have physical experience with. The fact that I flat out have to lie to him on occasion to instill morals around body positivity, even though I’m not sure if I will ever love my body in it’s entirety. 

This is all difficult to articulate, and I’m not sure I’m expressing my feeling clearly enough.

The crux of the situation is; I would rather K have a Father who does not have these barriers to Fatherhood.

But I wake up each day feeling utterly blessed, the luckiest man alive.

Sorry if this had already been asked, but I was wondering how/if your dysphoria affects your libido/sex life? Do you go for long periods of time without intimacy because of it? How does it affect your partner? I’m sorry if these questions are too personal, feel free to ignore this if they are. Thanks!

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

For the most part, my libido outweighs my dysphporia.

Sometimes when things are particularly bad, it will stop me from wanting to recieve any sexual contact – instead I just pleasure my Wife. She completely understands this, because I communicate with her far before the fact. Open communication about your feelings is key – your partner can’t read your mind.

Dysphoria affects my sexual intimacy in a few ways, but it doesn’t generally stop sex entirely – it just changes the way we have sex for a short period of time. That could be a few hours, days, weeks or occasionally months. My Wife says this doesn’t affect how she views me or our relationship at all, which is lovely.

I don’t really feel comfortable going into much more detail, and I hope this answered your questions well enough.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Little K is becoming more aware of things lately.
His own body is changing, and perhaps that’s why all of a sudden he’s a bit more concerned with other people’s bodies than he’s ever been previously.

None the less, it’s a bit confronting when you’re not the biggest fan of your own body, all the while trying to instill body positivity in your child.

Last night I was tucking K into bed, we were both shirtless and in boxer shorts as it’s summer here and quite hot.
We were having a conversation about what he did that day in the school holiday program (kids here still on school break and Wife and I work) – when I caught him talking to my chest scars. I shaved my chest a few days prior so I guess they were fairly visible.

I let him stare, of course. We carried on the conversation until he was satisfied and he went to sleep.

Often more for K than myself, I wish I was born properly.