I can’t really answer this without giving away too much personal information, but I orchestrated my life in such a way that I didn’t have to deal with this. 

I did a butt load of forward planning, changed my name and then got a new job. Basically. 

I can relate somewhat – but there are many many cis men who are 5′ and under. 
Let that sink in – there are many cisgendered men who are shorter than you. 

What you can do is buy inserts for your shoes, which can often give you and extra inch or two. 

I’m not too sure what else to say, as my height is the least of my worries – and I am 5′3″. 

Whilst I’m not interested in participating, I’ll bet there are a few out there who are. Posting for those. 

paintedparade:

mrsockblocked:

peter–earth:

transmandad:

Recently I have been embroiled in an inner battle – stealth. 

It’s difficult for me to articulate as I know beyond measure that I will stay stealth; it’s just how it is here. It’s safer for not only me, but most importantly my family. 

I just can’t shake that fucking nagging, tugging… I think it’s because we are finally finding kindred people. Friends. It’s lovely and reassuring and beautiful but I constantly find myself building a wall around myself. Just in case. 

It’s exhausting, tiring and I am sick of feeling like I am not living authentically, despite me knowing entirely otherwise. 

There’s a job going, I’m not only qualified for it but it’s a substantial pay increase from my current position with room to move up in the company.

I am not applying as the role is centred around working with GLBTIQ/CALD/People with Disabilities and I feel like I couldn’t do that job and not be out, to some degree at least. 

Fuck emotions are confusing. 

I struggle with this too. I am solid in the fact that I will never disclose. Ever. But the tradeoff is just what you described. Feeling tired, isolated, inauthentic – even though being out would not make me feel authentic – that is not my authentic self at all! I think the feeling of inauthenticity stems from not the label of my situation but rather the extremely heavy burden that goes with it and the fact that the people who know me and are even close to me have no idea the burden I carry every day. So it’s hard to feel close to friends when like I’m lying about surgery or keeping it a secret completely, when they can’t know I take meds every week, etc. Even those are things I don’t want to share or feel compelled to talk about it, it’s more the fact that if I wanted to I can’t and everything about my history and my current experience sits within a carefully constructed alternate reality.

Not sure if that making sense or I’m talking in circles.

Makes perfect sense to me. I’m bothered NOT by the fact that people don’t know my trans status, but by the fact that I can’t talk about this extremely difficult thing I’ve gone through and am still going through. It’s the same logic that applies even around people who do know my status. I don’t talk about it because I’m just not comfortable acknowledging it. But it sucks sometimes, for example if a conversation turns political I can’t talk about my frustration about certain policies that affect me personally, when everyone else is venting about their own stuff. Or I’ve had discussions with my co-workers about my need to find a job with benefits so I can get health insurance, and I always stop short of saying the main thing I need coverage for and why I can’t just take any suggestions or any job that can offer benefits. I’m in need of this very specific thing that I can’t acknowledge.

There really is this wall that prevents you from getting close to people when you can’t be open about the fact that you’re really struggling with something.

This basically exactly captures it for me:

I’m bothered NOT by the fact that people don’t know my trans status, but by the fact that I can’t talk about this extremely difficult thing I’ve gone through and am still going through.

When I came out to my friends recently I asked myself a lot of questions. who i want to come out to  – why i want to come out to them – who i see my community being – why i do (or don’t) see myself being in a ‘community’ with trans people.

I realized that I personally don’t see my transness as something super interesting, or an important part of my personality – I don’t really care that I was raised a girl, and don’t really care to talk about it – but the fact that I was raised that way means I’ve had to overcome a ton of shit to get to where I am now, and not being able to share that struggle is extremely difficult to me.

I flew to Serbia, alone, and I had bottom surgery, alone, and I dealt with my dad’s death in a foreign country, alone, and I flew back home to attend his funeral with a catheter still in me, alone. For the rest of my life,that will be the strongest I’ve ever been and the most I’ve ever hurt. I wish I could share this with people so they could understand me better. But I usually feel like I can’t.

I comfort myself by reminding myself that most people wouldn’t be able to handle it, anyway. I don’t think most people have the emotional capacity to totally actually understand what transitioning involves. That’s how I’ve been feeling the last couple years, anyway.

All of this commentary echos my sentiments exactly. Being out wouldn’t make me more authentic (less so imo) but it would help me from feeling so burdened by this shit.

Here you go anon – have a chat to a local guy 🙂 

Hope it’s okay to post this publicly – if not message me and I’ll take it down.

Followers – can anyone help this guy out with reccomended gender therapists?

I’m sorry to hear that – bottom dysphoria really sucks. 
There’s a lot of packer options out there, but some guys find this accentuates their bottom dysphoria even moreso. 

You’re not alone, and I hope you find something that alleviates your dysphoria soon.