Do you have any advice for a transguy who desperately wants to be a father and has bad baby fever but cannot start a family any time in the near future? Sometimes I think about how unstable my life is right now and how different that needs to be to embark into parenthood and how much it’s all going to cost and the fact that I cannot create life like cis men and it just all hurts so much.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I sympathize with you on many levels.
Not being able to create the miracle of life simply by physically loving my partner as some cis men can is easily one of my largest struggles.
What helps is to remind myself of the many cis men who are also unable to naturally conceive for a variety of reasons.

Just know that if being a Father is something important to you, being trans doesn’t have to get in the way of that. It can just make the process different.

My girlfriend and I want kids when I’m done with all my surgeries. is it possible for us to have children? I’ve looked it up on google but it doesn’t help me and I’m not yet out to everyone so I can’t ask my family for help or a ride to the hospital.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Its possible in a few different ways: and it depends on if you’d like to have a child with your genes or not as to which method you and your partner might consider.

IVF is a good option that can be costly. You can choose to harvest your own eggs prior to HRT and freeze them for this purpose at a cost. They can then be used in IVF with your partner using your eggs in her womb along with donor sperm.
You can simply use a sperm donor, or have an arrangement with someone you know to “donate” sperm to your partner. Home insemination can happen with this scenario, cutting costs entirely if desired/able.
I’m sure I am missing some options. Followers?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Update: said friend came over and we finally talked. I’m pretty emotionally drained but I got to explain how her words and actions made me feel and we then explored why she reacts/reacted the way she does.
I shy away from playing the educator in real life as I’ve experienced burn out from it previously but I’m invested in this friendship despite it’s flaws. It’s difficult to find some semblance of ‘real’ friendship in this community, and I’m going to make this work.

She apologized, blatantly owned her wrongdoings and is open to education.

It’s times like this that I am even more exasperated by my condition. This wouldn’t even be an issue had I been born cis.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I have a difficult personal situation in which my closest friend in town, for reasons knows my history.
She’s chill and open minded, so it never really bothered me much.
But it seems it really bothers her.
Every single time she has a few drinks with us (most recently when K was away) she talks about how she doesn’t like x, y or z about my transition. I brush it off as it doesn’t come up when she’s sober, but last weekend she crossed a line and I can’t get over it.

I was showing her a book K made for me for Father’s Day this year – he’d taken photos of him and I over the years and written alongside them. It’s gorgeous.
She came upon a photo of K and I when we literally first met each other and became uncomfortable. Now, I was 6 months on T or so at this point. Looked totally male, just super young – I was 18! She closed the book and told me she didn’t want to see anymore, and I was so confused. This wasn’t about me, it was about K’s beautiful gift.

She went on to say how she feels uncomfortable because she finds me attractive pre transition and doesn’t now. Aside from the fact that I don’t pursue sexual relationships with my friends – this hit me like a brick.
What the fuck do I care if you find me attractive now or not? What does that have to do with my very personal transition experience? Why does she think her awkward feelings about my transition are in any way something I might want to hear about, ever?

I feel disgusted when she comes around, and avoid her. She takes things super personally so I can’t have an adult conversation, or even just tell her that I’m sorry but her feelings about MY transition are not something that I have to deal with.

I think she views my transition not as something that was needed for me to continue living, but as a convenience or preference in my presentation.
It makes me furious.

Apologies for the rant.

Those were awesome answers, man! Is there anything you regret about your transition? And also, I’m looking into my first packer, but I don’t know where to start. The Mr. Limpy looks good, but I’ve heard some bad news about it too. What was your first packer?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

My first packer was some cheap novelty store sticky dick. Do not recommend at all! Look into making a packer from condoms and hair gel (there’s a link floating about in my FAQ I think).
My first proper packer was an XS Mr Limpy and I do actually reccomend it as a first packer. It’s cheap, does the job and if you find out packing is not for you the outlay isn’t too big of a loss.

Biggest regret? I’m not sure I have one. I think I regret not trusting my parents reaction enough to confide in them earlier, but it all turned out for the better in the end regardless.

What’s been the best past your transition? And what’s been the worst part of your transition? If you were going to tell your younger pre- everything self something, what would you tell him?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

This is a great, but difficult question.
Hardest part: probably upon reflection going through the early stages where I could not see a brighter tomorrow. I couldn’t see myself living beyond 20.

Best part: wearing a singlet (vest?) For the first time after chest surgery. I cried buckets of happy tears and just held my Wife uttering a million “thank you"s.

Advice to my younger self: you are right. Do not let anyone convince you otherwise, or second guess yourself. The longer you wait to talk about this with your family the more difficult things will become.