~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

The other night I worked out how much money I’d need to get to serbia and have metoidioplasty, and it’s drastically less than I’d anticipated. Granted, still somewhere around the 20K mark including flights and accomodation for both my Wife and I for a good length of time, but it also includes the cost of surgery etc (most likely outdated costs, though). This has made it much more probable that I will get lower surgery in my lifetime, even if it’s about 5 years away.

I’m keen on buying a house first so our family can have security, but my Wife is ambivalent about which is more important. I personally would hate myself even more if I were to put my own surgery ahead of my family’s housing security and future.

None-the-less, it’s somewhat reassuring that it won’t cost the $50k I had originally estimated (fuck knows where I got that figure from). It’s also translated into dysphoric nightmares, which is fucked because sleeping is really the only break I generally get from dysphoria.

I can’t stop thinking about it. My Wife is utterly terrified of the procedure, because it’s so invasive and large and has the potential to have serious complications.

My rationale is; nothing can be worse than what I have in my pants right now.

often, cisgender people may say “I would just live as a girl/boy if I was born to be.” or say “I would be happy if I was physically pretty/handsome as the sex I was born with,” what do you think of it? I sometimes think maybe if I had a stereotypically good social life, physically beautiful in social norms, I would have been fine being a girl. Have you ever felt that way in your transition? Have you ever regretted your medical transition economy-wise and time/effort-wise?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I have not regretted transitioning at any stage. For me it was clear cut: either I took this scary step of changing my life, or I ended my own life. It was literally what it came down to.

I could not see myself living as a woman, growing old as a woman. I couldn’t even see my own reflection in the mirror as a woman. 

If I could have been happy living in the body I was born with I would have done it in a split second. I wish I was. I wish I wasn’t born this way, because it’s not easy. It never goes away. The dysphoria is always there, hacking away at me – despite my physicality now reflecting what it’s supposed to for the most part.

I don’t regret the amount of money I have spent on my transition, I just wish I didn’t have to spend it on fixing my body. I wish it could have been better spent by purchasing a house, opening a savings account for my son. So many other ways I could have spent, and be spending, the money it takes to transition.

Regret? not for a single second. I would be dead if I didn’t transition.

so if your definition of transsexualism is mostly based on medical status, have you yourself ever felt non-binary yourself? or has your gender identity changed at a time? not in regret, but just feeling complicated that in a social situation, you would feel less of a man, or a little different from cisgender men?

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

I’m not sure I understand the last part of this question, but I’ll answer anyway.

I have never felt “non-binary”. I have felt confusion early on because I was not aware transsexualism was “a thing” – that is, when I was young I was not aware people who were female bodied were able to transition. I always knew I was not female, but did not understand what it is that I was until I learnt about transition.

My gender identity has not changed over time, I have not felt more female or more male. I feel like myself, which is male.

I often feel like social situations with cisgender men are complicated for me, generally speaking I do this “to myself” – it is dysphoria and self doubt around physical appearance that make me uncomfortable in male-oriented social situations. 

Topic Suggestions Welcome.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

Once again, I’ve exhausted my list of ideas regarding posts relevant to this blog. 

I am more than welcome to suggestions, although I can’t promise I will address all topics suggested as they may not be applicable or I may not have experience in that area. 

Submissions are also welcome.

On another note: this blog has reached 70 followers. Thank you for your support and I hope you find this information valuable.

Hey there, I was wondering about what your opinions on people who don’t identify as either gender are? Do you think they’re just “trans-trenders” or do they seem legitimate to you? I ask because this is how I’ve been feeling for basically my whole life. I’ve never wanted to be either gender and instead just want to be some sort of neutral in-between. Sorry if this question seems a bit silly.

~ transmandad ~ Leave a comment

The only silly questions are those that are left un-asked.

My opinion doesn’t really matter, but seeing as you asked I cannot relate or understand those that wish to be neither gender for cultural reasons or otherwise. 

I cannot verify the “legitimacy” or anyone’s anything. I am not a doctor or a medical professional, and I do not know you.

All I know is that there are people who do not fit neatly into male and female boxes, but I wouldn’t categorize these people as transsexual in general.

There is nothing wrong with not feeling as though you are male or female, a lot of people live happily as their designated sex and feel this way. 

For me, transsexualism is about being born in the entirely wrong body for your brain. My brain is male, I was born with a body which betrays me. I see it as a medical condition which cannot be cured, merely treated with therapy, hormones and surgery. 

I doubt this answered your question adequately, apologies.